I enjoyed the first cigarette today when I got back home from my nans house. They know I smoke and they smoke yet I don’t feel comfortable smoking there.
Kind of like sex…people know it happens but it isn’t mentioned.
Christmas was okay but I just wanted to get home, it seems that a lot of Christmas sentiments are made up really, it doesn’t feel like what happens is real. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wants to be there all that much and everyone just wants to get back to their respective houses. I think my family have branched into their own families and that’s where they really want to be.
Christmas was a lot better when I was younger. Now it’s filled with unsaid tensions.
I’m glad it’s done now and I can look forward to New Years Eve. That feels more real. That’s done with friends and it’s clear that if you’re invited people want you there, you’re not going to get an invite to a New Year’s Eve party out of some sort of family loyalty.
I don’t know if the whole argument with my boyfriend has blown over.
It wasn’t too bad this year but I am so glad Christmas is over
Grace x
The only people who are real at Christmas time get called ‘scrooge’ … fuck ‘em
Haha I know, apparently you have to be some sort of elf high on cocaine to not be criticized for being ‘scroogy’ during this ‘holiday’
Once you get to a certain age your friends are your family and your relatives might as well be those high school acquaintances you acknowledge on the street with a nod. The way I look at it is; time is short, don’t waste it being adequately miserable out of a misplaced sense of obligation. Of course my views on family are probably a bit skewed because to spend time around my family is like standing amidst a pack of starving feral dogs and hoping they don’t notice you.
It’s nice to know other people feel that way too, I guess the sense of obligation is pushed so commonly that you start to feel that their is something wrong with you if your family aren’t the closest people to you.
Yeah, I get what you mean about the acquaintance thing, and am actually rather happy about it. It is hard with the expectations people have about what families are like though. Haha, please, when I was ten my grandmother told me my mum would no longer have time for me as I was having a little brother.