So, I was reading this awesome blog called http://reasonswhyimstillsingle.wordpress.com/ which is basically this guy stating all the hilarious reasons why he’s single and it reminded me of a drunken conversation I had with my male friend, lets call him Jack, a few weeks ago.

Basically, Jack was rather hammered and everyone else had gone home (because we’re awesomely hardcore and they we tired- well, actually I’d arrived late as I had slept all day, had already thrown up and had drank my body weight in vodka-red bulls and Jack, well, he’s like 20 ft. so I guess it would take a lot to get him nackered from alcohol).

Drunkenly I say: “We would be such an awesome couple if we liked each other, we always have bundles of fun and we wouldn’t have the whole sex complication.”

Jack’s lovely response to this was “Oh God! I would never EVER have sex with you!”

“Excuse me! Why exactly would YOU not have sex with ME!?”

(Yes, my ego is slightly inflated. Drunk? I think I’m a bloody goddess)

To this Jack responded with a very accurate and rather long list:

– I’ve seen you throw up pink rice, try to crawl away from it, fall into it and continue throwing up.

– You think that the solution to your throwing up with a hangover is to go out and drink more resulting in an even worse session the next day

– You’ve thrown up on me

– You’ve gone to hospital because you were so drunk and tried to attack the nurse

– You got arrested for trying to beat up a 6 ft guy because he was in your way in a club

– You think that not showering for days is acceptable

– You’ve come to my house with vomit in your hair

– I’ve seen you get angry and throw your heels at your boyfriend

– You always seem to be escorted out of clubs rather than leaving them

– I once found you passed out in a bush outside my house

– Your room smells like someone’s shat in it and there’s food from weeks and weeks ago in it

– I’ve seen you running around naked at a house party when you had a period pad on

I’m pretty sure there was more but I can’t remember all of them. Bare in mind these are only the reasons he wouldn’t go out with me due to alcohol. My god, there must be hundreds more.

How do I even have a boyfriend?

Grace x

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