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First things first: I do not use condoms. Now, before I am chastised for this I would like to point out that I have only had sex with my ex of five years and my current boyfriend (both were virgins). Hence, the need for condoms seems rather moot. I’ve always been on the pill and my trust and paranoia issues are not as high as for me to think that I could have caught something off these fellas.

However, the various pills and injections I have had do sometimes make me rather hormonal so me and my current boyfriend decided to give condoms a go. It was horrific. It felt weird, he said the sensitivity was decreased, I thought it felt really unnatural and the whole problem of disposing them (we both lived with our parents at the time) seemed absolutely treacherous! In other words- hitherto, my experience with condoms has been limited to a brief attempt a few months ago (yes, we quickly took it off and had sex the good ol’ bareback way)!

Anyway, this review falls on a topic which I knew even less of until yesterday. You see, yesterday one our good friends was leaving so we went over to his for pizza, weed, alcohol; basically, whatever you wanted to do. By the end of the night it was me, slightly tipsy, the guy and my boyfriend. We were chilling and discussing random topics- anyway, somehow the topic became condoms and their different variations and me and my boyfriend were offered a condom in whatever flavor I wanted: I picked apple.

So, there I am all excited over giving a blow job to something which is going to taste like candy!

Soon we leave the guy’s house and head over to ours. Now, I’m a big fan of new things so am well on this condom business. I give my boyfriend a bit of a hand job and tell him to slip the condom on: as you can imagine, this in itself takes time. This, I will not fault the product for though- it was only our second condom to put on him so I guess that’s more our of a short-coming of ours rather than durex!

So, finally the damned thing is on. I start away with the usual blow job antics. However, my first problem. I usually use a hand and my mouth during a blow job but I don’t want to like hurt him by doing something weird with the condom. Just mouth it is then.

Also, his dick is currently green. This can’t be serious.

Now, literally about five seconds later I realize there is actually no apple flavor left. I go a bit deeper and get some more flavor, however, that soon disappears too.

So, there I am, sucking a completely plain and plastic feeling dick. It doesn’t even have the warmth and feeling of a penis and it just feels completely plain without any of the sensitive parts I can usually feel with my tongue. This just feels plain boring.

I try to take it off and end up hurting him. Finally we get it off and WOW, I am so in the mood for giving a blow job; simply for the fact that I would quite like to feel real dick and not something which feels like I’m licking some kind of plastic wrapped banana. There is also a tiny bit of apple flavor residue (obviously this doesn’t last long, was still nice at the time though).

When he’s cumed and relaxed in my mouth I pop up to snuggle.

“So much better without.” He says

“I know right. It’s not even my dick and I prefer it without!”

So there you have it.

I think condoms are a hassle; a waste of money and don’t exactly do any favors for the sexual experience! I mean, obviously they have their merits such as child control and STI prevention but it just seems that for someone in a relationship there are far too many cons to even consider it!

Grace x

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