Love Monday, Sep 10 2012 

You seem to always be there when I need you,

When I’m bored, hungry, sad; I can turn to you,

When I’m drunk, happy, tired; I can turn to you,

I get anxious when you’re not around,

I feel like I need more of you.

When I’m alone I need you more.

I hate it when people take parts of you; you’re mine.

When I’m angry, cold, crying; I can turn yo you

When I’m excited, nervous, paranoid; I can turn to you.

You’re around when I’m watching the telly,

And around when I’m reading a book,

You seem to be able to see all of me and not judge.

The only thing is…doctors say you’re going to kill me.

I keep on smoking you anyway, oh, cigarette. 

I’ve wanted to do something like this for a while. Kind of, an on-going metaphor.

I do love smoking, I feel that it calms me and gets me through so many things.

I think it gets me out of awkward situations as ‘I’m just popping out for a smoke’.

I know I’ll have to quit whenever I get pregnant, and I will quit- I don’t think I would be able to live with myself, I mean, I’m already terrified of disabilities.

My logic is, I’m young.

Yes, they are harmful but so are so many other things.

Besides, healthy people die too.

As sad as it may sound but smoking is definitely one of the crutches that holds me up.

Grace x

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Past Few Days Wednesday, Aug 29 2012 

Hey guys, so, I have gone a bit AWOL (absent without official leave; yes I did look up the official definition). Well, it has been a hectic few days. You see, my boyfriend doesn’t know about this blog (as some of you will know he’s in the same friendship group as me, and well, I can’t loose another place to vent about him in), so, it can be difficult to write sometimes as we are pretty much together 24/7.

Mon 27th: First of all, we managed to get into a massive fight where he threatened to leave the house because he didn’t want to stay here and I spoke like I had decided to break up with him (I do this quite a bit though, it makes him think about what he’s saying more). The fight was basically, well, about fighting. It seems that I am the one who brings up issues and somehow, even if I start as the one who is upset he manages to turn it so I end up apologising to him. We made up pretty well though and ended up having a very good night. The thing is, I’m not surprised we ended up fighting, I mean, we were in the process of moving rooms in the house and some general re-decoration; as you can imagine that is bloody strenuous! I am also very adverse to team work, I hate it. This was made even worse by the fact that he only has one hand. It was a stressful day. I think I will be doing house modifications myself in the future, I seem to be a lot better than him at DIY anyway!

Tue 28th: Our friendship group usually goes to a specific pub on Tuesdays, they have pound drinks and basically everyone we know is there and it’s generally quite great. Now, me and my boyfriend were all for going, especially as this week we would be celebrating a mutual friend’s birthday as for her actual birthday she would be away at uni (those of you who have read my earlier posts, this was Chelsea by the way). Now, a few hours before we are about to go he notifies me that a friend of his is back from a month long holiday so he will be going to see him. Now, I would usually not mind but after the day before I really wanted to spend time with him and definitely spend the night. In the end though we ended up going food shopping and he got a bit lazy and cuddly and asked if I just wanted to stay home. I said yes.

Wed 29th: He has just left to have dinner at his dad’s and I am quickly back on WordPress! Although I should probably be doing house work I shall probably be posting like a lunatic! 

Fun Facts:

I now have a different room

I have drastically changed my hair colour (light blonde to dark brown)

I am going to attempt to be tidy!

…These changes are interesting after I have recently posted about wanting to mix things up.

I’m happy.

Happy Wednesday people!

Grace x

I think I have a problem… Thursday, Aug 23 2012 

So, in my last blog I was saying my goodbyes for the night due to my boyfriend coming home, however, I have now haphazardly done my hair and mascara and am back to blogging! This is getting to be a serious addiction!

Now, as some of you will know I was attacked yesterday, attacked by my boyfriend who was armed with a can of blue hair spray. My hair and one of my underarms were mercilessly dyed blue! I had to go into town and see my friends like this, on top of which, I bumped into a former teacher and her ridiculously gorgeous son!

Later I went home, and, like an idiot, decided to have a bath. Half way through I had to pop out to hunt the cupboards down for some conditioner, as I was about to re-enter the bath I realised the water was blue, a deep blue. However, I’m rather lazy so I just got back in. I have now realised my skin and hair are a slightly darker colour than they usually are and I have a few odd rashes developing. I also now need to clean the bath which is usually white and has now been dyed blue as well as being clogged with hair due to the fact I hadn’t brushed my hair in days (when this happens I brush it while I have conditioner in, that’s a really good tip for knots by the way), as well as not having shaved in absolutely ages!

The annoying thing is I can’t even fucking leave it for the cleaner as she only comes on Thursday’s and left before this bath catastrophe took place. Wish me luck

Grace x

I thought I was a lot more tolerant towards religion… Thursday, Aug 23 2012 

I have just now come to the conclusion that I rather detest religion. Now, I know this is probably an awful thing to say as it is something people devote their lives to and have such deep faith in; but honestly, I just can’t stand it. The thing is, I thought I was rather tolerant about religion but, as I explored wordpress’s reader for something to read I found myself beginning articles, spotting any comment about believing in religion and closing the tab muttering ‘Oh God’ under my breath (no pun intended).

The thing about religion is just that I see the stories they tell as essentially more violent versions of Disney films. I mean the old Disney films such as Lion King and the Little Mermaid taught ideas of friendship, acceptance and kindness, sort of like the Bible does but without the killings. Now, yes, religion has a lot of good moral messages but so does the law and so do charities. I think, if you’re actually religious, why not spend the time you spend in church/praying doing something useful such as collecting money for Dog’s Trust or something?

I do not, in any way mean to offend anyone, these are just some thoughts that came across my mind when I began reading about someone’s recovery from heroin where they thanked God, not their family, modern medicine, friends or the rehab they went to. Fascinating.

Grace x