I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday Thursday, Mar 7 2013 

I don’t feel like he really wants me around I mean, sure, he’ll say I’m welcome, he won’t say no to me coming but he won’t explicitly ask me to come. It’s getting to the point where it’s a bit ridiculous now. He seems perfectly content not to see me for two weeks and, since it will be the Easter break then, it will only really be with other people except for night time.

I just want him to be the one ringing me and asking me to come over, the one who sits wondering what he’s doing. I can’t even really talk to him as it always turns into an argument and he just doesn’t understand at all- he’s felt needed and wanted everyday for over two years. I’m not sure what percentage of that can be said for me; but it’s not high.

I want to go see him today, and I know I can, but now we’re in a bad mood with each other and the pub is looking like a much more fun option.

The reception cut out while we were arguing on the phone and he still hasn’t rang back- who am I kidding, I’m clearly going to be the one that rings him, my resolve is pathetic.

I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday.

Grace

x

Explosion Monday, Dec 24 2012 

Yesterday me and some friends went to a pub, my boyfriend was amongst the group that went.

He had made a pub quiz for us all to do and when the pub closed decided to carry on doing it outside.

I was freezing and made a fuss about us just going home as I hadn’t slept the night before; was ridiculously cold; and just believed the night was over.

He still continued with the quiz and insisted I stayed when I tried to leave even thought I said he could just come home after me.

Anyway, we walked home in complete silence with me putting my headphones on.

When we got home he gave me a kiss on the head and said bye- apparently he was going to his dads.

He walked off and after having a little cry on the street I followed him.
nodmdo
I think the above picture is the only way to describe what happened next…

He completely exploded about me always wanting to get my own way and being weird about him being friends with girls. He then refused to come back to mine.

It was a truly horrific night with a lot of crying and I genuinely thought we were breaking up.

Finally, he came back home.

I was so tired and a bit drunk and kept falling asleep and thinking of Pokemon during the conversation.

We fought about me not liking him being friends with girls and I said I got jealous of any girl spending more time with him than I do- he said no girl does. I said I didn’t like the way some of his friendships were.

The argument ended for him in me saying I would chill about girls and wouldn’t be so pushy.

I think this is definitely one of the most horrific arguments we’ve had.

We went to Christmas lunch at his and he says everything is fine and we’re okay and he loves me. I worry that he’ll change his mind.

I hate that I don’t get to see him till the day after Boxing Day- consequently that is also his birthday.

I’m guessing this Christmas isn’t going to be particularly great.

Grace x

Self-confessed Scrooge Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

scrooge

I hate do not like Christmas. I origionally thought I would go for hate, but that just seemed a bit too drastic to carry through. However, this does not change the fact that I do not like Christmas. Now, as anti-happy as this may sound, I have decided to devise a list of why I am not a fan of this holiday…

1) Pressure: So much pressure to be in a perfect family and have the perfect day with the perfect dinner and for everyone to get perfect presents…seriously? We are constantly told not too put unrealistic expectations on things, however, expecting the perfect Christmas is apparently acceptable?

2) Family: Okay, this may sounds awful…but I get bored. There, I’ve said it. I get bored. I mean, no one wants to exactly hear your stories from nights out and there is never anyone my age at these gatherings so I am a bit stumped for conversation which goes beyond ‘university is going well’

3) Presents: The line for who to get presents for and who not to get presents for is very thin. You can be considered stingy for not giving a present or you can be considered a bit odd for giving someone a present. Also, giving presents to family…they gave you that money for christs sake!

4) Drinking: Apparently everyone seems to think that after 1 glass of wine I will be off my rocker… If that was true I would be so much richer as the expense of going out would be drastically reduced!

5) Smoking: This ones probably my fault because I refuse to admit I smoke…but still, no ciggarette for two days, plus the stress of Christmas…OH DEAR GOD!

6) Agruments: Inevitable

I don’t know, I guess I just think there is too much pressure put on Christmas as it just seems like everyone is being fake on the actual day. Also, what is with the whole month of December being like Christmas? I mean, television shows, radio, supermarkers, adverts…there is simply no escape!

Also, I don’t get to see my boyfriend.

Hmm…I wonder how long into Christmas I’ll be itching to change the bit I said about not actually hating Christmas?

Grace x

What on earth has been going on? PENIS apparently! Sunday, Sep 16 2012 

Well, to be quite honest, nothing out of the ordinary. I’ve just been curled up with my boyfriend since our fight about him inviting Chelsea to stay over (yes, with other people, but still).

Me and my boyfriend also had a fight three nights ago after a boozy night at the pub: neither of us have any idea what it was about so we’re calling it quits.

The day before yesterday we had a bbq, I got tired and fell asleep before everyone left- he woke me up and we cuddled.

Oh! I almost forgot the most important part. PENIS!

Okay, I think this part needs a big of a back story…

You see, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years and were friends for two years before that- anyway, by this point I am rather comfortable with him seeing me completely naked in the light and everything; he does not seem to share the same sentiments. He’s always puts the covers over his manhood and always slips right back into his boxers after sex. I don’t know, he seems to want it covered up or at the very least in the dark.

However, there has been a breakthrough in the last few days! Now, he has only had one bath with me, and that was after very much pestering, but a few days ago he actually told me we were having a bath together! Now, he’s even usually rather funny about having fuck loads of bubbles but in today he seemed completely fine and his dick was happily floating around in the bath for all to see:

A) He’s a bit weird

B) He’s finally got rid of a bad case of herpies

Bizarre.

However, I am glad he seems to feel more comfortable, I quite like penises and would like for his to be allowed out more. Balls I think he’s more comfortable with. Either way, he was rewarded with a blow job.

Grace x

Men are idiots! Tuesday, Sep 11 2012 

So, I mentioned the whole thing about my boyfriend inviting a girl to stay over (again, no, not by herself with other guys there, but I had cried about her staying over before so I was not much impressed).

He refused to come the night I found out

He went out last night so couldn’t

Today he tried to feed me some bull about being hungover. I put my foot down and told him that yes, he would be meeting me. Luckily he was compliant with this and we both agreed to walk towards eachother and meet half way.

We spoke on the whole way home about our respective nights and I began to feel a lot better. Finally, we met eachother and I just wasn’t that angry anymore- I’d missed him and he was very understanding about how wrong he had been. He was also rather horny (to be fair, I had just gone shopping and my have worn all my nice new stuff which featured a very pushy bra and some very short shorts). We rolled around kissing and hugging in the grass and we made up.

It still bugs me that he invited her. It also bugs me that it was so easy to get onto his Facebook and how I didn’t get found out!

We may have fundled around a bit- that probably wasn’t exactly okay as we could be seen from the playground full of kids. Nevermind.

We got cosy on a bench and were just chatting about some random stuff. Little did I know that within minites my boyfriend would prove why the men are completely useless. So, we’re sitting there and he turns to me and says “You sent me a very cryptic text which I just couldn’t reply to yesterday.” Now, I didn’t remember sending any odd texts at all so I asked him what he was talking about:

“The first one.”

“What, the one where I said sorry if I annoyed or bugged you the night before?”

“Yeah.”

“How on earth was that cryptic or difficult to reply to?”

My boyfriend then turned to me, completely baffled and started talking about how there was nothing he could think to reply to that with and had even employed one of his friends to help him (male, again, showing the stupidity). Apparently his friend didn’t know what you could possibly say to that.

“Thank you?” I ask.

“I’m sorry too?” I ask.

“You couldn’t think of that? Seriously?” I ask.

He looks at me in a completely bemused way and says

“Thank you? Why didn’t I think of that? Genius!”

Now, by now I am giving him a look of complete disbelief and confusion.

“Is that why it took you about five hours to reply?” I ask (also, I have just remembered what the reply was: “So we okay now :S”, now, that sounds pretty mean and as if he is still angry at me, it is also nothing exactly helpful and does not appriciate my swallowing of my ego).

“Yup.” Comes his reply.

Seriously? Even writting this I am completely in awe as to his stupidity. I don’t think my text was in any way difficult or confusing to reply to. My conclusion: Men are idiots.

What do you lovely readers think? Is my apologetic text in any way difficult to reply to? Would it stump you if someone sent you that?

Grace x

Fear Sunday, Sep 9 2012 

The fear that he will leave is immeasurable,

Everything’s fine, I know I’m happy.

You can’t get into people’s heads though.

Maybe he isn’t that happy,

Maybe he’ll find someone else,

Maybe the things he says are cute will get annoying,

Maybe I’ll exaggerate a situation and break up with him,

Maybe the worrying will drive him away.

I don’t know why I worry so much,

I’ve got through it before so presumably I can do it again.

I worry that all our friends will take his side,

I worry he’ll find someone else,

I worry I’ll see him with a girl,

I worry he’ll forget and I’ll be the only one hurting,

I worry everything will fall apart.

All this could be stupid.

All this could be true.

Grace x

A wild Grace has been caught! (yes, Pokemon reference) Saturday, Sep 8 2012 

So, as some of you will be aware, I was rather excited to go to the pub last night as I had so much pent up excitement from Thursday’s failure. It started off a bit shit as Jeff (boyfriend) told me to be there at 9.30pm, then when I rang him he said 10pm. Now, this in itself would have been fine, although a tad annoying that I had to ring him and find out he was late- shouldn’t he have told me? Anyway, I didn’t trust that he would be there at 10 so I arrived for 10.30. He still wasn’t bloody there. I was not impressed!

We made up quite quickly though and it was actually a pretty good night, it was just me and the guys so it was very chilled and nice as there is never really any drama with them. I may have had a bit too much to drink as when me and Jeff were walking I was starting to feel rather sick. We were close to his mums and she’s away so we decided to stay there for the night, wow, I nearly threw up AGAIN! Anyway, we had pizza and basically passed out spooning in his bed.

I was so confused when the alarm went off, I had completely forgotten that he was doing work for his dad today and so would be being picked up at 10am! He got dressed and everything good, we cuddled and he left. I stayed in bed a while- it was way too early to get up.

When I did finally decide to go home I cleaned up his room a bit and got my stuff together.

So, as normal I go to the door…and I can’t fucking open it. This rather confused me, I mean, was I just being stupid? Was the lock broken? What the fuck was going on?

I decided to ring Jeff even though I was rather embarrassed I couldn’t open the door of a house I had been in hundreds of times…it turns out he didn’t realise that his brother had double locked the door not realising I was there. Now, I’ve lost my key to that house and Jeff is currently using the spare one. I couldn’t climb through a window as they wanted them all locked because no one would be around for a while. I was basically trapped!

Jeff, my hero, came to get me pretty quickly though and let me out into freedom! Exaggeration I know but I wasn’t feeling too great and just wanted to get home!

Now, this episode of me being locked in got me thinking about other incidents of a Grace in captivity…

The most recent one occured only a few weeks ago. One of my friends was having a house party ( good night, alcohol, standard, whatever), anyway, towards the end me and Jeff were sitting at the end of her garden just having a chat. Suddenly we realise that there is no one outside or inside the house. We assume the door will be open so carry on chatting for a bit. All of a sudden we see my friends brother come down and lock the back door, in our drunken state we, for some reason or other, decided to hide instead of running up the garden and getting let in. I didn’t have a phone at this point as I had lost it clubbing a few days before and Jeff’s phone was dead so we couldn’t ring anyone. We decided that climbing was the only way! We pulled ourselves onto her greenhouse, onto the garage, then there was a gap we kind of stretched over to go on and got onto the roof. We had to shimy down and jump! Jeff cut up his hands and my legs were hurting immensly. We began to walk home and literally almost immediately ran into the girl who’s party it was (she was dropping a drunk friend home)! She said she left them as her brother had said he thought there were people in the garden…WHY LOCK THE DOOR AND NOT EVEN BOTHER CHECKING THEN?!

The other incident is one which happened at university. I was visiting Jeff at his and we went out to the Student Union on a night out, we ended up getting into a drunken meaningless row, Jeff snapped his flip phone in half and I ripped my dress. Anyway, we went back to his and the argument continued. It got a bit heated and he stormed out of the room and slammed the door. I stayed in the room cooling off for a while but then decided to go after him. I stood up and tried to open the door, it didn’t open. I was confused as the lock is on the inside so I didn’t understand what was going on- I decided I was just drunk and being an idiot and figured I didn’t have time to faff around with the door so decided to climb out of the window (now, Jeff is on the first floor which is obviously a blessing, however, he has those windows you can’t open properly, you know the ones with the safety locks so it was a massive hassle getting out but because I was so drunk it didn’t really hurt that much)! Anyway, I managed to escape and soon found him. We made up and went back to his room, I explained what had happened and he said I probably was indeed just being silly so he went to try the door as he had the key. It didn’t work. We were tired, wet and cold so decided to just go through the window and sort it out tomorrow. I climbed in first and it was bloody painful as going in at the angle I got out was a lot trickier. Jeff tried to follow me but was unsuccessful! He said he would just stay as his friend’s room in the next block and went there. I got into bed but decided that I would only worry as we’d argued and wake up ridiculously early and bother both him and his friend. I climbed out, found him in his friend’s room and convinced him to try getting in again. He took of his trousers as they were pretty bulky and tried climbing in, luckily a guy walked past who helped us. Jeff’s underwear was coming off as he slithered in but finally he was in the room! We went to bed.

In the morning we had sobered up and tried the door again. No luck. Jeff’s phone was snapped in half as you remember and I didn’t have one. It was also a Saturday so there wasn’t as many people on duty at the university.We were so hungry and asked people who lived near Jeff, through Facebook, to bring us food. We borrowed a phone and tried to ring locksmiths. We missed the catered dinner and saying goodbye to people as we were leaving for the summer the next day. It took three locksmiths to finally unlock the door.

During the day I had got so many scrapes from climbing out for noodles.But the worst part of this story is still to come. THE TOILET ISSUE. See, I could climb out and there was a sink in the room, but sober it was too painful for Jeff to try to climb out and as the day progressed he needed to go to the bathroom more and more. This trip did not entail anything which could be done in a sink. Yes, Jeff desperately needed a shit. Now, the next part of this story is disgusting in so many ways so I would not blame anyone for fucking off right now- I personally don’t even know how I am going to manage to type this out. The whole needing the toilet thing got too much and Jeff literally HAD to go, this was when we knew we HAD to make a realistic plan.

There was not anything else we could do I promise you, this would have been avoided at all costs. Jeff found a plastic bag which didn’t have any holes in it and said this was the only way and that he would throw it out of the window after. Now, his university room is absolutely tiny so there was literally no where for me to hide but in the closet. I hid in there as Jeff manufactured a toilet out of a recycle bin and a plastic bag. Yes, I heard all of it. Half way through I even heard him say

‘Well, might as well piss in here as well’

I thought it was safe after a while and popped my head out only to see Jeff, bottomless, walking towards the sink carrying a bag full of shit and piss. He thought that now it was slightly diluted it would go down the sink. He was wrong. Luckily he only tried that with some (I was back in the cupboard during this by the way, I wasn’t casually watching him) and the rest stayed in the bag.

Jeff threw the bag out, but, as I have mentioned the windows don’t open wide at all so he couldn’t get a good swing so it didn’t land far away at all. Jeff also had to sort out the sink. He also decided to use the cover suits we wore the night before (it was a paint party they were to protect people’s clothes) to wipe (he forgot to take that out till later that night). Finally the ordeal was over. We sat in silence for quite a while after that.

Now, I feel I have probably disgusted everyone enough I shall end this post with the moral of ‘Do not slam doors and for God’s sake, always have an alternative way out!’

Grace x

PubPubPubPubbbbb! Friday, Sep 7 2012 

Tonight I shall be making up for the failure that was last night!

I can’t wait to see my boyfriend.

I’m excited Judas isn’t going to be there.

I want this to be a calm and awesome night with just loads and loads of fun!

I’m so excited I’m actually specifically showering and shaving for the pub…crazy I know!!

Also, a friend who I only recently made up with (she lied about kissing my boyfriend, was really weird around him, admitted to having feelings for him etc.) is back from working abroad. I don’t know yet know if she is coming tonight but her reappearance back in London shall be interesting. My boyfriend and a lot of our mutual friends still don’t speak to her due to the arguments she caused last year. I am curious to know what is going to unfold in my last weeks before I go back to university. I shall call her Megan and I shall inform everyone accordingly.

Grace x

Arguments, meddling friends and a fuck load of alcohol! Saturday, Sep 1 2012 

So, yesterday I was all moaning about going to the pub because I was so tired. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone. My boyfriend showed up completely wasted and off his head and we ended up arguing about the whole thing that happened with Satan earlier that day (see last post). However, as he was so bloody drunk he went from apologetic to just plain dickhead.

Naturally, Judas (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/08/26/oh-my-god/, basically gets involved in bloody everything to do with me and my boyfriend) got involved yet again. When I decided to walk home by myself she began shouting at me that I was ‘ruining everyone else’s night’! The thing is, how would me staying and arguing with my boyfriend not ruin everyone else’s night? How boring is she to say that if I leave her night will be shit? Don’t play the ‘you’re worried’ card- I live about five minutes away!

Anyway, I found my boyfriend and we talked and talked and he began to sober up and things were actually pretty okay. However, apparently our friends don’t understand when we need some alone time to talk about our problems and sort stuff out- just the two of us. Without them standing over our shoulder; without them intercepting into the argument and without them pretending to be councillors! I definitely think the argument got way more out of hand because people started to get involved!

In the morning I was woken up with sex so that was pretty awesome. It was really hot too, I mean, since the whole hand incident he hasn’t really made much effort. Today he just threw me down and decided to fuck me- seriously hot stuff. We found two new positions from rolling around too! A new fingering/ tossing off one as well!

After we talked and he apologised for being a drunk douche. He’s gone to football now before I see him this evening. I’m happy 🙂

By the way: I’m going camping on Monday! I have never been camping (well, unless festivals count), I’m rather excited. Judas will be there but who cares! I’ll try to sneakily post little tibits, do not know how I’m going to tear myself away from proper blogging from Monday to Wednesday!

Out again tonight, bar crawl!

Grace x

Past Few Days Wednesday, Aug 29 2012 

Hey guys, so, I have gone a bit AWOL (absent without official leave; yes I did look up the official definition). Well, it has been a hectic few days. You see, my boyfriend doesn’t know about this blog (as some of you will know he’s in the same friendship group as me, and well, I can’t loose another place to vent about him in), so, it can be difficult to write sometimes as we are pretty much together 24/7.

Mon 27th: First of all, we managed to get into a massive fight where he threatened to leave the house because he didn’t want to stay here and I spoke like I had decided to break up with him (I do this quite a bit though, it makes him think about what he’s saying more). The fight was basically, well, about fighting. It seems that I am the one who brings up issues and somehow, even if I start as the one who is upset he manages to turn it so I end up apologising to him. We made up pretty well though and ended up having a very good night. The thing is, I’m not surprised we ended up fighting, I mean, we were in the process of moving rooms in the house and some general re-decoration; as you can imagine that is bloody strenuous! I am also very adverse to team work, I hate it. This was made even worse by the fact that he only has one hand. It was a stressful day. I think I will be doing house modifications myself in the future, I seem to be a lot better than him at DIY anyway!

Tue 28th: Our friendship group usually goes to a specific pub on Tuesdays, they have pound drinks and basically everyone we know is there and it’s generally quite great. Now, me and my boyfriend were all for going, especially as this week we would be celebrating a mutual friend’s birthday as for her actual birthday she would be away at uni (those of you who have read my earlier posts, this was Chelsea by the way). Now, a few hours before we are about to go he notifies me that a friend of his is back from a month long holiday so he will be going to see him. Now, I would usually not mind but after the day before I really wanted to spend time with him and definitely spend the night. In the end though we ended up going food shopping and he got a bit lazy and cuddly and asked if I just wanted to stay home. I said yes.

Wed 29th: He has just left to have dinner at his dad’s and I am quickly back on WordPress! Although I should probably be doing house work I shall probably be posting like a lunatic! 

Fun Facts:

I now have a different room

I have drastically changed my hair colour (light blonde to dark brown)

I am going to attempt to be tidy!

…These changes are interesting after I have recently posted about wanting to mix things up.

I’m happy.

Happy Wednesday people!

Grace x

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