Continuation of what happens when curiosity gets the better of you Monday, Sep 10 2012 

So, my last post ( https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/i-guess-it-was-inevitable-that-i-would-open-this-can-of-worms/ ) was all about me finding a message from my boyfriend (Jeff, if you’ve been reading) to a girl (Chelsea, if you’ve been keeping up). Yes, yes this was in a group not the two of them or anything but after my previous reaction to it I just thought it was fucking ridiculous!

Anyway, I texted him saying that I was ridiculously angry at him and he should be at mine in the morning.

He replied with a fucking ‘? x.’ How, fucking caring of him

I then told him to fuck off and said that I had just got a text from someone saying that he had asked Chelsea to stay over (yes, yes, I know, I hacked his account and that’s how I found out but I just knew if I said that the argument would turn into him shouting at me about that so I improvised, apparently someone told me and ‘I promised I wouldn’t tell him who it was to avoid drama’…I think for someone who had just come back from the pub that is fucking impressive). 

He said that he had invited a group of people (not me, how fucking lovely…all our friends are mutual). Also, something I just realised: Chelsea said she wouldn’t stay over because she saw how upset I got (what a bitch), then again, what can I expect from someone who swore on her mum’s life she wouldn’t have sex with my ex boyfriend and I found out they did within a week of us breaking up (slut). 

Anyway there were a few more texts in which I explained that he knew he hurt me before so why would he do it again and he kept saying it was in a group so it was fine.

I got bored of this and told him to ring me. He did.

Now, this phone call was just a fucking mess, he was tired, he wasn’t taking me seriously, he thought I was over reacting. It just kept getting worse and worse and eventually he had the nerve to say that he was angry with ME. For fucks sake…what on earth did I do?

He always says that I start the arguments…yes, because I don’t ever give you reason to start them!

I ended up begging him to start walking towards mine. I know it’s pathetic but I begged and begged him to start walking. He said it wasn’t always his job to make me feel better (well, if you cause the hurt, yes it fucking is) and that he couldn’t be bothered because he was in bed (yes, and I was completely awake and not in bed at 2am, really?)

I begged for ages. I even gave a lovely speech with tears and little catchphrases I know he finds cute.

He said no.

It was a definitive no.

He said I could get a taxi to his or I could go there tomorrow (that would be today)

I said no, that wasn’t the point. I had this image of us walking towards each other, speeding up and finally running into an embrace. I’d cry and he’d hold me. We would make up.

This is the first night we have ever gone to bed angry at each other in two years. 

He said he would ring me tomorrow.

I said not to. 

It was meant to be a statement rather than something he would actually do. Goddamnit I am NOT ringing him though! 

I hate that he doesn’t care.

I’m not sure what’s going on with us.

I can’t wait to get drunk today.

Grace x

I guess it was inevitable that I would open this can of worms… Monday, Sep 10 2012 

Basically, I know my boyfriend’s Facebook password, I’ve known it for a long time but have always been very well behaved as to not use this knowledge to go through his messages. 

Yesterday, I accidently unblocked my ex boyfriend when I was trying to block someone else- I was drunk, what do you expect. Anyway, I tried to block him again straight after but you have to wait 48 hours to reblock someone. Now, I don’t know how he found out so quickly that I blocked him- chance of being online or something I guess I don’t know; but anyway, he rang me and started shouting at me about not being there for him. I explained that if my boyfriend was all besties and secrets with his ex girlfriend he would be hurtling out of my window by now.

After I hung up I realised that this guy could potentially message my boyfriend saying that I had unblocked him and stir up trouble I couldn’t be bothered to deal with. With that I decided to hack my boyfriend’s account and delete anything from my ex. I would obviously tell him about the phone call and the unblocking but I just didn’t want him getting wound up for a whole day before I got to explain face to face.

There was nothing in his inbox but I did spot a conversation between him and Chelsea (if you remember her, she’s the one who always lies about drastic things, have got with my boyfriend [Jeff], and is just generally fucking annoying and slutty).

Now, Chelsea had stayed over at Jeff’s many a time before- his is a bit of a party house, however, since we’ve been dating it has only happened twice and when I found out I cried for days. Jeff knew this.

The messages between them were Jeff asking Chelsea if she was free to come over and saying that she could crash. He has invited other people. Today he told me he couldn’t go to the pub as it was his dad’s birthday, that he couldn’t stay at mine because it was his dad’s birthday and he didn’t even invite me to his!

The thing is, it’s not that I think Jeff would have cheated on me, but I just don’t understand why, after how much I cried and screamed, he would invite her to ‘crash’ at his for the night. I mean, she lives like fucking ten minutes away anyway!

I was not happy and decided to confront Jeff…

(to be continued)

Grace x

PubPubPubPubbbbb! Friday, Sep 7 2012 

Tonight I shall be making up for the failure that was last night!

I can’t wait to see my boyfriend.

I’m excited Judas isn’t going to be there.

I want this to be a calm and awesome night with just loads and loads of fun!

I’m so excited I’m actually specifically showering and shaving for the pub…crazy I know!!

Also, a friend who I only recently made up with (she lied about kissing my boyfriend, was really weird around him, admitted to having feelings for him etc.) is back from working abroad. I don’t know yet know if she is coming tonight but her reappearance back in London shall be interesting. My boyfriend and a lot of our mutual friends still don’t speak to her due to the arguments she caused last year. I am curious to know what is going to unfold in my last weeks before I go back to university. I shall call her Megan and I shall inform everyone accordingly.

Grace x

Being productive is hard! Friday, Sep 7 2012 

So, today I have decided that I shall be extreamly productive and sort out my room, ring my grandparents and sort out my student finance for next year. I have even been as strict with myself as to say that at 12pm (in exactly 10 minutes) I shall get my ass of wordpress and not go on until I have rang the student finance people.

I also really want to go out and get drunk tonight after last night’s failed attempt.

Oh, and what I didn’t mention in my earlier post when I was rather drunk after not getting into a club because I couldn’t be bothered to find my British ID and took my Russian one is that Judas decided to put her and my boyfriend as her cover photo on Facebook. Now, I know it’s probably really petty to care but come on, just the two of them all big on her profile, it fucking irritated the shit out of me and I sent my boyfriend a rather seething text message about how horrified I was at this. She’s changed it now. In my mind that means she thought it was fuck off weird too.

Getting out of bed is going to be a right pain in the backside, probably literally as I am rather bruised after going camping a few days ago.

I have also thought up my question of the day!

Question 5: When do you think it is appropriate to say I love you and would you say it first?

Answer 5: I think that saying I love you is hugely special and should not be said the way it often is now a days. I think it should truly mean that the person you are saying it to is your best friend and lover and you see each other being together forever (even if this isn’t realistic you should at least see the possibility, after all, if you really love them wouldn’t you work to make that happen). My current boyfriend sort of said I love you after six months; well, he basically said ‘ I don’t know if I like or love you’ and I pretended to hurt my head on the lift to change the subject as I didn’t know how to react. I mean, reacting to I love you is hard enough but his who;re ‘I don’t know bit’ was just too much! He said it again later and I just couldn’t reciprocate for a few months because I wasn’t ready to say it. Thankfully he let me have the grace period and I finally said it after 8 and a half months together. He did kind of push towards the end but I wanted to say it by then, I was just too scared. I think a lot of that had to do with my ex; we had met in year 8 and said I love you within about two weeks (I said it first, I was overwhelmed by feelings as he was my first proper boyfriend and we had just been telling each other our deepest secrets)- we did end up staying together for about another five years (with a lot of on and offs) but I did realise that we just said it all the time to make the other one happy and a lot of the time we didn’t actually mean it. Now I’m a big believer in waiting. 

Grace x

Today’s the day! Monday, Sep 3 2012 

The camping trip is about to begin! I am in the bath with my laptop and I guess this is going to be goodbye for a while, gosh I’m going to miss blogging!

Judas is coming I think, she is also being rather stuck up and not having the food/alcohol we bought for everyone and having her own stuff, tent and all. Come on, it’s a group thing for only two nights, RELAX!

She has also decided that we need to leave later as she’s not ready. Ridiculous!

Now, I have been suspicious of her for a while now and this whole camping business will, I hope, let me get to the bottom of what’s going on. The thing is I know I may sound slightly crazy and off my rocker but she was previously a good friend of mine but has been acting very cold or mean to me ever since Christmas and now it’s just getting out of hand and out of control!

I hope my phone works up there…especially if I need to rant about her.

I do hope this trip goes well, otherwise it’s going to be a very expensive rubbish few days! I am optimistic! Plus, the camp site is near where my friend from university lives so she’s going to come meet me at some point in the three days which will be AWESOME- I miss her. I miss university.

At least I get to cuddle up with my boyfriend every night we’re there, which I do anyway I guess but a new setting is always nice. Last time we were in a tent we weren’t together and were sharing with another guy and a girl who afterwards became his girlfriend for a few months. Yes, she was my friend. Yes, I may be judged for that. I think that story may just be one of the posts I do when I return from this trip.

Tent-sex? Good? Bad? I shall report back (well, I hope I’ll be able to report back: otherwise this would be a very unsuccessful trip).

Question 3: (Okay, this is slightly related to the post I guess, mentioning it I thought it would make quite a good question) Would you ever go out with your best friend’s ex?

Answer 3: Well, I did. So apparently I would. The thing is, things with us were brooding for a very long time and we did really like each other. They weren’t together for any long amount of time so I didn’t think it would be too bad, I also thought that at the end of the day I liked him and would want to give things a go. I did speak to her about it first once I knew things were going to happen with us. It was hard and it has been hard since but I felt like I just had to. It’s also been nearly two years so I guess I didn’t do it for nothing, more on this story when I’m back.

Grace x

Off to PARTAYYYY Saturday, Sep 1 2012 

Today we’re going for a bar crawl and I’m actually quite excited for it, this is especially because last night’s drunk escapades were, to be honest, completely shit!

I really want a good night, I want a night without drama but which isn’t boring.

I want a night where me and my boyfriend are happy and loving drunks together.

I want gossip and I want something to happen which doesn’t involve me (selfish?).

I am so late! I still need to shower, shave and get ready. I should probably fuck off WordPress and get on it! Blogging is so bloody addictive!

Is it just me or is getting ready for a night out amazing!

Also, I want to start getting more interactive with blogging, so, for every post I shall ask a completely unrelated but (hopefully) interesting question that people can answer, I shall also post mine 🙂

(Sits with crossed fingers hoping people actually reply)

Question 1: Would you ever stay with someone who cheated on you?

Answer 1: I think this heavily depends of a lot of circumstantial elements: how long were you with them? Who did they cheat on you with? Was it pre-meditated? Why did they cheat on you? What did the cheating consist of? Was there more of a connection than just a sexual act? Do I feel they would do it again? How many times? How did I find out? I think the answers to a lot of these questions would be the ones who made the decision for me, the thing is, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be able to maintain a relationship with someone who cheated on me and I think that there would be little point in carrying on the relationship if I didn’t fully forgive them and made jibes about it after we had spoken about it. I think forgiving is an extreamly difficult task. I guess it would boil down to whether I loved and trusted them to carry on the relationship. I also think this is a very difficult question to answer if you are not currently in the situation.

Grace x

31st August 2012 Friday, Aug 31 2012 

I couldn’t really think of a title for this post.

I was successful in being awake and went to the hospital with my boyfriend to remove the stitches on his hand.

It was a good day and I didn’t want to leave him. So, we went back to his dad’s and he happened to mention that he had a very busy day tomorrow:

“Doing what?” I asked

“Stuff”

“What stuff?”

“Seeing people”

“What people?”

“High school people”

“Oh, you guys are on it!” (He’d met up with his high school friends quite a lot recently)

“No, not them”

Now, before you get the wrong idea, these questions were asked with some space between them, also, he usually just says who he is going with so I got a bit suspicious when he kept giving me these bullshit answers.

“Is Douchebag going to be there?” I ask (let’s say that’s his ex-girlfriend’s name)

“No, she didn’t go to my high school”

I should have probably known this, but it was a long time ago.

After this, I let it go. We got to his dad’s and I began making nachos for him. Then a horrific thought hit me. You see, he has this friend, let’s call her Satan, now, him and Satan had fooled around before and I guess you could call them friends; but one night when he went out with his friends she tried to make out with him even though she knew he had a girlfriend (me). Now, he didn’t tell me about this for ages (I don’t doubt it didn’t happen, I mean my friends would have told me, plus, she ended up getting with several other guys that night; including hooking up with my boyfriend’s friend during and for a while after).

“Satan! Satan’s going to be there isn’t she!” I suddenly gain realisation

“Yeah.”

Now, this fucked me off royally! I mean, they haven’t seen each other since she tried to kiss him and what kind of friend tries to get of with their taken friend? His whole case was based on the fact that they were friends and I should therefore not be upset, furthermore, he argued that nothing weird has happened since- they haven’t fucking SEEN each other since!

I was now fuming.

I am still fuming to some extent I think. The thing is, it’s not that he was seeing her which truly upset me, it was the fact that I had to GUESS that she would be there, he didn’t tell me himself; just like the kissing incident wasn’t brought up by him.

We argued, he got rather stroppy at one point and said he wouldn’t go to the meal then. I said that that wasn’t the point. He got angry because apparently he was doing ‘all he could.’ How about fucking telling me you’re seeing her! He even claimed that he would have mentioned it tomorrow (what, when they had already met up? Great). He said he didn’t want the reaction I was giving him now. My reaction was mainly because he didn’t tell me! Also, it contradicted his other argument of him saying he didn’t think I would think it was a big deal.

He’s not going to the meal now, apparently it’s his choice because he wants to go shopping for the camping trip me, him and some friends are taking in a few days.

I don’t want to be the one who makes him not go, I want him not to go out of decency.

I don’t even particularly care if he goes. I just want him to tell me next time. He knows who and what bothers me so just tell me about it.

Friends don’t try to make out with friends who are in relationships. Fucking slut.

His hand is fine though. I’m going to get drunk at the pub today.

Grace x