I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday Thursday, Mar 7 2013 

I don’t feel like he really wants me around I mean, sure, he’ll say I’m welcome, he won’t say no to me coming but he won’t explicitly ask me to come. It’s getting to the point where it’s a bit ridiculous now. He seems perfectly content not to see me for two weeks and, since it will be the Easter break then, it will only really be with other people except for night time.

I just want him to be the one ringing me and asking me to come over, the one who sits wondering what he’s doing. I can’t even really talk to him as it always turns into an argument and he just doesn’t understand at all- he’s felt needed and wanted everyday for over two years. I’m not sure what percentage of that can be said for me; but it’s not high.

I want to go see him today, and I know I can, but now we’re in a bad mood with each other and the pub is looking like a much more fun option.

The reception cut out while we were arguing on the phone and he still hasn’t rang back- who am I kidding, I’m clearly going to be the one that rings him, my resolve is pathetic.

I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday.

Grace

x

Christmas is over Wednesday, Dec 26 2012 

I enjoyed the first cigarette today when I got back home from my nans house. They know I smoke and they smoke yet I don’t feel comfortable smoking there.

Kind of like sex…people know it happens but it isn’t mentioned.

Christmas was okay but I just wanted to get home, it seems that a lot of Christmas sentiments are made up really, it doesn’t feel like what happens is real. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wants to be there all that much and everyone just wants to get back to their respective houses. I think my family have branched into their own families and that’s where they really want to be.

Christmas was a lot better when I was younger. Now it’s filled with unsaid tensions.

I’m glad it’s done now and I can look forward to New Years Eve. That feels more real. That’s done with friends and it’s clear that if you’re invited people want you there, you’re not going to get an invite to a New Year’s Eve party out of some sort of family loyalty.

I don’t know if the whole argument with my boyfriend has blown over.

It wasn’t too bad this year but I am so glad Christmas is over

Grace x

‘Facials’ – And not the £40 spa kind Monday, Dec 24 2012 

sperm

In this month’s Cosmopolitan there was an article about what men like to do in bed that women have mixed feelings about. Amongst the obvious threesomes and anal exploration one aspect of this article focused on ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Now, this caught my eye as a few months ago my boyfriend asked me to do it when he was drunk and it has since happened a few more times (including last night after our argument- well, that’s one way to shorten his annoyance with me).

Within the article the discussion focused around whether or not this act was degrading to women. When I looked further into the topic the aspect of degradation continued to appear with great prevalence.

Now, the question which popped into my mind was- if this is degrading surely other sexual acts can also be deemed as degrading to women? Some examples which came to mind are doggy, jizzing on boobs and spanking. I also tried to think of what acts could be seen as sexually degrading to mean and couldn’t think any to name. Turning to the trusted Google search I was also fruitless in any sexual acts which were stated as sexually degrading to men.

It appears only women can be degraded and only acts men can do are sexually degrading. Blow jobs were often high on degradation lists, however licking a woman out appears to be seen as a sign of a guy who cares about you and your pleasure. It seems only women can be degraded and there isn’t really anything which can typically degrade a men.

Personally I do not think any of these acts are degrading. I think the concept that many women would do acts they find degrading to men is degrading. Women have a choice and they do not typically need to do anything they do not want to do. I have done all the acts discussed and never felt degraded.

I think degradation comes from much deeper roots than the act you are preforming- for example, from being forced to do something you are not comfortable with.

I think you should do whatever you and your partner are happy with. Stop thinking about whether you are being degraded and instead consider whether you yourself are against these acts- that’s what truly matters.
Of course this is only my personal opinion- what do you readers think?

Grace x

Explosion Monday, Dec 24 2012 

Yesterday me and some friends went to a pub, my boyfriend was amongst the group that went.

He had made a pub quiz for us all to do and when the pub closed decided to carry on doing it outside.

I was freezing and made a fuss about us just going home as I hadn’t slept the night before; was ridiculously cold; and just believed the night was over.

He still continued with the quiz and insisted I stayed when I tried to leave even thought I said he could just come home after me.

Anyway, we walked home in complete silence with me putting my headphones on.

When we got home he gave me a kiss on the head and said bye- apparently he was going to his dads.

He walked off and after having a little cry on the street I followed him.
nodmdo
I think the above picture is the only way to describe what happened next…

He completely exploded about me always wanting to get my own way and being weird about him being friends with girls. He then refused to come back to mine.

It was a truly horrific night with a lot of crying and I genuinely thought we were breaking up.

Finally, he came back home.

I was so tired and a bit drunk and kept falling asleep and thinking of Pokemon during the conversation.

We fought about me not liking him being friends with girls and I said I got jealous of any girl spending more time with him than I do- he said no girl does. I said I didn’t like the way some of his friendships were.

The argument ended for him in me saying I would chill about girls and wouldn’t be so pushy.

I think this is definitely one of the most horrific arguments we’ve had.

We went to Christmas lunch at his and he says everything is fine and we’re okay and he loves me. I worry that he’ll change his mind.

I hate that I don’t get to see him till the day after Boxing Day- consequently that is also his birthday.

I’m guessing this Christmas isn’t going to be particularly great.

Grace x

Shopping, sales and sleep deprevation Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

I haven’t slept tonight, seems to be a rather clear corrolation between not being with my boyfriend and not sleeping which is absolutely crap to be honest.

However, I did make my first purchase for the holiday we’re going on in January, took me forever to find the complete set and now my UK size 6 self is going to end up wearing UK size 14 bottoms as I fell so in love with this bikini and couldn’t find bottoms of any smaller size anywhere!

However, I will do whatever it takes to sort this outfit out and for it to be okay…I mean, this, for only £11? Home delivery before New Years Eve?

Irresistible ❤

bikini

Grace x

Self-confessed Scrooge Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

scrooge

I hate do not like Christmas. I origionally thought I would go for hate, but that just seemed a bit too drastic to carry through. However, this does not change the fact that I do not like Christmas. Now, as anti-happy as this may sound, I have decided to devise a list of why I am not a fan of this holiday…

1) Pressure: So much pressure to be in a perfect family and have the perfect day with the perfect dinner and for everyone to get perfect presents…seriously? We are constantly told not too put unrealistic expectations on things, however, expecting the perfect Christmas is apparently acceptable?

2) Family: Okay, this may sounds awful…but I get bored. There, I’ve said it. I get bored. I mean, no one wants to exactly hear your stories from nights out and there is never anyone my age at these gatherings so I am a bit stumped for conversation which goes beyond ‘university is going well’

3) Presents: The line for who to get presents for and who not to get presents for is very thin. You can be considered stingy for not giving a present or you can be considered a bit odd for giving someone a present. Also, giving presents to family…they gave you that money for christs sake!

4) Drinking: Apparently everyone seems to think that after 1 glass of wine I will be off my rocker… If that was true I would be so much richer as the expense of going out would be drastically reduced!

5) Smoking: This ones probably my fault because I refuse to admit I smoke…but still, no ciggarette for two days, plus the stress of Christmas…OH DEAR GOD!

6) Agruments: Inevitable

I don’t know, I guess I just think there is too much pressure put on Christmas as it just seems like everyone is being fake on the actual day. Also, what is with the whole month of December being like Christmas? I mean, television shows, radio, supermarkers, adverts…there is simply no escape!

Also, I don’t get to see my boyfriend.

Hmm…I wonder how long into Christmas I’ll be itching to change the bit I said about not actually hating Christmas?

Grace x

Trying to get back into blogging… Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

Laziness, busyness, a feeling that there is an overwhelming amount to say?

I don’t really know why I’ve been so rubbish with the blog, I guess, the fact that I have to hide it from the boyfriend I’m living with makes it difficult, that and my constant procrastination.

Anyway, things in my world are pretty normal at the moment, sure, things have happened but nothing has fundamentally changed. It’s funny, I started this blog when I was missing my boyfriend and I seem to go back to it when I’m missing him too…

This isn’t a proper post I know, just a brief mention that I plan to be back and am off to reply to the comments I’ve been getting.

Hope everyone is well!!

Grace x

It would be 1 month tomorrow… Friday, Nov 9 2012 

So, I guess I am a bit pathetic at blogging when I have something to do, I guess I have been rather overrun with university things, also, there has been crazy tension in the house I’m living in and my boyfriend and Judas seem to be getting closer by the day. I have decided to get straight back on the blogging horse though, and I’m going to get back to how things were, multiple blogs a day and days without when I can’t successfully hide what I’m doing from my boyfriend.

Anyway, I’m going to trot of and have a look at the messages I see flashing at the top of the screen and decide what my (re) debut story will be about

By the way, how do I still get views?! That’s just amazing!

Grace x

When drunk, apparently I become a porn star… Wednesday, Oct 10 2012 

I have neglected my blog I know, I’ve actually been pretty pathetic with it. I thought I would actually be a lot better with it when my boyfriend wasn’t living with me but I guess I’ve just been busy- at least ya’ll know I’ve been having a good time. Anyway, the first story that I’m going to share today happened a few days ago when I visited my boyfriend at his university. I went up on the Thursday and we went out on Friday night. Now, usually, we end up getting into some sort of drunk argument but Friday went without a hitch and was an absolutely great night! We got so so soooo drunk. So drunk even that when we came back to his he said that he was too drunk to actually get his dick up- being the trooper I am I decided this was not a statement but more, a challenge. So off I went with my usual hand and mouth motions. I’m not exactly sure what happened next but, well, things got pretty dirty.

He was crouching so his balls were literally completely covering my face and I was under him sucking away, during this he started to toss himself off which I thought was ridiculously hot so told him to carry on when he made me do it. I kept stopping him whenever I felt that he was close as I just wanted it to carry on. I don’t know what it was but it was the loss of inhibitions that I really was enjoying, I mean, he was telling me the things he wanted to do and how good things felt and I just loved it.

I was licking his balls all over while he groaned. I liked the fact that he had the control to slip his dick into my mouth when he wanted to or push me down when he wanted some more ball lovin’. This continued for a while until he said ‘I want to cum on your face.’ This was hot. He had never said that before and had never done it, I mean, mouth, tits, pussy etc. he’d done, but never actually on my face. I didn’t hear him the first time he said it so I asked him to repeat himself. I think a little of his inhibition wore off then as he rolled off me and started to cuddle…’what?’ I asked ‘why have you gone away? You just said you wanted to cum on my face’ (I am never ever this forward, and neither is he, I don’t even know how he managed to ask).

‘Well, you can’t really ask someone that…’ Comes his reply

‘You can ask me anything’ (I believe this is what broke down any kind of ‘treat her like a lady’ premise he may have held).

So then began my one woman porn star act. I got dick slapped, yes, on my face, dick slapped repeatedly and was actually informed the next morning that I enjoyed it as I was making noises…now, in this scenario I do believe I could have been making noises for more porn star quality or, the more likely option, I think I enjoyed him taking so much charge. Guys in charge are haaawwwtttt!

Anyway, this continued for quite some time, I think I got very little attention that night but I did learn that I quite like balls in my face and that my point about drunk sex has been solidified even more.

Grace x

 

Getting locked out, back to school disco and being a lot more independant than I origionally anticipated Monday, Oct 1 2012 

1st by title and also my first issue today was that I got locked out of my bedroom…not my house, my bedroom! Basically, the doors we have for our bedrooms lock automatically if they are closed (like the typical front door), hence, when I tried to pop to the bathroom and the wind smashed my door shut I was left in the corridor (strangely our front door does not lock automatically and it needs to be locked on both leaving and entering the house). Anyway, this really annoyed me as I had a long list of things to do today. Also, I like to have some time by myself and I am not a fan of constantly being downstairs with housemates. I mean, of course they are lovely people but a person needs their space you know. Anyway, I called the landlord and he said he would be over within the hour, he then rang back to say he would be there in seven whole hours! Finally, that time has arrived, well, he was late, but luckily I have finally got into my room and am so damn happy!

I also can’t wait to go out tonight, I love the ‘back to school’ disco theme where everyone dresses up in school uniform! Also, I am quite intrigued to see what it’s going to be like, I mean, it’s a freshers event where everyone is essentially desperately trying to make friends, being a happy second year is going to be quite nice…this does in no way mean I am not going to get absolutely off the handle drunk!

Lastly, I feel very content and happy with myself. I thought I’d be a wreck being away from my boyfriend after living with him all summer- however, I am thoroughly enjoying the company of others, my own space and life in general! This makes me feel really good about myself as it is always nice to know that although you love someone you are able to function without them. I think it’s also quite healthy that we have this week apart with our friends and getting back into the swing of things…this does in no way mean I am not crazy excited about seeing him on the weekend!

Grace x

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