Christmas is over Wednesday, Dec 26 2012 

I enjoyed the first cigarette today when I got back home from my nans house. They know I smoke and they smoke yet I don’t feel comfortable smoking there.

Kind of like sex…people know it happens but it isn’t mentioned.

Christmas was okay but I just wanted to get home, it seems that a lot of Christmas sentiments are made up really, it doesn’t feel like what happens is real. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wants to be there all that much and everyone just wants to get back to their respective houses. I think my family have branched into their own families and that’s where they really want to be.

Christmas was a lot better when I was younger. Now it’s filled with unsaid tensions.

I’m glad it’s done now and I can look forward to New Years Eve. That feels more real. That’s done with friends and it’s clear that if you’re invited people want you there, you’re not going to get an invite to a New Year’s Eve party out of some sort of family loyalty.

I don’t know if the whole argument with my boyfriend has blown over.

It wasn’t too bad this year but I am so glad Christmas is over

Grace x

Explosion Monday, Dec 24 2012 

Yesterday me and some friends went to a pub, my boyfriend was amongst the group that went.

He had made a pub quiz for us all to do and when the pub closed decided to carry on doing it outside.

I was freezing and made a fuss about us just going home as I hadn’t slept the night before; was ridiculously cold; and just believed the night was over.

He still continued with the quiz and insisted I stayed when I tried to leave even thought I said he could just come home after me.

Anyway, we walked home in complete silence with me putting my headphones on.

When we got home he gave me a kiss on the head and said bye- apparently he was going to his dads.

He walked off and after having a little cry on the street I followed him.
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I think the above picture is the only way to describe what happened next…

He completely exploded about me always wanting to get my own way and being weird about him being friends with girls. He then refused to come back to mine.

It was a truly horrific night with a lot of crying and I genuinely thought we were breaking up.

Finally, he came back home.

I was so tired and a bit drunk and kept falling asleep and thinking of Pokemon during the conversation.

We fought about me not liking him being friends with girls and I said I got jealous of any girl spending more time with him than I do- he said no girl does. I said I didn’t like the way some of his friendships were.

The argument ended for him in me saying I would chill about girls and wouldn’t be so pushy.

I think this is definitely one of the most horrific arguments we’ve had.

We went to Christmas lunch at his and he says everything is fine and we’re okay and he loves me. I worry that he’ll change his mind.

I hate that I don’t get to see him till the day after Boxing Day- consequently that is also his birthday.

I’m guessing this Christmas isn’t going to be particularly great.

Grace x

Self-confessed Scrooge Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

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I hate do not like Christmas. I origionally thought I would go for hate, but that just seemed a bit too drastic to carry through. However, this does not change the fact that I do not like Christmas. Now, as anti-happy as this may sound, I have decided to devise a list of why I am not a fan of this holiday…

1) Pressure: So much pressure to be in a perfect family and have the perfect day with the perfect dinner and for everyone to get perfect presents…seriously? We are constantly told not too put unrealistic expectations on things, however, expecting the perfect Christmas is apparently acceptable?

2) Family: Okay, this may sounds awful…but I get bored. There, I’ve said it. I get bored. I mean, no one wants to exactly hear your stories from nights out and there is never anyone my age at these gatherings so I am a bit stumped for conversation which goes beyond ‘university is going well’

3) Presents: The line for who to get presents for and who not to get presents for is very thin. You can be considered stingy for not giving a present or you can be considered a bit odd for giving someone a present. Also, giving presents to family…they gave you that money for christs sake!

4) Drinking: Apparently everyone seems to think that after 1 glass of wine I will be off my rocker… If that was true I would be so much richer as the expense of going out would be drastically reduced!

5) Smoking: This ones probably my fault because I refuse to admit I smoke…but still, no ciggarette for two days, plus the stress of Christmas…OH DEAR GOD!

6) Agruments: Inevitable

I don’t know, I guess I just think there is too much pressure put on Christmas as it just seems like everyone is being fake on the actual day. Also, what is with the whole month of December being like Christmas? I mean, television shows, radio, supermarkers, adverts…there is simply no escape!

Also, I don’t get to see my boyfriend.

Hmm…I wonder how long into Christmas I’ll be itching to change the bit I said about not actually hating Christmas?

Grace x

Goodbyes (and a question of trust) Saturday, Sep 8 2012 

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One of the people I went camping left straight after to go back to university.

Yesterday two of the guys at the pub said their goodbyes as they’ve left today.

Tonight is a big group goodbye as I won’t see most of the people there till Christmas.

Tuesday is the last time we go to the pub which we always go to on Tuesdays.

It’s that time again, the time when everyone goes their separate ways to their universities and most of them I won’t see till Christmas which is so so sad. I got rather teary saying goodbye yesterday, I mean the time we were at the pub just seemed like the typical casual night but when we had to go our separate ways home it really hit me- I’m not going to see these guys for months.

I can’t imagine what it would be like if they left and I wasn’t going to university, it would just be absolutely horrendous! At least this way it’s not like I’m getting left behind. Me and Jeff will probably leave within a few days of each other and that will be great because I’ll still get to see him but it’s not going to be living together everyday as it has been this summer which is sad. I love waking up to him and I always fall asleep so much easier and faster when he’s holding me. Also, Judas is going to the same university as him and she’s conveniently chosen to be in his block which absolutely sucks. I really hope she gets her own friends and isn’t just with him everyday. I hope they don’t have private jokes together and I hope she doesn’t feel the need to be around whenever I visit.

Jeff said he’s getting me a little surprise present before I go and said he’s also taking me somewhere.

I’m in a very remembering mood right now and I’m just reminiscing over everything but at the same time I am so excited to go back to university. I’m excited for my new house and I’m excited not to have all mutual friends with Jeff as this can get very tricky in a relationship. I’m excited for the parties and the clothes sales. I’m excited to see my university friends and to hear about their summers. Strangely, I’m also excited to do work, I feel like I have done nothing particularly productive this summer at all and I miss the 2am stints in the library.

It’s also time for my daily question to you guys:

Question 6: Do you feel you are capable of completely trusting a person, I mean, what if everyone around you was saying things about them and it did seem like they were true, is there a person you would believe literally regardless of anything people said? Do you think it’s good to have that amount of trust in someone? If you do trust someone like this then who is it?

Answer 6: Well, I would say my family, but the thing is that seems a bit irrelevant to the question as no one I know is really going to say things to my family and it’s not like they and my friends go to the same places and chat all the time. I think this question relates more to friends and lovers. I mean, I think I do find it difficult to absolutely and completely trust anyone but in my defence there has always been a lot of drama and issues in my group so it can be difficult. In terms of Jeff I don’t know if I can answer this question without being in the situation, I think that he is the person I trust the most and I do think I would believe his word over the words of others unless I had a definite reason not to. I think the point that I would stop trusting him would be if I had difinative proof, for example a picture or actually catching him cheating on me, I really don’t think I would want to throw us away because of common rumours and I would never want to think that I broke up with him for no reason. However, if these rumours did keep surfacing there may be issues, I just think that in our relationship we’re very talkative and there would be ages and ages of us talking before we broke up over something like cheating rumours. I think it is good to be able to trust people but not in a blind way, even if you love someone you need to be able to look at the situation and not just believe them because you love them but because you love them and see that they are telling the truth. You cannot be blind with your trust and give it to people who don’t deserve it, but over all I do think that level of trust is brilliant and I wish I had more of it.

Grace x