Explosion Monday, Dec 24 2012 

Yesterday me and some friends went to a pub, my boyfriend was amongst the group that went.

He had made a pub quiz for us all to do and when the pub closed decided to carry on doing it outside.

I was freezing and made a fuss about us just going home as I hadn’t slept the night before; was ridiculously cold; and just believed the night was over.

He still continued with the quiz and insisted I stayed when I tried to leave even thought I said he could just come home after me.

Anyway, we walked home in complete silence with me putting my headphones on.

When we got home he gave me a kiss on the head and said bye- apparently he was going to his dads.

He walked off and after having a little cry on the street I followed him.
nodmdo
I think the above picture is the only way to describe what happened next…

He completely exploded about me always wanting to get my own way and being weird about him being friends with girls. He then refused to come back to mine.

It was a truly horrific night with a lot of crying and I genuinely thought we were breaking up.

Finally, he came back home.

I was so tired and a bit drunk and kept falling asleep and thinking of Pokemon during the conversation.

We fought about me not liking him being friends with girls and I said I got jealous of any girl spending more time with him than I do- he said no girl does. I said I didn’t like the way some of his friendships were.

The argument ended for him in me saying I would chill about girls and wouldn’t be so pushy.

I think this is definitely one of the most horrific arguments we’ve had.

We went to Christmas lunch at his and he says everything is fine and we’re okay and he loves me. I worry that he’ll change his mind.

I hate that I don’t get to see him till the day after Boxing Day- consequently that is also his birthday.

I’m guessing this Christmas isn’t going to be particularly great.

Grace x

Continuation of what happens when curiosity gets the better of you Monday, Sep 10 2012 

So, my last post ( https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/i-guess-it-was-inevitable-that-i-would-open-this-can-of-worms/ ) was all about me finding a message from my boyfriend (Jeff, if you’ve been reading) to a girl (Chelsea, if you’ve been keeping up). Yes, yes this was in a group not the two of them or anything but after my previous reaction to it I just thought it was fucking ridiculous!

Anyway, I texted him saying that I was ridiculously angry at him and he should be at mine in the morning.

He replied with a fucking ‘? x.’ How, fucking caring of him

I then told him to fuck off and said that I had just got a text from someone saying that he had asked Chelsea to stay over (yes, yes, I know, I hacked his account and that’s how I found out but I just knew if I said that the argument would turn into him shouting at me about that so I improvised, apparently someone told me and ‘I promised I wouldn’t tell him who it was to avoid drama’…I think for someone who had just come back from the pub that is fucking impressive). 

He said that he had invited a group of people (not me, how fucking lovely…all our friends are mutual). Also, something I just realised: Chelsea said she wouldn’t stay over because she saw how upset I got (what a bitch), then again, what can I expect from someone who swore on her mum’s life she wouldn’t have sex with my ex boyfriend and I found out they did within a week of us breaking up (slut). 

Anyway there were a few more texts in which I explained that he knew he hurt me before so why would he do it again and he kept saying it was in a group so it was fine.

I got bored of this and told him to ring me. He did.

Now, this phone call was just a fucking mess, he was tired, he wasn’t taking me seriously, he thought I was over reacting. It just kept getting worse and worse and eventually he had the nerve to say that he was angry with ME. For fucks sake…what on earth did I do?

He always says that I start the arguments…yes, because I don’t ever give you reason to start them!

I ended up begging him to start walking towards mine. I know it’s pathetic but I begged and begged him to start walking. He said it wasn’t always his job to make me feel better (well, if you cause the hurt, yes it fucking is) and that he couldn’t be bothered because he was in bed (yes, and I was completely awake and not in bed at 2am, really?)

I begged for ages. I even gave a lovely speech with tears and little catchphrases I know he finds cute.

He said no.

It was a definitive no.

He said I could get a taxi to his or I could go there tomorrow (that would be today)

I said no, that wasn’t the point. I had this image of us walking towards each other, speeding up and finally running into an embrace. I’d cry and he’d hold me. We would make up.

This is the first night we have ever gone to bed angry at each other in two years. 

He said he would ring me tomorrow.

I said not to. 

It was meant to be a statement rather than something he would actually do. Goddamnit I am NOT ringing him though! 

I hate that he doesn’t care.

I’m not sure what’s going on with us.

I can’t wait to get drunk today.

Grace x