Christmas is over Wednesday, Dec 26 2012 

I enjoyed the first cigarette today when I got back home from my nans house. They know I smoke and they smoke yet I don’t feel comfortable smoking there.

Kind of like sex…people know it happens but it isn’t mentioned.

Christmas was okay but I just wanted to get home, it seems that a lot of Christmas sentiments are made up really, it doesn’t feel like what happens is real. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wants to be there all that much and everyone just wants to get back to their respective houses. I think my family have branched into their own families and that’s where they really want to be.

Christmas was a lot better when I was younger. Now it’s filled with unsaid tensions.

I’m glad it’s done now and I can look forward to New Years Eve. That feels more real. That’s done with friends and it’s clear that if you’re invited people want you there, you’re not going to get an invite to a New Year’s Eve party out of some sort of family loyalty.

I don’t know if the whole argument with my boyfriend has blown over.

It wasn’t too bad this year but I am so glad Christmas is over

Grace x

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It would be 1 month tomorrow… Friday, Nov 9 2012 

So, I guess I am a bit pathetic at blogging when I have something to do, I guess I have been rather overrun with university things, also, there has been crazy tension in the house I’m living in and my boyfriend and Judas seem to be getting closer by the day. I have decided to get straight back on the blogging horse though, and I’m going to get back to how things were, multiple blogs a day and days without when I can’t successfully hide what I’m doing from my boyfriend.

Anyway, I’m going to trot of and have a look at the messages I see flashing at the top of the screen and decide what my (re) debut story will be about

By the way, how do I still get views?! That’s just amazing!

Grace x

There’s jizz on my bed. I wasn’t in the room. Wednesday, Oct 3 2012 

I think the title pretty much speaks for itself…however, I shall continue to tell the full story of how this scarring experience occurred…

Last night me and a load of friends went out, one of them was a housemate of mine. Anyway, we went to a party at the university students union and got ridiculously drunk, like seriously, I didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Towards the end of the night me and my good friend, lets call him Sean, went back to mine as we wanted to continue raving somehow; this didn’t happen and we ended up getting pizza and trying to watch random shit on my computer.

My housemate soon arrived as I think she left before us but was in a different house. Anyway, she came into my room and we all watched stuff together. Then, for some reason that none of us can fathom we ended up in her room and were about to go to bed, now, this was a bit weird as it was the three of us in the bed. I fell asleep and woke up the next morning.

I was so fucking confused as she had re-arranged and tidied up her room so it was so different from the day before so when I woke up I was so completely disorientated and didn’t know where the fuck I was. However, I soon came to my senses and realized, now, I also realized that they were not in the bed, I didn’t think too much of it but did have a funny feeling. It was early and honestly I just wanted to get into my bed and go to sleep so I went upstairs to my room. Now, those of you who have read my blog about our bedroom doors (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/getting-locked-out-back-to-school-disco-and-being-a-lot-more-independant-than-i-origionally-anticipated/) will be aware that for some reason we have the kind of doors which lock automatically when they close. This was actually probably really lucky as I may have casually walked into my room if I didn’t have to knock to get in. When I knocked I heard voices and awkward giggling. That’s when I knew. They had done stuff in my room! I then had to do the awkward thing of waiting outside my room as they scrambled for their clothes.

Anyway, finally they opened the door and literally ran out with excuses and apologies, I just walked into my room saying this was far too awkward already and I was just going to go back to sleep. I heard my guy friend leave through the front door. I headed for my bed and was just about to get in when I saw it…the stains! There were very very clear wet patches on my bed! What the fuck!

I was in the process of being in shock when I got a knock on my bedroom door, Sean was back, he had forgotten his shoes and in the rush had simply run out of the house without them! Now, I wasn’t mad or anything but I jokingly began to shout at him about their being ‘fucking jizz’ on my bed! He said hurried apologies and ran out with one shoe on and one in his hand!

Now, I bet you’re thinking this can’t get much worse…it can.

So anyway, I’m still bloody tired and it is ridiculously early so I decide to get into bed after putting a cover over the guilty patches. I then began drifting to sleep. Now, I hate when there is something in my bed and I always move it because it fucking bugs me so when I felt something in the bed I proceeded to find whatever it was and remove it…it was my housemate’s underwear! Ugh! How awkward.

I threw the convicted underwear out of my bed and tried to get to sleep, however, peace alluded me and I ended up giving up and going downstairs. There, I find my housemate frantically running around looking for her stuff (leaving out of absolute and complete embarrassment), I flounce over to her and place the underwear I had brought down with me into her bag and go into the living room- here I find my other housemate, eyes wide and clearly dying to know what happened, I’m also absolutely killing to share my horrific story. Luckily the offending housemate leaves and we are free to gossip.

Soon after my other housemate comes down and is really confused why she heard a guy leaving my room in the early hours of the morning (I have a boyfriend of two years), so we get to tell her the story too!

Today I also remembered that the housemate who christened my bed also got with my other friend early on that night! She also thinks the affair in the bed meant a lot more than it did. My guy friend is buying me new sheets and is forever to give me drinks in clubs.

Now, the key elements of this story I believe are

A) I didn’t fucking get to christen my own bed with my own boyfriend

B) We tried to flip the mattress and found there were period stains on the other side (me and my housemate discussed which we thought was worse for me to sleep on, I’m still rather undecided, what do you guys think?)

C) The girl literally had to do nothing! I got the guy to the house.

D) She got laid and I got a pizza from him- I’m like the fucking fat ugly friend in this scenario

E) Why didn’t she simply wake me up and tell me to leave her room? She could have even said I was snoring or something, hence, it wouldn’t seem too weird.

Regardless, I do feel rather scarred by this experience and hope it befalls no one else. Also, I would really like to convey the message that I would have liked to christen my bed and if you have a bedroom in the same house as the one you are at it is ridiculously odd to have sex in another persons bedroom.

Traumatized I now need to sleep in this bed. On the bright side, I do love how things like this happen and are just damn hilarious!

Grace x

Getting locked out, back to school disco and being a lot more independant than I origionally anticipated Monday, Oct 1 2012 

1st by title and also my first issue today was that I got locked out of my bedroom…not my house, my bedroom! Basically, the doors we have for our bedrooms lock automatically if they are closed (like the typical front door), hence, when I tried to pop to the bathroom and the wind smashed my door shut I was left in the corridor (strangely our front door does not lock automatically and it needs to be locked on both leaving and entering the house). Anyway, this really annoyed me as I had a long list of things to do today. Also, I like to have some time by myself and I am not a fan of constantly being downstairs with housemates. I mean, of course they are lovely people but a person needs their space you know. Anyway, I called the landlord and he said he would be over within the hour, he then rang back to say he would be there in seven whole hours! Finally, that time has arrived, well, he was late, but luckily I have finally got into my room and am so damn happy!

I also can’t wait to go out tonight, I love the ‘back to school’ disco theme where everyone dresses up in school uniform! Also, I am quite intrigued to see what it’s going to be like, I mean, it’s a freshers event where everyone is essentially desperately trying to make friends, being a happy second year is going to be quite nice…this does in no way mean I am not going to get absolutely off the handle drunk!

Lastly, I feel very content and happy with myself. I thought I’d be a wreck being away from my boyfriend after living with him all summer- however, I am thoroughly enjoying the company of others, my own space and life in general! This makes me feel really good about myself as it is always nice to know that although you love someone you are able to function without them. I think it’s also quite healthy that we have this week apart with our friends and getting back into the swing of things…this does in no way mean I am not crazy excited about seeing him on the weekend!

Grace x

Did I pick the wrong house? Monday, Oct 1 2012 

Last night I walked into pre-drinks and everyone literally jumped up and pushed people out of the way to hug me. It was the best thing ever and it was absolutely amazing that so many people wanted to spend time with me!

Meanwhile, two of my flatmates had decided, last minute, that they weren’t going out and didn’t even bother to tell me. The one who did come left early.

I’d be allowed to smoke in the other house and the people there seem to appreciate me way more- why did I choose to live with these other people who hang about doing nothing all day and don’t seem all that bothered about me?

Anyway, they want to go to a club tomorrow but the other people are going to a different one, I’m going to go to the different one as I just think it will be heaps more fun and I won’t be having to leave when I feel my night hasn’t even begun yet!

I miss my halls from last year, they were a fucking ball! I don’t know, maybe it’s just the first few days and I’m just settling in. At least the other people only live about two minutes away so I guess I can go there anytime. It just sucks to not be comfortable in your own house.

On a brighter note, tomorrow is going to be AMAZING, and I get to go out with one of my guy best-friends who I didn’t get to see all summer and who is absolutely fantastic. Also, I’m really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend on Friday which I’m sure will be great, I do miss having him around all the time but it’s also lovely to be in a house which is mine.

Tomorrow I’m going to go do some food shopping and get myself more together.

Also, I have a gecko and well, he was car sick on the way here! How weird is that! I thought he was dying and his insides were coming out and nearly lobbed him out of the window! Luckily I realized it was vomited up worms. How odd though, I didn’t know geckos could throw up, I know that may sound really stupid but you don’t exactly expect that!

I am so excited for tomorrow! Also, I feel like I’m actually doing something with my life as I am going to sort out my university lectures and get some folders together. I am really excited for tomorrow!

Grace x

From my university room! It was a nice post…then it changed course Saturday, Sep 29 2012 

I haven’t been posting lately as I have been saying bye to my boyfriend and getting ready to move into my new house. Well, actually I’ve just been saying bye to my boyfriend and only finished packing seconds before we left- well, even that isn’t true as I have forgotten so much stuff which luckily my dad is taking over to my boyfriend’s dad’s house now as he goes to university ridiculously close to me so can pass it on in a week max. I need to get ready for my first night out here so I’m going to quickly summarize what has been going on:

  • My boyfriend pissed me off so much this morning as I was trying to say bye (yes, I know it’s only for a few days but we will no longer be living together) and he was too damn preoccupied with the fucking football and tried to have a go at me because I wasn’t letting him watch it! I just wanted a nice goodbye.
  • Judas, my ‘friend’ who I believe fancies my boyfriend is going to the same university; staying in the same accommodation; hanging out with the people in his block; is texting how she can’t wait for him to come up; is telling me not to visit often as it will distract him; is saying she will pay for all his entries into clubs and keeps being very rude to me and bloody snuggling into his bumhole! My boyfriend is too fucking obtuse to realize anything (or maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t think so).
  • I love my little room, except I can’t afford to buy cutlery…

Fuck this, we just had a fucking ‘house meeting’ and guess what, I am fucking pissed OFF, apparently I can’t smoke in the house… are they fucking kidding me?! I am not, repeat NOT going to bloody well go outside everytime I have a fag, wtf is this absolute crap! I am no fucking angry! I fucking pay a ridiculous amount to live here and I’m sorry but the first thing you do is say, oh it smelled when you smoke, I would then put a towel under my door and make more of an effort with my window. This is just a fucking joke! I am so fucking angry, also, an entire year without smoking inside, are you KIDDING me?! Fuck this. I will, in fact, smoke inside. The idea of not smoking inside for a year is fucking terrifying. I hate this house.

Grace x

Something someone told me… Wednesday, Sep 26 2012 

Yesterday I wrote a post (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/why-is-that-why-is-it-that-youre-fine-by-yourself-but-after-a-relationship-yourself-just-isnt-enough-anymore/) which was basically about how before a monumental relationship you are completely able to stand on your own two feet and are completely happy in yourself but afterwards find that you aren’t the person you were before and find that you need the person you had around more than you could have imagined. It was about how you find yourself needing them and are no longer the independent person you were prior to the relationship. When I posted this one of the comments I got really resonated with me and I asked if I could share it in one of my blogs:

“Ever break a leg? After you walk around on crutches for several weeks, the day you get the cast off and leave the crutches in the doctor’s office is the first day that you find yourself reaching for your crutches before you try to get up out of your seat. It will be several days before you stop thinking about how to not get sweaty because you don’t want the bother of another shower today. It will be many days before you feel whole again.

Getting rid of your crutches does not mean your brain instantly stops counting on them.”

I thought this was an absolutely amazing comment and a brilliant metaphor which I think could apply to so many things, break ups; the end of friendships; career stumbles and more. I think it also sends the wonderful message that yes, in life you do get used to things and after they’re gone you miss them and the fact that you relied on them so much means that you don’t feel like you did after it happened- yet it also shows how you will be able to move on and how you will once again become the person who doesn’t need to reach for the thing that you felt once held you up, you will once again walk without the crutches.

This just showed to me how wonderful this site is and how amazing the people on it are and how they can comment on your thoughts and make you look at things differently and with, often, a more positive outlook. For this particular comment I would like to say thank you to ‘my atheist mind’ (http://myatheistlife.wordpress.com/) who wrote this lovely comment on my post.

Grace x

Being jealous and wanting people to be jealous of you Wednesday, Sep 26 2012 

A few days ago I wrote a post entitled ‘You have something amazing, now you need others to know you have something amazing and be jealous of it!’ ( http://wp.me/p2FNrO-jt ). This post was basically how, on occasion, as awful as this probably sounds, I flaunt things in front of those who don’t have something. My most common one being my relationship with my boyfriend in front of his ex who also used to be one of my best friends.

Anyway, one of the comments I received on this post was from ‘myathiestlife’ (http://myatheistlife.wordpress.com/) who basically asked what I thought this insecurity meant and if all I was feeling was actually due to insecurity. Now, I thought that would be a great topic to write about as I was not myself aware as to why I felt the need to make certain people jealous. To begin this topic I decided to do a bit of research and found that there was actually very little about why someone would want someone else to be jealous- I guess this is understandable as the keywords took me to sites regarding how not to be a jealous person and even a few on how to make people jealous of you (these were pretty messed up sites, basically listing reasons about how to make others feel bad and how to be ‘it’, it all seemed rather pathetic to be honest). Anyway, I did find one discussion board where a woman mentioned that she felt very jealous of her husband’s friends and after feeling this way felt the need to make his friends jealous.

This really resonated with me because, when I look back, before they got together I never felt the need to advertise how much time we spent together. I think I liked him a lot more than I thought and felt the need to hold onto the fact that I was still closer to him than her. When we got together I guess I felt the need to prove that our relationship was better and would last and I know it’s probably stupid that I still feel this way after two years with him when they’d been together for about a month, but I just feel like I need to over-compensate for the fact that essentially I wasn’t the first choice and in reality that can never be different.

I also read a very interesting post (http://positivejuice.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/the-real-reasons-why-people-get-jealous-and-why-jealousy-is-so-powerful/) which concerns envy and jealousy and how envy is healthy in that it can motivate you to have something someone does not whilst jealousy is unhealthy as it is the feeling that if you can’t have something no one can. One of the points it makes is that jealousy in romantic relationships is powerful in that say, if your best friend were to have another friend you are far less likely to care that if your partner was close to someone. The post relates this with jealousy essentially deriving from the fear that you will lose what you have. Relating this back to the post of me wanting to make his ex girlfriend jealous I believe that it may be that I want her to be fully aware of the loss and know that it is a permanent loss, I also feel that by flaunting the relationship I eliminate some fear in myself that I may experience the loss of my boyfriend.

I do not think that my desire to make someone jealous is healthy in any way but it seems like the fact that she was there before me and the fact that she was so close to both of us bothers me more than any other ex girlfriend of his. I just think I am insecure in that he didn’t pursue me first.

Grace x

 

Relationships: Are we being promoted of demoted? Wednesday, Sep 26 2012 

When you’re promoted to can expect the firm to spend more money on you, you can expect to be treated with greater respect and you expect to feel like you have risen in your job. The opposite goes to being demoted and this can leave you with truly undesirable feelings. Now, the same can also apply to relationships- for example when you both agree to be exclusive, have your first anniversary, move in together ect- in these scenarios you would imagine yourself to be progressing within the relationship, so hence, better presents (Okay, I think it sounds a little golddigger-ish but I’m simply pointing out the similarities between a work promotion and the length someone is in relationship for), greater respect and compromise and you feel like the relationship is evolving and isn’t stagnant.

Now, we are all aware of the changes that can happen with longevity, people become comfortable, not as much effort is thought to be needed and sometimes it can actually feel like you’re being demoted. Some say this happens after a few years of marriage and some say it’s when you move in with someone: I have a different scenario completely and discovered just how much I had been demoted yesterday…

Readers of this blog will know that my boyfriend of two years was my best friend for about 3 years before we began dating, now, during this time he was attentive, kind and considerate- it was fantastic being his friend and I noticed how he was actually an amazing friend to a lot of people. He’s a very friend orientated guy. Now, when we began dating I thought that we’d still be friends and there would be that underlying friendship in our relationship. I guess there is but yesterday I realized just how far after everyone else I come- I came after someone who he had gone to first school with (and never spoke to). I just wish that he would treat me with the same kindness and respect that he does his friends, after all- am I not also his friend? And if not, then I guess I have been demoted. Would he do this to every girl or is it just more acceptable as I’m his friend? But then, if he does it because I was his friend then how come everyone else seems to come first? I don’t understand why being a girlfriend means you get demoted in the way that you are treated and not promoted. I am troubled (I’ve been watching way too much Ally McBeal, that’s a John Cage reference by the way).

I think that you should constantly feel promoted in a relationship, however, I guess that’s just not possible so I think the most important thing to do is just make sure your partner is being promoted on the emotional level all the time because, realistically, the other stuff really doesn’t matter.

Grace x

SERIOUSLY?!?! Monday, Sep 24 2012 

Now, for the people who read my blog, you will know I am not slutty when it comes to capitals, I use them sparingly and the whole ‘?!?!’ has not even been used yet. However, now is the time!

So, I’m all casually sitting on Facebook; reading some blogs; playing some Tetris etc. etc. and begin talking to a friend of mine from university. We’re chatting about the normal stuff and I ask who’s back and he says that actually he saw one of my friends yesterday. He said that she was happy and everything with her was good but did mention that her room was absolutely tiny in her new house.

“She said I’d love her new room haha! Has she got a single bed?” Is my response.

“Yeah,” he says. “The only reason she got that room was because the other girls had boyfriends.”

WHAT!?!

That is one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard in my life! Why should rooms be decided upon because someone has a boyfriend. I mean, obviously I understand the practicalities of it (sleeping, clothes etc.) but this cannot mean that rooms are decided like this! Why should someone be punished for the fact that their housemates have boyfriends?

Also, none of the girls in the house have steady relationships: one cheated on her boyfriend and they are very on and off and the other slept with everyone last year and got a boyfriend like a month ago- surely you cannot decide a year long living arrangement on these facts! These girls lived in halls last year and all had single beds, they survived that didn’t they?!

I am absolutely astonished that this was the way to pick rooms, what happened to picking out of a hat?

Why should a single person not get the chance to have a double bed because they are single, they may even have more people in it if their into that sorta thing! And if not, they should still be allowed a double bed, I mean, your boyfriend isn’t even always going to be there so essentially you’re getting a double bed because of a Facebook status.

I’m not sure why I’m so angry, this in no was effects me but I am.

I am SO angry!

Grace x

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