There’s jizz on my bed. I wasn’t in the room. Wednesday, Oct 3 2012 

I think the title pretty much speaks for itself…however, I shall continue to tell the full story of how this scarring experience occurred…

Last night me and a load of friends went out, one of them was a housemate of mine. Anyway, we went to a party at the university students union and got ridiculously drunk, like seriously, I didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Towards the end of the night me and my good friend, lets call him Sean, went back to mine as we wanted to continue raving somehow; this didn’t happen and we ended up getting pizza and trying to watch random shit on my computer.

My housemate soon arrived as I think she left before us but was in a different house. Anyway, she came into my room and we all watched stuff together. Then, for some reason that none of us can fathom we ended up in her room and were about to go to bed, now, this was a bit weird as it was the three of us in the bed. I fell asleep and woke up the next morning.

I was so fucking confused as she had re-arranged and tidied up her room so it was so different from the day before so when I woke up I was so completely disorientated and didn’t know where the fuck I was. However, I soon came to my senses and realized, now, I also realized that they were not in the bed, I didn’t think too much of it but did have a funny feeling. It was early and honestly I just wanted to get into my bed and go to sleep so I went upstairs to my room. Now, those of you who have read my blog about our bedroom doors ( will be aware that for some reason we have the kind of doors which lock automatically when they close. This was actually probably really lucky as I may have casually walked into my room if I didn’t have to knock to get in. When I knocked I heard voices and awkward giggling. That’s when I knew. They had done stuff in my room! I then had to do the awkward thing of waiting outside my room as they scrambled for their clothes.

Anyway, finally they opened the door and literally ran out with excuses and apologies, I just walked into my room saying this was far too awkward already and I was just going to go back to sleep. I heard my guy friend leave through the front door. I headed for my bed and was just about to get in when I saw it…the stains! There were very very clear wet patches on my bed! What the fuck!

I was in the process of being in shock when I got a knock on my bedroom door, Sean was back, he had forgotten his shoes and in the rush had simply run out of the house without them! Now, I wasn’t mad or anything but I jokingly began to shout at him about their being ‘fucking jizz’ on my bed! He said hurried apologies and ran out with one shoe on and one in his hand!

Now, I bet you’re thinking this can’t get much worse…it can.

So anyway, I’m still bloody tired and it is ridiculously early so I decide to get into bed after putting a cover over the guilty patches. I then began drifting to sleep. Now, I hate when there is something in my bed and I always move it because it fucking bugs me so when I felt something in the bed I proceeded to find whatever it was and remove it…it was my housemate’s underwear! Ugh! How awkward.

I threw the convicted underwear out of my bed and tried to get to sleep, however, peace alluded me and I ended up giving up and going downstairs. There, I find my housemate frantically running around looking for her stuff (leaving out of absolute and complete embarrassment), I flounce over to her and place the underwear I had brought down with me into her bag and go into the living room- here I find my other housemate, eyes wide and clearly dying to know what happened, I’m also absolutely killing to share my horrific story. Luckily the offending housemate leaves and we are free to gossip.

Soon after my other housemate comes down and is really confused why she heard a guy leaving my room in the early hours of the morning (I have a boyfriend of two years), so we get to tell her the story too!

Today I also remembered that the housemate who christened my bed also got with my other friend early on that night! She also thinks the affair in the bed meant a lot more than it did. My guy friend is buying me new sheets and is forever to give me drinks in clubs.

Now, the key elements of this story I believe are

A) I didn’t fucking get to christen my own bed with my own boyfriend

B) We tried to flip the mattress and found there were period stains on the other side (me and my housemate discussed which we thought was worse for me to sleep on, I’m still rather undecided, what do you guys think?)

C) The girl literally had to do nothing! I got the guy to the house.

D) She got laid and I got a pizza from him- I’m like the fucking fat ugly friend in this scenario

E) Why didn’t she simply wake me up and tell me to leave her room? She could have even said I was snoring or something, hence, it wouldn’t seem too weird.

Regardless, I do feel rather scarred by this experience and hope it befalls no one else. Also, I would really like to convey the message that I would have liked to christen my bed and if you have a bedroom in the same house as the one you are at it is ridiculously odd to have sex in another persons bedroom.

Traumatized I now need to sleep in this bed. On the bright side, I do love how things like this happen and are just damn hilarious!

Grace x

10 day challenge! Friday, Sep 7 2012 


Now, I found this on Google images as I quite enjoyed the 30 day challenge I did in about two days!

As per tradition I shall do this one in just one post! Here it goes!

Ten Secrets:

1) I liked my boyfriend whilst he was going out with my best friend, awful I know

2) I still haven’t told a lot of my close friends about a hugely close death in my family, I don’t  really like to share stuff like that

3) I cheated on my ex boyfriend of over five years (on and off) several times, again, awful I know!

4) I am hugely jealous of pretty much every girl my boyfriend talks to- pathetic, I know.

5) When I plucked my first nipple hair I felt like a Chewbacca and nearly cried.

6) I always want to have a massive accident, like death threatening just to see how people would react. Awful? Insecure? Stupid?

7) Sometimes I don’t do clothes washing or have a shower for absolutely ages- disgusting.

8) I’ve slightly thrown up on my boyfriend’s dick. Yes, I know horrific. He still doesn’t know, it was a tiny bit, I wiped it away, sent him to get me juice and febrezed the shit out of the room. In my defence I was really hungover and he pushed my head down too much.

9) I know this is horrific but I don’t think I could deal with having a disabled child. I know that is completely dreadful but I just don’t know how I would cope!

10) I get really anxious about really silly things such as my boyfriend seeming to be a bit off or a friend not responding to a text for a while, I get easily worried I did something wrong.

Nine Loves:

1) My family

2) My boyfriend

3) My cat

4) My gecko

5) University

6) Sex

7) Cuddling

8) Those websites that let you watch practically anything online

9) (I know I’m cheating a bit here but…) Friends, smoking, going out, drinking

Eight Fears:

1) Spiders

2) Getting broken up with

3) Doing something ridiculously embarrassing like peeing myself in public

4) Being shouted at and general confrontations (I hate it, it scares me and I’m highly likely to cry)

5) Cancer

6) Not being able to have children or for them to have any kind of disabilities

7) Never getting married to someone I am crazy about or them cheating on me

8) Rape

Seven Wants:

1) To get married and have a happy family

2) To have a job I extreamly enjoy

3) To stay with my boyfriend as long as I want to and as long as I love him and he still treats me the way he does

4) My boyfriend to have less female friends

5) For my family to be healthy

6) For my little brother to have everything he wants in life

7) For my dad to meet someone he loves again

Six Places:

1) London: I live here now

2) Russia: I was born here, my grandparents live here, it is still one of my favourite places!

3) Leicester: I go to university here and I adore it!

4) Furteventura (Canary Islands): The first place me and my boyfriend went to on holiday, just the two of us.

5) Ireland: Where every boyfriend and guy I’d got with before my current boyfriend had some kind of roots. This is also the place my boyfriend said we were going instead of the Canary Islands right up until we were at the airport!

6) America: Where I desperately want to go ASAP.

Five Foods:

1) Taco’s: Me and my boyfriend eat these constantly, he cooks them bloody amazing!

2) Noodles: The only thing I can make nearly as good as my boyfriend, and the only thing I can afford to eat when I’m done living like a rock-star for the best part of the month!

3) Spaghetti-Bolognese: We used to have a night for this when I was younger and I just love it! I don’t really like the chunks though, I like it meaty, with juice, and heaps of pasta.

4) Chicken Wrap: You can get these amazing ones with salad and some amazing sauce at a kebab shop near me; it’s cheap and tastes fucking amazing, I get it pretty much at every opportunity!

5) Chicken Bhuna: My favourite Indian dish.

Four Books:

1) ‘Orix and Crake’ by Margaret Atwood: Easily one of my favourite books!

2) ‘Pride and Prejustice’ by Jane Austen: One of my favourite Austen books and the one which got me into classics

3) ‘The Dutchess’ by Amanda Foreman: Brilliant book about how women were crucial to political campaigns even in the 17th century, a story with factual evidence about Georgiana, the Dutchess of Devonshire.

4) ‘Winnie the Pooh’ by A.A. Mills: Come on, a childhood classic like this had to be mentioned, such a beautiful book.

Three Films

1) The Butterfly Effect

2) The Notebook

3) Hannibal

Two Songs:

1) ‘Wherever You Will Go’ by The Calling

2) ‘Fireflies’ by Owl City

One Picture (of yourself)

I really don’t think so! At least not yet…

But here’s a funny one I chuckled over for ages:


Grace x

True love is friendship set on fire Friday, Aug 31 2012 

Right guys, I have successfully pulled an all-nighter and can now accompany my boyfriend to the hospital on time! I’m pretty impressed with myself as I was knackered by the time I rolled out of bed this morning, plus I had wine at the pub in the evening! All in all I am proud of myself!

He’s getting his stitches out today, I’m really hoping everything goes well. Neither of us knows what exactly goes on his wounded area after the stitches come out so today shall have a somewhat learning-curve element in it. Now I just have to summon enough will power to get out of bed and off WordPress!

I know the title is a bit mushy but I thought it was appropriate since I’m rather excited to spend the morning with my best friend turner boyfriend (while still being my best friend). I hope we’re not late this time, last time we were in too much of a rush to get any food on the way to the hospital and damn there were some yummy looking places on the way!

I have my blackberry all sorted now, and yes, I do have the WordPress app (it’s actually pretty good). If I have time I’ll sneakily (he doesn’t know about the blog) post anything funny I see on the London Underground- there is ALWAYS something funny on the London Underground.

Grace x

Back from the pub Thursday, Aug 30 2012 

I am currently back home from the pub, I’m feeling rather tipsy but I know I can’t go to sleep because I need to be up at 7am to go to the hospital with my boyfriend.

Those of you who have read my posts before will know that me and Chelsea don’t always get along. However, today we had a pretty good evening, just the two of us. General gossip and funny stories were exchanged and it was a good night. I’m rather shocked.

I guess I’ll be reading blogs/ blogging quite a lot today.

Hope I stay awake

Grace x

Well, that seemed like a good idea at the time… Tuesday, Aug 21 2012 

I have a fun fact for you guys, I have a tattoo.

This tattoo is someone’s name.

This tattoo is my boyfriend’s name.

Now, before I get labled with the twelve year olds who proclaim their everlasting love for their boyfriend of two days I think I deserve a chance to explain how this story came to be.

Last summer me and a large group of friends, including my boyfriend, went on holiday to Tenerife. As you can imagine this was a largely alcohol fuelled trip before we all went off to university in the autumn. Now, the funny thing is that this story involves quite a bit of irony involving some antics with henna. One night me and one of my friends were walking around when we saw a lady doing henna, my friend suggested that I got my boyfriend’s name hennaed somewhere as it would be rather sweet:

“No way! That would be really weird and clingy and henna lasts like three weeks!”

So, as a joke I ended up getting her name hennaed onto my crotch, yes, literally my crotch!

Then, a few nights later me and my boyfriend where walking around by ourselves after a night on the strip, we were rather drunk and somehow the idea of getting each others names tattooed came up; in our drunken state we decided to walk around looking for a place to get them done, however, it was late and everything was closed so we ended up going back to the hotel and having sex on his balcony.

The next morning we woke up, still a bit tipsy but luckily not hungover.

“Haha, last night you were all up for getting my name tattooed on you, bloody clingy bastard!” I said as an innocent joke.

“I wasn’t joking, I bet you won’t do it though!” Came his cheeky reply.

On this note a game of ‘chicken’ began. Now, for those who are not familiar with this term, a game of chicken is basically one to see who will go the furthest and can be applied to a variety of things, for example, lying down in the middle of a road. We began joking about it and both arguing that we would in fact do it if the other did so too.

Now, in some kind of social error there was a tattoo parlour located right under our hotel, the social error being that this was clearly a hotel for teens on holiday. As the jokes progressed we began moving towards this parlour, many of our friends in tow, none thinking it would actually be done. My boyfriend then popped into the parlour, gave the man our names and haggled him for a lower price, eventually he came out to the nervous wreck of me waiting outside.

“They can do ours now if you like, who do you want to go first”

I was shocked. So very very shocked. I mean, first of all my boyfriend isn’t exactly the type to show emotions or be very up front about his feelings, hell, we hadn’t even said ‘I love you yet’, except for a bodged attempt a few days ago when he said

“I’m not sure if I like you or love you.”

This being said in a lift where I proceeded to pretend to hit my head to distract him as I had no idea how to react to something like that!

So anyway, I said he could go first, still not believing this was actually going to happen. Nevertheless, it did. He got my name in big black along the outside of his left foot, and, soon enough it was my turn to get his on the inside of my right. The pain was incredible; one of the worst parts being when I thought I had gone through enough pain and it must be done and looking down and seeing the first letter not even being completed yet.

I think I acted like one of those crazy ladies giving birth on TV, all screaming and demanding that my boyfriend look at me and let me vice grip his hand! The video my friend did of it truly looked like a birth, my legs all hitched up, me sweating and screaming and my boyfriend looking confused (he thought his didn’t hurt very much at all).

After it was all done we thought it was still hilarious, watching the video over and over again and stocking up on creams from the local pharmacy. In all honesty, it is still rather funny, probably since were still together, but still, very funny and quite an awesome memory. I do not regret it, even though getting a boyfriend’s name on your foot after six months is a bit of a ‘what the fuck’ moment.

Now, remember the henna, the henna I refused to get his name written on me with because it lasts three weeks? Yeah, that’s the irony I mentioned earlier.

Grace x