I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday Thursday, Mar 7 2013 

I don’t feel like he really wants me around I mean, sure, he’ll say I’m welcome, he won’t say no to me coming but he won’t explicitly ask me to come. It’s getting to the point where it’s a bit ridiculous now. He seems perfectly content not to see me for two weeks and, since it will be the Easter break then, it will only really be with other people except for night time.

I just want him to be the one ringing me and asking me to come over, the one who sits wondering what he’s doing. I can’t even really talk to him as it always turns into an argument and he just doesn’t understand at all- he’s felt needed and wanted everyday for over two years. I’m not sure what percentage of that can be said for me; but it’s not high.

I want to go see him today, and I know I can, but now we’re in a bad mood with each other and the pub is looking like a much more fun option.

The reception cut out while we were arguing on the phone and he still hasn’t rang back- who am I kidding, I’m clearly going to be the one that rings him, my resolve is pathetic.

I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday.

Grace

x

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‘Facials’ – And not the £40 spa kind Monday, Dec 24 2012 

sperm

In this month’s Cosmopolitan there was an article about what men like to do in bed that women have mixed feelings about. Amongst the obvious threesomes and anal exploration one aspect of this article focused on ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Now, this caught my eye as a few months ago my boyfriend asked me to do it when he was drunk and it has since happened a few more times (including last night after our argument- well, that’s one way to shorten his annoyance with me).

Within the article the discussion focused around whether or not this act was degrading to women. When I looked further into the topic the aspect of degradation continued to appear with great prevalence.

Now, the question which popped into my mind was- if this is degrading surely other sexual acts can also be deemed as degrading to women? Some examples which came to mind are doggy, jizzing on boobs and spanking. I also tried to think of what acts could be seen as sexually degrading to mean and couldn’t think any to name. Turning to the trusted Google search I was also fruitless in any sexual acts which were stated as sexually degrading to men.

It appears only women can be degraded and only acts men can do are sexually degrading. Blow jobs were often high on degradation lists, however licking a woman out appears to be seen as a sign of a guy who cares about you and your pleasure. It seems only women can be degraded and there isn’t really anything which can typically degrade a men.

Personally I do not think any of these acts are degrading. I think the concept that many women would do acts they find degrading to men is degrading. Women have a choice and they do not typically need to do anything they do not want to do. I have done all the acts discussed and never felt degraded.

I think degradation comes from much deeper roots than the act you are preforming- for example, from being forced to do something you are not comfortable with.

I think you should do whatever you and your partner are happy with. Stop thinking about whether you are being degraded and instead consider whether you yourself are against these acts- that’s what truly matters.
Of course this is only my personal opinion- what do you readers think?

Grace x

How do you make me feel this way? Monday, Sep 17 2012 

I was just in the bath and my boyfriend managed to absolutely infuriate me- he rang to say he had not found my charger and I said:

“Cool, but you’re having a ten minute chat with me now.”

“No, I’m not.” Came his responce

“Urmm…alright. Why?”

“I’m watching TV.”

Seriously?! Guys…take note: this is not acceptable behavior… especially as I know for a fact he has a pause button and is at his dad’s alone (therefore, he can pause the programme without bothering anyone). Also, even if this wasn’t the case- seriously? You can’t speak to me for ten minutes because you are watching TV?

“Cool, bye” is the answer to that question, it is also what I said to him on the phone.

Now, I didn’t want to get into an argument over this so I left it. Not exactly a massive deal is it?

A few hours later he rings me to say he has in fact located my phone charger (hooray! I was dying) and said he wanted to blow off staying at his dad’s so we could spend the night at ours together (basically he’s seeing his family a lot because he’s heading off to university soon and I’m pretty much doing the same so we don’t get to spend every night at ours). Now, this was really lovely and he even offered to pick me up (by foot, neither of us drive) from my dads. How sweet and I would love to spend the night with him! So, hence, I was happy.

Now, this all happened within a few hours. Amazing how the small gestures of my boyfriend can be so different and be replied to with such different emotions!

Charlotte York springs to mind here (Sex and the City) and what she said about happiness: “Well, not all day everyday but yes, everyday.” That’s how I feel.

Well, I’m also in a spectacular mood because I have cleaned up, done my nails and shaved all that needed shaving during a glorious bath!

Grace x

Rejuvenation! Monday, Aug 27 2012 

I like to move my room around, but I can’t- it’s too damn messy!

Now, it’s too late for me to buy hair dye; I can’t be bothered to clean; I don’t have the energy to shower and I’m too young for botox. So, how do I change things with the littlest effort?

I always feel that changing things up helps me. I usually love moving things in my room around but I don’t have the energy to do that after tonight’s events. So…the modern internet rejuvenation? Change the layout of your blog!

Mine looks all new and sparkly now. I have also decided to stay up so late that I basically pass out. I also want to stay up so late that when I wake up my boyfriend is basically here. How very tactical of me!

Grace x

Lack of motivation Sunday, Aug 26 2012 

I have so many things to do but I just can’t seem to get around to achieving them.

I need to sort out a lot of things at the bank and with student finance.

I need to see my friend who I haven’t seen all summer.

I need to sort out my room and my house.

I need to clean out my gecko cage.

I need to make a new bank account.

I need to look for jobs the next student year.

I need to do a lot more things.

I feel like I have no energy to do anything and I know that I will feel so much better when I have done all these things but I just seem to not be able to get the initial motivation. Even right now, I need to go food shopping but I just can’t seem to get up. I have no idea why I can’t be motivated to do anything, nothing’s even wrong, but I just feel drained.

I have also realised that although my boyfriend it kind, loving and supportive I seem to have drifted from a lot of friends because I want to spend all my time with him; I seem to have become lazy and incapable of doing things without him; I have grown jealous; I have become needy. I feel like it is definitely time for me to return to university, I mean, I respond well to goals with a time frame such as assignments. During summer I just seem to be exhausted, immobile and, to an extent, somewhere deep down, in content and saddened.

Maybe today is just a bad day, I am generally a very happy person.

I want to sort out a lot of things tomorrow, maybe putting it on this blog will help me.

First, I will have a good sleep. I will then wake and sort out my student finance. I will then smoke, blog and relax. I will then call my bank and try to sort things out. I will then begin sorting out my house. I want to feel happy and content, in a lovely environment tomorrow. I hope I do these things.

Music always helps.

Grace x

30 day meme: My last post nearly made me loose my mind Wednesday, Aug 22 2012 

24. Your favourite movie and what it’s about.
I think this one is actually very difficult because I’ve watched movies from a very early age and me and my boyfriend absolutely love watching movies now so it is going to be hard to decide. I’m putting more than one, I simply cannot choose
-Limitless: Amazing
-Saw (all of them): Horror movies with a message, especially good when they relate to current events (for example, the latest saw where insurance company workers and bankers and targeted)
The Lorax: Saw it with my little brother, a children’s movie in which I cried an amazon rainfall about the values of the environment
– Lion King: Wow, although, when I was little my nan convinced me Mufasa wasn’t dead but was just ‘a bit hurt and resting’
– The Notebook: I know every word of that movie
– Never Let Me Go: Beautiful film involving growing children for their organs
OKAY! I need to stop!
25. Someone who fascinates you and why.
My boyfriend (cringy I know): He is so kind, funny, frustrating and so many other things. I will never forget how amazing he was as a friend when I was having so many troubles with my ex. An example: One night I was chilling at his and me and my boyfriend got into a texting argument, I started crying and he let me cry on me, comforted me, then, when I said I had to go see him said he would walk behind me and keep an eye on me from the distance to make sure I was okay. He’s also beat him up which was just wow. He is amazing and puts up with me now and makes me happy everyday, literally, everyday.
26. What kind of men attracts you?
The thing is, I don’t really know. I mean, I’m usually in a long-term relationship, therefore haven’t really had the experience of being attracted towards many different men. I would say I don’t really have a specific type. My ex was clingy, jealous, very up front with emotions, bit of weight around the tummy. My boyfriend now, I mean, I didn’t think he was even capable of showing up front emotion for a while, he’s athletic and trusting. My main thing about guys is they need to be sweet once we are serious.
27. What problem did you have?
I do not fully understand this question. When? In terms of what? Well I would say I’m not troubled by anything at the moment really, except for my boyfriend’s arm injury. I think the problems I’ve had recently are silly and quite rare spats with my boyfriend about silly things like the dishes. His arm injury was a major problem when it happened but after his operation I feel so much better. I guess, not getting into the uni’s I choose last year was rough, but I still got into an amazing one through clearing. I’m not really sure. I guess I am quite a freakishly happy person though

Some more meme! Tuesday, Aug 21 2012 

8. Moment when you were most satisfied with your life.
I think this is quite a difficult one as I’m quite a lazy person so there is always something more I could do. On the other hand, I am quite a satisfied person in general so would say I’m pretty much always satisfied with my life 
9. What do you hope your future will be?
I hope my future will be one with a happy family and a job which I enjoy doing. My greatest hope is that there will always be people to welcome me home or run to donate their kidneys for me. My hope for the future is that it’s as interesting and happy and the life I lead now; though obviously different in areas such as marriage, children and career.
10. Describe your first love and your first kiss.
My first love: Now this was a great big mess, a guy who, it turned out, didn’t really care about me and was just a wizard with words. It was young love as we met when I was only fourteen, our on and off relationship continued until my current boyfriend, my then best friend, told me he liked me. My first love was mainly dominated by jealousy on both sides and very little trust. It taught me so much and it could be amazing at times but the bad times were horrendous. My first kiss: This was a dare set in a park after school, I kissed one of my good friends and I think I was about twelve at the time, we then proceeded to have a two/three day relationship which was part of the dare also. Good fun, the simple days of being young!
11. Turn on your music player, turn on shuffle and write the first ten songs it’ll play.
Now, I would like to note that the computer I have I have only had for a short while so there are not many songs at all, the ipad with my massive collection is with my boyfriend at the hospital, but anyway, here it goes: 1) Jessie J: Laserlight 2) Example: Midnight Run 3) Nelly: Over and Over 4) David Guetta: Turn Me On 4) Taylor Swift: Mine 5) Maroon 5: Moves Like Jagger 6) Seal: Kissed By a Rose 7) Charlene Soraia: Wherever You May Go (it sounds like she has a lisp when she sings ‘wherever’) 8) RJ Helton: Missing Me 9) Baz Luhmann: Everybody’s Free (please please listen to this, it is so amazing) 10) Usher: Climax
I made this kind of a game for me and pressed next on my keyboard and tried to guess them, did pretty well
12. Describe your whole day in short notes.
Wake up at 6am as boyfriend’s going to the hospital
Pat about after him before he has to leave
Blog, facebook, tetris
Mostly blogging and reading blogs
Make noodles
Tea and cookie
Telephone: He’s coming back in only an hour!
Get ciggarettes
NOTE: I am pretty much always highly unproductive!
13. Which country would you like to visit or move in?
I actually had this massive world map on my wall at university and me and my boyfriend did little symbols in different colours on places we had been and placed we’d like to go. I practically raped the map with the my symbol for where I wanted to go! Here’s a short list: China, America, Dubai, North/ South Pole, Africa, India, New Zealand, the list is pretty much endless!
 
Right, I’m a bit bored of these question things now and feel like I’m just rushing them a bit, to be honest I can’t be still for anything, I know he’s coming home in a matter of minutes and I just can’t keep it together, I am so excited!