You have something amazing, now you need others to know you have something amazing and be jealous of it! Sunday, Sep 23 2012 

Right, you have the career you want and it’s fantastic: you feel the need to bring it up in front of your unemployed friend

You’re boyfriend is a wonder: you feel the need to bring it up in front of your single friend.

You did great in your university exams: you feel the need to bring it up in front of your flunking friend.

…And the list just goes on. Now, I cannot say that I am not guilty of this, in fact I would actually say that I am a person who does this. It’s awful and it does not portray me as a good person in the slightest but can anyone sympathize? You have what you want but you feel the need to mention it to people who don’t. I think I’m particularly guilty in the boyfriend department, I have this thing where I say things which sound bad about him (e.g. he leaves his shit fucking everywhere), when I actually mean it in a very endearing way.

Does it mean I’m insecure?
…Or am I just an awful human being?

I think I do this most to someone who used to be a really close friend of mine, she dated my boyfriend for about 2 months- they broke up and a few months later I was dating him. She’s single and her last boyfriend left her for some random girl who he had also cheated on her with for months. I don’t know why I need to slide things about mine and Jeff’s happiness, maybe I’m like a dog, marking territory and all that. I don’t know why I do it but I do, maybe I just want her to know that what they had isn’t anywhere close to what we have. I know that’s pathetic and it doesn’t matter- is this a way in which I portray us as being so much more. I know it’s stupid to even compare: I mean, 2 months to 2 years where we have been able to stay together through a whole year of university and have lived together all summer.

Maybe I’m just insecure.

Grace x

Your mood Tuesday, Sep 18 2012 

We’re happy, laughing, there is joy all around.

Nothing bad happens but all of a sudden you’re in a bad mood

You’re miserable, quite, there is sadness all around.

The thing is, when I ask you say it’s nothing…

Am I imagining it? This shift in mood? Am I going crazy?

I’m the one who pushes you into being in a mood I think…

My insistent asking must get annoying.

Just know that I love you and I worry because I never want anything to be wrong with you- and if there is, I want you to tell me. I’m sorry if I annoy you, I know it’s ridiculously counter-productive, but I just can’t seem to stop. I don’t know why this seems to be the only thing I don’t trust you on. Maybe I’m insecure? I don’t know. Just remember that I love you

Grace x