Did I pick the wrong house? Monday, Oct 1 2012 

Last night I walked into pre-drinks and everyone literally jumped up and pushed people out of the way to hug me. It was the best thing ever and it was absolutely amazing that so many people wanted to spend time with me!

Meanwhile, two of my flatmates had decided, last minute, that they weren’t going out and didn’t even bother to tell me. The one who did come left early.

I’d be allowed to smoke in the other house and the people there seem to appreciate me way more- why did I choose to live with these other people who hang about doing nothing all day and don’t seem all that bothered about me?

Anyway, they want to go to a club tomorrow but the other people are going to a different one, I’m going to go to the different one as I just think it will be heaps more fun and I won’t be having to leave when I feel my night hasn’t even begun yet!

I miss my halls from last year, they were a fucking ball! I don’t know, maybe it’s just the first few days and I’m just settling in. At least the other people only live about two minutes away so I guess I can go there anytime. It just sucks to not be comfortable in your own house.

On a brighter note, tomorrow is going to be AMAZING, and I get to go out with one of my guy best-friends who I didn’t get to see all summer and who is absolutely fantastic. Also, I’m really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend on Friday which I’m sure will be great, I do miss having him around all the time but it’s also lovely to be in a house which is mine.

Tomorrow I’m going to go do some food shopping and get myself more together.

Also, I have a gecko and well, he was car sick on the way here! How weird is that! I thought he was dying and his insides were coming out and nearly lobbed him out of the window! Luckily I realized it was vomited up worms. How odd though, I didn’t know geckos could throw up, I know that may sound really stupid but you don’t exactly expect that!

I am so excited for tomorrow! Also, I feel like I’m actually doing something with my life as I am going to sort out my university lectures and get some folders together. I am really excited for tomorrow!

Grace x

Some pathetic facts about Grace Sunday, Sep 23 2012 

Well, I guess they can be called pathetic, my boyfriend says endearing, my friends say cute, I say it’s my way of showing affection:

  • I need to speak to my boyfriend everyday
  • Cuddles…I must be cuddled to bed every night unless something horrifically important prevents this from happening
  • If I text my boyfriend and he doesn’t reply for a while I am in a bit of a mood until he does (in fact, he just did and I felt an immediate lift in my mood and decided to write this post, also, I’m being way cool by not replying straight away)
  • If in a social environment I like my boyfriend to demonstrate signs of affection very often
  • I get so worried if we don’t have sex twice a day, I feel like something is seriously SERIOUSLY wrong
  • I love it when he wears the bracelet I got him for our one year anniversary
  • I hate it when he texts around me
  • I adore it when he runs plans by me before committing to any
  • I find it so hard to sleep when he isn’t with me, ironic because when he is I want to spend all the time I can with him but always conk off to sleep
  • Pretty much any interaction with girls annoys me to at least a tiny extent- yes, this does include my friends

I can imagine there are more but I think I’ve made people want to throw up enough for now and have probably embarrassed myself enough too.

Grace x

I want something… Sunday, Sep 16 2012 

I don’t know what I want this evening. I want my boyfriend here. I know it’s pathetic that I miss him when he’s gone to his dads for only a day but I do.

The bed feels massive even though it’s a single

Most of my friends have gone off to university so there really isn’t much to do.

Do I want food?

Do I want to watch something? Read something? Take a bath?

I doubt I’m going to figure it out; so for now, I’m going to the shops for cigarettes. God I wish I didn’t smoke so this would be a treat.

I want to tidy up but I don’t have the energy.

I want to go to sleep but I’m not that tired.

Why the fuck am I upset? Everything’s fucking fine.

Grace x

I really want to do something tonight… Sunday, Sep 16 2012 

I have discovered that I’m quite an unhappy person alone, I don’t know if that means I’m really sociable or just really uncomfortable with myself. I hate being alone and I hate going to bed without my boyfriend unless I’m rather drunk from a night out…again: Loving girlfriend or needy phyco?

I’m not really sure. Nothing much is happening tonight and I guess that’s probably a good thing; I haven’t read much in ages and I’m rather behind on my blogging. I can spend time with my little brother and get a really good nights sleep. I should probably tidy up too, it’s getting a bit ridiculous now.

My gecko needs some loving and I really want to have a long bath.

For now I am off to see Paranorman with my little brother- keep your fingers crossed that it’ll be good. Well, last time I went to the cinema with him (he’s 9) we saw the Lorax and I cried my eyes out. Lets hope I keep it together and it’s still a good film- having a hungover breakdown over watching Lion King with my boyfriend yesterday means there have probably been enough tears shed on films as of late!

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Grace x

 

 

Continuation of what happens when curiosity gets the better of you Monday, Sep 10 2012 

So, my last post ( https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/i-guess-it-was-inevitable-that-i-would-open-this-can-of-worms/ ) was all about me finding a message from my boyfriend (Jeff, if you’ve been reading) to a girl (Chelsea, if you’ve been keeping up). Yes, yes this was in a group not the two of them or anything but after my previous reaction to it I just thought it was fucking ridiculous!

Anyway, I texted him saying that I was ridiculously angry at him and he should be at mine in the morning.

He replied with a fucking ‘? x.’ How, fucking caring of him

I then told him to fuck off and said that I had just got a text from someone saying that he had asked Chelsea to stay over (yes, yes, I know, I hacked his account and that’s how I found out but I just knew if I said that the argument would turn into him shouting at me about that so I improvised, apparently someone told me and ‘I promised I wouldn’t tell him who it was to avoid drama’…I think for someone who had just come back from the pub that is fucking impressive). 

He said that he had invited a group of people (not me, how fucking lovely…all our friends are mutual). Also, something I just realised: Chelsea said she wouldn’t stay over because she saw how upset I got (what a bitch), then again, what can I expect from someone who swore on her mum’s life she wouldn’t have sex with my ex boyfriend and I found out they did within a week of us breaking up (slut). 

Anyway there were a few more texts in which I explained that he knew he hurt me before so why would he do it again and he kept saying it was in a group so it was fine.

I got bored of this and told him to ring me. He did.

Now, this phone call was just a fucking mess, he was tired, he wasn’t taking me seriously, he thought I was over reacting. It just kept getting worse and worse and eventually he had the nerve to say that he was angry with ME. For fucks sake…what on earth did I do?

He always says that I start the arguments…yes, because I don’t ever give you reason to start them!

I ended up begging him to start walking towards mine. I know it’s pathetic but I begged and begged him to start walking. He said it wasn’t always his job to make me feel better (well, if you cause the hurt, yes it fucking is) and that he couldn’t be bothered because he was in bed (yes, and I was completely awake and not in bed at 2am, really?)

I begged for ages. I even gave a lovely speech with tears and little catchphrases I know he finds cute.

He said no.

It was a definitive no.

He said I could get a taxi to his or I could go there tomorrow (that would be today)

I said no, that wasn’t the point. I had this image of us walking towards each other, speeding up and finally running into an embrace. I’d cry and he’d hold me. We would make up.

This is the first night we have ever gone to bed angry at each other in two years. 

He said he would ring me tomorrow.

I said not to. 

It was meant to be a statement rather than something he would actually do. Goddamnit I am NOT ringing him though! 

I hate that he doesn’t care.

I’m not sure what’s going on with us.

I can’t wait to get drunk today.

Grace x

Writing Challenge: Smoking made it happen, Smoking makes her forget Sunday, Aug 26 2012 

Today I stumbled across a wonderful site: http://oursalon.wordpress.com/ where a challenge was given to write a poem, dialogue or story about a picture in no more or less than six sentences while using the picture given as inspiration. Here’s my attempt!

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The baby was crying; the baby was 12.

‘Don’t smoke pregnant’ they’d said.

She ignored them- She knew people who had.

This burden wasn’t on them however, she was the one carrying the curse.

Her partner had left, it was all too much for him, she still wore the ring.

Sitting alone she wondered, where did she get it so wrong.

Grace x

Obscene Love for Inanimate Objects Monday, Aug 20 2012 

So, I am facing my second night alone in a row, which may not sound like much to pout about, however I am rather used to having my boyfriend around for cuddles and general bed time antics. Those of you who  have read my earlier posts will know he is away due to a hand injury acquired during the dangerous act of making fajitas, and although his attempts to persuade me that he will be just fine are extreamly lovely and much appreciated I am just not all that appeased at all. The fact that I find it hard enough to sleep without him generally is a possible indicator at how challenging attempting sleep is with flashbacks of blood all over the kitchen. As a result, I am fully awake; chain smoking, playing old pokemon games and picking at my finger/ toe nails. Not only this, but I am currently in the middle of a categorical heatwave, and this, for someone who feels completely naked and incomplete without a blanket is just another torture in itself. For this reason, I have decided to write one of my (hopefully) funny anecdotes to pass some time while deciding between pot noodles or another cigarette:

As my boyfriend and I attend different universities ( although his is only about 9 minutes away by train) you can imagine that I would be going to a lot of parties, social events, pubs, clubs etc. without him. In the past my drunken state would be categorised by being a late night nuisance; frequently calling my boyfriend at ridiculous times simply to state in a slur how much I miss him, and how I am not at all plastered off my face. However, as of late I have noticed a new pattern developing; an obscene love for inanimate objects. Now, before people read this and refer channel 4 to call me for an interview or ask them to do one of those odd documentaries in my honour I would like to say that it does not a) happen when I am sober and b) does not go beyond a rather awkward making out session. These inanimate objects tend to take the form of lampposts, cars, trees, and really anything I can pounce on on my way back home after probably being thrown out of a club (fun fact: I rarely leave clubs, I am more placed outside them for the safety of others). My primary concern on this matter is discovering some sort of tree version of an STD and unwittingly passing it on to my boyfriend who will then be rushed from doctor to doctor with me while they investigate this new disease. However, on the up side, when I sober up I am never left with the feelings of guilt that I presume I would experience if the object of my drunken affection was a real person, I am rarely left feeling violated and used and apart from having to frequently remove tree bark from the washing machine believe this is not a problem I should really dwell on.

If any of you do see any kind of documentary about this sort of thing in the future, please do not assume it is based or is about me. Many Thanks.

Grace xImage