‘People say something happy after they think of something sad’ Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

My friend said this to me today as we were walking home today. Now, of course I denied that I had been thinking of anything sad when I randomly shouted ‘waheyyy, can’t wait for New Years!’

And yes, at first I thought this comment was rather cynical, however, when I thought about it, I found that it actually seemed rather correct. Who doesn’t want to replace sad thoughts with happy ones?

Grace x

Goodbyes (and a question of trust) Saturday, Sep 8 2012 

Image

One of the people I went camping left straight after to go back to university.

Yesterday two of the guys at the pub said their goodbyes as they’ve left today.

Tonight is a big group goodbye as I won’t see most of the people there till Christmas.

Tuesday is the last time we go to the pub which we always go to on Tuesdays.

It’s that time again, the time when everyone goes their separate ways to their universities and most of them I won’t see till Christmas which is so so sad. I got rather teary saying goodbye yesterday, I mean the time we were at the pub just seemed like the typical casual night but when we had to go our separate ways home it really hit me- I’m not going to see these guys for months.

I can’t imagine what it would be like if they left and I wasn’t going to university, it would just be absolutely horrendous! At least this way it’s not like I’m getting left behind. Me and Jeff will probably leave within a few days of each other and that will be great because I’ll still get to see him but it’s not going to be living together everyday as it has been this summer which is sad. I love waking up to him and I always fall asleep so much easier and faster when he’s holding me. Also, Judas is going to the same university as him and she’s conveniently chosen to be in his block which absolutely sucks. I really hope she gets her own friends and isn’t just with him everyday. I hope they don’t have private jokes together and I hope she doesn’t feel the need to be around whenever I visit.

Jeff said he’s getting me a little surprise present before I go and said he’s also taking me somewhere.

I’m in a very remembering mood right now and I’m just reminiscing over everything but at the same time I am so excited to go back to university. I’m excited for my new house and I’m excited not to have all mutual friends with Jeff as this can get very tricky in a relationship. I’m excited for the parties and the clothes sales. I’m excited to see my university friends and to hear about their summers. Strangely, I’m also excited to do work, I feel like I have done nothing particularly productive this summer at all and I miss the 2am stints in the library.

It’s also time for my daily question to you guys:

Question 6: Do you feel you are capable of completely trusting a person, I mean, what if everyone around you was saying things about them and it did seem like they were true, is there a person you would believe literally regardless of anything people said? Do you think it’s good to have that amount of trust in someone? If you do trust someone like this then who is it?

Answer 6: Well, I would say my family, but the thing is that seems a bit irrelevant to the question as no one I know is really going to say things to my family and it’s not like they and my friends go to the same places and chat all the time. I think this question relates more to friends and lovers. I mean, I think I do find it difficult to absolutely and completely trust anyone but in my defence there has always been a lot of drama and issues in my group so it can be difficult. In terms of Jeff I don’t know if I can answer this question without being in the situation, I think that he is the person I trust the most and I do think I would believe his word over the words of others unless I had a definite reason not to. I think the point that I would stop trusting him would be if I had difinative proof, for example a picture or actually catching him cheating on me, I really don’t think I would want to throw us away because of common rumours and I would never want to think that I broke up with him for no reason. However, if these rumours did keep surfacing there may be issues, I just think that in our relationship we’re very talkative and there would be ages and ages of us talking before we broke up over something like cheating rumours. I think it is good to be able to trust people but not in a blind way, even if you love someone you need to be able to look at the situation and not just believe them because you love them but because you love them and see that they are telling the truth. You cannot be blind with your trust and give it to people who don’t deserve it, but over all I do think that level of trust is brilliant and I wish I had more of it.

Grace x

The story of the beginning Thursday, Sep 6 2012 

So, I’ve mentioned my boyfriend quite a lot in this blog, I have also mentioned that he used to be my best friend, I have also said once that he went out with my other best friend before me. I said I’d explain this so here it goes.

I met my boyfriend (calling him Jeff) the day everyone got their GCSE results (so I had just finished year 11). I knew of him before as one of my friends had dated his brother for quite a while a year or so before this. I had never met him and didn’t talk to him that much the day we met- although I did steal some beer from him! I knew my best friend, lets call her Susan, quite liked him and had kissed him at a bbq that he was at a few weeks ago. Anyway, that was the day we met.

The second time I met him he picked me up from my house (I’m not really sure why) to go drinking in a park with a load of friends, we were there before everyone else and started playing a drinking game by drinking whoever got the lowest number on the dice we were throwing (well, not really throwing, the dice was on his phone). I kept loosing- a hint at what the relationship we would have would be like (he wins fucking everything). I got drunk and tried to get off with him and his best friend. I managed to get off with him, get him topless and alone and in my drunken state asked him who was better looking, me or Susan- he didn’t reply. This is a truly cringey episode! I mean I totally jumped him, tried to strip him down and asked him awkward questions! How could I ever face him again?

The next day the friend who had dated his brother tried to interrogate him about what happened (bare in mind she had already tried to set us up and after looking at my Facebook he was like urrhhh nah) and he seemed rather funny about it.

Anyway, after this we somehow managed to become really good friends, he was free to get off with whoever, I went out with a lot of his friends, we chilled, meshed, got drunk together, went for dinners…it was an amazing time.

Crunch time came when he drunkenly let out that he fancied someone in the group (this was about a year later by the way). Everyone thought it was me. He let it drag on and on. It turned out to be Susan. He asked her out and she said yes. I knew I was kind of upset.

I know I didn’t exactly help their relationship very much at all, and I know I was a pretty shitty friend. I mean, I spent all my time with him, we hung out way more than she did, he ditched her to hang out with me and we even played strip poker. He eventually broke up with her because she started shouting at me for being too close to him. I don’t blame her, if he was the way he was with me with someone else now I would be running for the fucking hills!

They broke up, we remained ridiculously close. Throughout our friendship I had been on and off with a ridiculously jealous boyfriend who hated Jeff. I was going out with him when Jeff first kissed me. We were drunk on Sambuca. He told me he thought he might like me.

This started a strange line of affairs where neither of us could decide if we wanted to be together.

Jeff asked me to go out with him on Valentines day. He spent hundreds and hundreds of pounds that day, that’s when I had to tell Susan.

It was awkward, she said she was okay with it but then said she felt like Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ song…that is NOT an ‘I’m okay with it’ song.

I carried on seeing him, nearly two years together now. I know I made the right decision, it may sound bitchy and it may sound harsh but I wanted to be with him, they weren’t and I know you’re not meant to go out with you’re best friend’s ex but what if you just can’t help yourself. I can’t imagine this year without him, he’s amazing, he yanked me out of an abusive relationship and he is still my best friend. I want to say sorry to Susan but I don’t know what I’m really sorry for, I’m sorry that I hurt her and I’m sorry our friendship can never be the same.

On a brighter note, I am back to doing my questions!

So…

Question 4: If you wanted to have children and you’re partner didn’t would that be a deal breaker for you?

Answer: Definately a yes, I have always pictured children in my future and I don’t think I would be happy to not have children, I don’t think I could ever love someone as much as a child and therefore no man would be worthy of making me change my mind.  I think I do really need children when I’m older and I want to be a mother. I wouldn’t let anyone take this away. Obviously this is different for everyone but I personally would walk away if someone didn’t see children in our future (not at this age, I mean I don’t want children now and I would date someone who didn’t want children but in terms of serious relationships and particularly when I’m older I would need to be with someone who wanted kids)

Grace x

Springsteen, Springsten-teen! Wednesday, Aug 29 2012 

“When I think about you, I think about seventeen,
I think about my old Jeep, I think about the stars in the sky,
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory,
Like the soundtrack to a July Saturday night,
Springsteen”

I absolutely adore this song, especially as it reminds me so much of my boyfriend. I mean, I met him when I was seventeen, on the day we got out GCSE results (we went to different schools), and from then just became best friends. We’d drink, just the two of us, play strip poker, sleep in random fields, talk about everything. It was amazing.

“To this day when I hear that song, I see you standing their on that lawn,
discount shades and store bought tan,
flip flops and cut off jeans”

Then we started, well, us. Even though the feelings had been there I mean “you looked at me and I was done”, I just never thought something so perfect would actually happen!

I hope he would recognise me if we lost touch as saw each other one day, that there would “still be a spark”

For those of you who’ve read before: “when this tattoo had brand new ink”, when we each others names tattooed for a dare.

I should stop now. Otherwise I’ll just keep going
I love him so much, I am in such a good mood, I can’t wait to see him later.

Grace x

30 day meme continued, also, I think my boyfriend will keep his hand! Wednesday, Aug 22 2012 

As some of you will know my boyfriend’s been in hospital for a hand operation, okay okay, the whole ‘keeping his hand’ thing is a bit severe, but he’s regaining feeling in all his fingers and can now move them pretty well; he even beet me in a car racing game today! His check up is on Friday so I’m planning a little surprise party which I’m quite excited about; he ruined my plan slightly by knowing me too well and guessing, however, he is so going to be double bluffed!

But anyway, I shall now continue my 30 day meme list, now, my list is clearly on crack as I am almost half way done and it is only day two…

14. Your earliest memory
Now, I am rather uncertain about this due to not really knowing what memory is from what age, however, I think one of my earliest ones is having tons and tons of stuffed toys and sleeping on the floor numerous times because I wanted them all to have space on my bed!
15. Your favourite bloggers/websites.
I’m not entirely sure about my favourite bloggers as I am quite new to blogging, however, at the bottom of my page there is a list of who I am following and so far they are definitely my favourites. Websites? I guess I don’t really use my laptop for much more than university work and facebook, and now blogging. Although, check out this crazy one, took me ages to figure it out (well, my boyfriend did really quickly and tried to explain it to me but I was still not getting it for days): http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html
16. Your opinion on mainstream music.
I am not a fan of people opposed to mainstream music, its kind of like not shopping in a supermarket chain. I mean, if you prefer other music that’s fine, but don’t prefer it simply on the fact that its ‘not mainstream’ and you are ‘too unique ‘ for mainstream. I myself am quite a huge fan, I guess that’s mainly because I go clubbing quite a lot and therefore hear a lot of it, and also because, to be honest I do think its generally quite good.
17. Your successes and failures in last year.
I failed to get into my chosen universities and had to go through clearing and I failed to keep my room tidy like I said I would. I can’t really think of anything else and even that last one is pretty rubbish. I don’t really think about failures and I just think that at my age you cannot do anything so bad that it can be considered a ‘failure’. In terms of successes I would say I succeeded in getting good A-level results; getting a good university; being the best girlfriend I can and finishing my first year with nothing below 65% (a 2:1)
18. What do you believe in?
I think my greatest belief, which I use whenever someone says they ‘couldn’t’ do something is that if you wanted to do something enough you would, you just would find a way and would then do it. I believe religion is a joke. I believe there always needs to be some jealousy in a relationship. I believe in myself and the people around me.
19. When did you not respect your parents?
Never, I think it would take a lot for me to loose respect for them and they haven’t even made a dent in that direction
20. How important is education for you?
Very. I think education is crucial for respect, I mean slang is fine as long as you’re capable of correctly writing/speaking a sentence. I don’t think I really value education in terms of future prospects but more in terms of just learning, I enjoy books and I get really happy when I understand something I previously didn’t.
21. One of your favourite TV shows.
Nip/Tuck (Check it out it’s amazing)
22. How did you change in past two years?
I think I am a much more secure person and this is probably the most important thing. In the past two years I have also somehow transformed from somebody who was dashing around sucking face to cuddling on a sofa for over a year and a half now and being ecstatic. Superficially, I have lost about a stone, I mean, I was only about 8 and a half before so I was quite slim anyway, but still. I am now blonde which I quite like and I think I choose clothes significantly better than I used to. Oh, although my boyfriend doesn’t think this is the case, I think my drink tolerance has gone up considerably!

Well, that seemed like a good idea at the time… Tuesday, Aug 21 2012 

I have a fun fact for you guys, I have a tattoo.

This tattoo is someone’s name.

This tattoo is my boyfriend’s name.

Now, before I get labled with the twelve year olds who proclaim their everlasting love for their boyfriend of two days I think I deserve a chance to explain how this story came to be.

Last summer me and a large group of friends, including my boyfriend, went on holiday to Tenerife. As you can imagine this was a largely alcohol fuelled trip before we all went off to university in the autumn. Now, the funny thing is that this story involves quite a bit of irony involving some antics with henna. One night me and one of my friends were walking around when we saw a lady doing henna, my friend suggested that I got my boyfriend’s name hennaed somewhere as it would be rather sweet:

“No way! That would be really weird and clingy and henna lasts like three weeks!”

So, as a joke I ended up getting her name hennaed onto my crotch, yes, literally my crotch!

Then, a few nights later me and my boyfriend where walking around by ourselves after a night on the strip, we were rather drunk and somehow the idea of getting each others names tattooed came up; in our drunken state we decided to walk around looking for a place to get them done, however, it was late and everything was closed so we ended up going back to the hotel and having sex on his balcony.

The next morning we woke up, still a bit tipsy but luckily not hungover.

“Haha, last night you were all up for getting my name tattooed on you, bloody clingy bastard!” I said as an innocent joke.

“I wasn’t joking, I bet you won’t do it though!” Came his cheeky reply.

On this note a game of ‘chicken’ began. Now, for those who are not familiar with this term, a game of chicken is basically one to see who will go the furthest and can be applied to a variety of things, for example, lying down in the middle of a road. We began joking about it and both arguing that we would in fact do it if the other did so too.

Now, in some kind of social error there was a tattoo parlour located right under our hotel, the social error being that this was clearly a hotel for teens on holiday. As the jokes progressed we began moving towards this parlour, many of our friends in tow, none thinking it would actually be done. My boyfriend then popped into the parlour, gave the man our names and haggled him for a lower price, eventually he came out to the nervous wreck of me waiting outside.

“They can do ours now if you like, who do you want to go first”

I was shocked. So very very shocked. I mean, first of all my boyfriend isn’t exactly the type to show emotions or be very up front about his feelings, hell, we hadn’t even said ‘I love you yet’, except for a bodged attempt a few days ago when he said

“I’m not sure if I like you or love you.”

This being said in a lift where I proceeded to pretend to hit my head to distract him as I had no idea how to react to something like that!

So anyway, I said he could go first, still not believing this was actually going to happen. Nevertheless, it did. He got my name in big black along the outside of his left foot, and, soon enough it was my turn to get his on the inside of my right. The pain was incredible; one of the worst parts being when I thought I had gone through enough pain and it must be done and looking down and seeing the first letter not even being completed yet.

I think I acted like one of those crazy ladies giving birth on TV, all screaming and demanding that my boyfriend look at me and let me vice grip his hand! The video my friend did of it truly looked like a birth, my legs all hitched up, me sweating and screaming and my boyfriend looking confused (he thought his didn’t hurt very much at all).

After it was all done we thought it was still hilarious, watching the video over and over again and stocking up on creams from the local pharmacy. In all honesty, it is still rather funny, probably since were still together, but still, very funny and quite an awesome memory. I do not regret it, even though getting a boyfriend’s name on your foot after six months is a bit of a ‘what the fuck’ moment.

Now, remember the henna, the henna I refused to get his name written on me with because it lasts three weeks? Yeah, that’s the irony I mentioned earlier.

Grace x