‘Facials’ – And not the £40 spa kind Monday, Dec 24 2012 

sperm

In this month’s Cosmopolitan there was an article about what men like to do in bed that women have mixed feelings about. Amongst the obvious threesomes and anal exploration one aspect of this article focused on ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Now, this caught my eye as a few months ago my boyfriend asked me to do it when he was drunk and it has since happened a few more times (including last night after our argument- well, that’s one way to shorten his annoyance with me).

Within the article the discussion focused around whether or not this act was degrading to women. When I looked further into the topic the aspect of degradation continued to appear with great prevalence.

Now, the question which popped into my mind was- if this is degrading surely other sexual acts can also be deemed as degrading to women? Some examples which came to mind are doggy, jizzing on boobs and spanking. I also tried to think of what acts could be seen as sexually degrading to mean and couldn’t think any to name. Turning to the trusted Google search I was also fruitless in any sexual acts which were stated as sexually degrading to men.

It appears only women can be degraded and only acts men can do are sexually degrading. Blow jobs were often high on degradation lists, however licking a woman out appears to be seen as a sign of a guy who cares about you and your pleasure. It seems only women can be degraded and there isn’t really anything which can typically degrade a men.

Personally I do not think any of these acts are degrading. I think the concept that many women would do acts they find degrading to men is degrading. Women have a choice and they do not typically need to do anything they do not want to do. I have done all the acts discussed and never felt degraded.

I think degradation comes from much deeper roots than the act you are preforming- for example, from being forced to do something you are not comfortable with.

I think you should do whatever you and your partner are happy with. Stop thinking about whether you are being degraded and instead consider whether you yourself are against these acts- that’s what truly matters.
Of course this is only my personal opinion- what do you readers think?

Grace x

Age of consent Saturday, Sep 22 2012 

I have been reading quite a lot on this topic as discussions approach about the UK changing its age of consent from 16 to 14. This topic got me thinking about the age of consent in other countries and how laws may differ worldwide.

I found the website http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm very helpful in my search for worldwide age of consent laws as it literally listed basically every country, their age of consent or if they did not have one. I found that the age of consent worldwide ranges from 12 to 21. This is a difference of nine years which in itself seems rather huge; however, when you consider the massive changes which occur to a person within these nine years the gap seems even larger.

Now, in terms of these ages I think that 12 is an absolutely shocking age to be having sex at. I mean, seriously, people having sex at 12!? I didn’t even so much as kiss a boy until I was 14 and even that was a fucking dare and lasted about a millisecond! It cannot possibly be healthy in any way to begin having sex at 12, I mean, I wasn’t even trusted to go out past about 7 so how on earth could I be trusted to make such an important decision as loosing my virginity. I genuinely think that at 12 you are a child and cannot at all comprehend and understand how to make this kind of decision. Also, at 12 you will not realistically have any strong and lasting feelings for someone you are going to have sex with and sleeping with people you don’t see yourself being with is a much more grown up and complicated issue than something you can deal with at the age of 12!

Whilst on the subject of this ridiculously low age of consent I would also like to make the comment that in Columbia the age of consent is 12 only for girls, yet boys can only have sex at 14. What does this mean? Who would these 12 year old girls be having sex with, boys at least two years older than them (which at that age is a huge age gap)? is it suggesting that girls are more responsible? I really don’t know what to make of this. The only conclusion I can really come to is that in many underdeveloped countries (such as Guatemala and Indonesia- which both also have different ages of consent for boys and girls [Guatemala: 14 for girls and 16 for boys. Indonesia: 16 for girls and 19 for boys], girls are typically expected to get married very early and to an older man who can help provide for her family. Either way, I am completely dumbfounded by this discovery.

On another note, I leant that in some countries the age of consent is only valid if you are married, an example of this is Bahrain which has its age of consent at 15 or the time of marriage. 15, to me personally, also seems to be a very low age to loose ones virginity. Also, the implication that it can be earlier if you marry earlier seems rather scary and filled with images of young girls being married of older men.

However, although I am, to an extent, stating that these ages of consent seem far too low I also discovered some rather unrealistic ideals. For example, may countries state that they simply do not allow sex before marriage, for example: Saudi Arabia and Qatar. Now, whilst I am not going to be a virgin when I get married this does seem to be a lovely idea and I think that if it was upheld by personal desires rather than religious stigma it would be an amazing thing to do. Nevertheless, although these countries are obviously rich in religious views it does seem to be rather idealistic and unrealistic to expect only the married to have sex. I also think it is rather ridiculous to punish consenting adults for having sex simply because they are not married. Personally, in the words of Samantha Jones (‘Sex and the City’ and yes, I know this isn’t exactly the intellectual quote I should be putting in this post): “Before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!” This, I believe is completely true, both with sex and with living together!

Additionally, countries with the age of consent at the high age of 21, such as Cameroon, also seem rather unfathomable. I mean, yes, I agree that people should wait but I also think that if the age of consent is unrealistically high people will simply ignore it as ‘just one of those laws’, you know, the ones that are there but no one really listens to.

In conclusion, I believe that the age of consent is definitely a very difficult thing to determine: set too low it gives the impression that children having sex is promoted (‘Brave New World’ anyone?), set it too high and it will not be something that people even try to aspire to. The thing is, I do think that essentially it is not the age that a person has sex at that really matters, it’s the reasons why they are having sex. Of course, this does not mean that 12 year olds ‘in love’ should be having sex, I just simply mean that I think that some people mature earlier than others and for some sex at 16 will be the right thing whereas for others the right thing to do will be to wait until 20, 25 or even marriage. At the end of the day, to each is own (apart from 12 year old’s ‘in love’).

Personally, I think that below 16 is a ridiculous age to have sex but that waiting till after marriage is not going to do you any favors as sex is a large part of your relationship with someone.

I would genuinely love any input that anyone has on this matter whatever your views may be.

Grace x

How do you make me feel this way? Monday, Sep 17 2012 

I was just in the bath and my boyfriend managed to absolutely infuriate me- he rang to say he had not found my charger and I said:

“Cool, but you’re having a ten minute chat with me now.”

“No, I’m not.” Came his responce

“Urmm…alright. Why?”

“I’m watching TV.”

Seriously?! Guys…take note: this is not acceptable behavior… especially as I know for a fact he has a pause button and is at his dad’s alone (therefore, he can pause the programme without bothering anyone). Also, even if this wasn’t the case- seriously? You can’t speak to me for ten minutes because you are watching TV?

“Cool, bye” is the answer to that question, it is also what I said to him on the phone.

Now, I didn’t want to get into an argument over this so I left it. Not exactly a massive deal is it?

A few hours later he rings me to say he has in fact located my phone charger (hooray! I was dying) and said he wanted to blow off staying at his dad’s so we could spend the night at ours together (basically he’s seeing his family a lot because he’s heading off to university soon and I’m pretty much doing the same so we don’t get to spend every night at ours). Now, this was really lovely and he even offered to pick me up (by foot, neither of us drive) from my dads. How sweet and I would love to spend the night with him! So, hence, I was happy.

Now, this all happened within a few hours. Amazing how the small gestures of my boyfriend can be so different and be replied to with such different emotions!

Charlotte York springs to mind here (Sex and the City) and what she said about happiness: “Well, not all day everyday but yes, everyday.” That’s how I feel.

Well, I’m also in a spectacular mood because I have cleaned up, done my nails and shaved all that needed shaving during a glorious bath!

Grace x

The night of horrific chat up lines (part 3: PLEASE LOVE ME) Sunday, Sep 16 2012 

Right, so this is the last awful chat up story of that night- yes, all three were in the same night. No, I don’t know if the bar tenders were spiking the drinks of men with crack that night.

So there I am, sitting with my friend when a fella comes over and asks for BOTH our numbers…now, the thing I don’t understand is…this is not like roulette, asking girls next to each other for both their numbers does not mean you have a greater chance at victory. As you can imagine, both of us said no.

However, this was not to be the end of this confused man.

A few minutes later my absolutely wasted friend comes up from doing shots at the bar downstairs. The same fella decides to approach her and ask her for her number. Now, me and my other friend are crazily shaking our heads and making faces at her, however- she agrees that she will take his number down. He takes her phone and starts taping in his number. By this point my drunken fool of a friend is bursting for the toilet so we leave the guy and her phone under the supervision of my friend and dash of to the toilet. Once inside she tells me that this is her tactic, let them give her their number and they leave her alone.

“Hmm, that’s actually not a bad plan.” I say.

We return back to our table knowing that the guy will return her phone and go away, however, as we approach we realize he is miss-calling himself from her phone…he now has her number! Oh dear, well, her plan has not backfired. We quickly make our excuses and go downstairs to find the rest of our friends and have a few drinks with them.

The night progresses without note when, a few hours later, the friend who had given the number to the guy receives a text:

“I’m so so sorry I left so abruptly and couldn’t say goodbye, you are amazing, I hope to see you soon, sorry again..”

Now, I’m already reading this and thinking ‘what a freak’ when she scowls down and I see the end of his text…

“Please love me! xxx”

Okay, just what the fuck!

I don’t even know what to comment on this! Please love me? PLEASE LOVE ME? Is that not one of the weirdest, creepiest thing a stranger has texted you (probably not, but still)

PLEASE LOVE ME?

His number is now blocked. However, my mind is incapable of blocking something like this out. I am shocked. Men take note: This is weird. Thanks

Grace x

The night of horrific chat up lines (part 2: no, you cannot sit there) Wednesday, Sep 12 2012 

So, after my difficult journey to the pub (which I spoke about in part 1) I finally got there!

A few minutes later some of my friends left so that they could get a stamp for a bar which would be closing later than the one we were in- if they didn’t get a stamp before a certain time they would have to queue and pay to get in.

Anyway, I wasn’t going as I promised my boyfriend I wouldn’t get too drunk and would be home at a respectable time as he wanted to spend a nice night with me: not one when I’m all crazy drunken me. When they left it was just me and one girlfriend, we were chatting and generally having a great time when a random guy approaches us and asks us if he could sit down. Now, the bar was not crowded enough to allow this kind of behavior- I mean, I don’t usually approve of it generally but this time there were literally dozens of seats! However, I didn’t want to flat-out say no so I decided to just raise my eyebrows and give him the ‘are you being serious look’. Now, it’s not just that he wanted to sit down at our table, it was more the fact that he was about twenty years older than me and I suspected that he wouldn’t just sit there talking to his friend (women’s intuition rocks).

Apparently my look of ‘are you being serious?’ was intercepted correctly because he sat down. Unacceptable. We ignored him and basically shut down all his questions. I guess this wouldn’t have been that noteworthy, however, his horrific chat up line was to say that he knew me and we had slept together in a dorm room five years ago.

Now, five years ago I would have barely been fourteen. I really don’t think I was having sex at fourteen. Also, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t doing Economics at Westminster University when I was fourteen. However, when I stated these facts he continued to say that it was, in fact, me who he slept with. My patience was beginning to run low at this point. I had sex for the first time when I was sixteen with my then boyfriend of four years, I have never attended or even been near Westminster University and I do not do Economics as my degree. Oh, and a side note, I do not sleep with random people. I also would not sleep with someone who is so much older than me and looks like he’s had more cocaine than the amount that floats around all the festivals during summer!

He just would not let this one go!

“Okay, whatever, maybe she looked like me.”

“No, it was you.”

“No, it wasn’t. Someone probably looked like me. Also, at my age, I would have changed drastically in five years.”

“It was definitely you.”

“Fine. It was me. Now I know your name and what you look like I shall be contacting the police. I would have been fourteen five years ago.”

I then proceeded to show him my passport ( I had it at the pub as that is my only current form of ID).

He got up and RAN and I mean RAN! It was brilliant!

Of course, it wasn’t me who he had slept with all those years ago.

I guess this is post number 3 in which I can say: men are idiots.

Grace x

 

The night of horrific chat up lines (part 1: apparently, not everyone has a name) Wednesday, Sep 12 2012 

I’m not sure why exactly, but yesterday I was privy to a lot of really bad attempts to chat me and my friends up. Maybe something was in the air? Maybe the bar man was giving away free shots because it was his last day?

Whatever it was it does seem to put more evidence towards my earlier post of why men are idiots (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/making-up/) Yes, I know, the title doesn’t match, I kind of went of in a tangent and made a post about the failures of the male brain but forgot to change the title till later that night so I guess the hyperlink just keeps the original title.

Anyway, I shall now tell the story of my first encounter of the night:

I left my house late as I had to babysit and was just walking up the road to the bus stop, fumbling around for my headphones, when I hear:

“Do you have a name beautiful?”

Now, my first reaction to this was to turn around and inform this poor soul that everyone, in fact, has a name and I, as encompassed within the human population do, therefore, indeed have a name.

I then turn around and begin to walk away.

“Hey sexy, can I find out your name?”

Right…I am not usually anal about grammar but when I am late, some idiot keeps bugging me and my feet ache I can get a bit anal about everything.

“Well, you probably can in today’s world, it would, in fact, be quite easy to find out my name as you know where I live and what I look like: however, this kind of behavior is what leads to restraining orders and eventually prison sentences.”

Now, by this point I think I have made my point clear. I do not want to speak to him and I want to get going. Apparently, I was not blunt enough.

“Hey sexy, can I talk to you for a minute”

“No, I need to go.”

“Can I walk you?” (Seriously? Are you that obtuse?)

“No.”

I walk away. Luckily I think he may have finally understood my point… that, or ran out of things he could think of to say.

The thing is, I think someone could potentially work the line “have you got a name?” However, you cannot expect to say it to someone without them having the rebuttal of ‘…well yeah, do you not?’ or something else of a sarcastic nature. I guess this could be the idea? Nevertheless, if I attempt to walk away from you (in this case, numerous times) I am more likely than not completely uninterested. Thanks.

Grace x

Men are idiots! Tuesday, Sep 11 2012 

So, I mentioned the whole thing about my boyfriend inviting a girl to stay over (again, no, not by herself with other guys there, but I had cried about her staying over before so I was not much impressed).

He refused to come the night I found out

He went out last night so couldn’t

Today he tried to feed me some bull about being hungover. I put my foot down and told him that yes, he would be meeting me. Luckily he was compliant with this and we both agreed to walk towards eachother and meet half way.

We spoke on the whole way home about our respective nights and I began to feel a lot better. Finally, we met eachother and I just wasn’t that angry anymore- I’d missed him and he was very understanding about how wrong he had been. He was also rather horny (to be fair, I had just gone shopping and my have worn all my nice new stuff which featured a very pushy bra and some very short shorts). We rolled around kissing and hugging in the grass and we made up.

It still bugs me that he invited her. It also bugs me that it was so easy to get onto his Facebook and how I didn’t get found out!

We may have fundled around a bit- that probably wasn’t exactly okay as we could be seen from the playground full of kids. Nevermind.

We got cosy on a bench and were just chatting about some random stuff. Little did I know that within minites my boyfriend would prove why the men are completely useless. So, we’re sitting there and he turns to me and says “You sent me a very cryptic text which I just couldn’t reply to yesterday.” Now, I didn’t remember sending any odd texts at all so I asked him what he was talking about:

“The first one.”

“What, the one where I said sorry if I annoyed or bugged you the night before?”

“Yeah.”

“How on earth was that cryptic or difficult to reply to?”

My boyfriend then turned to me, completely baffled and started talking about how there was nothing he could think to reply to that with and had even employed one of his friends to help him (male, again, showing the stupidity). Apparently his friend didn’t know what you could possibly say to that.

“Thank you?” I ask.

“I’m sorry too?” I ask.

“You couldn’t think of that? Seriously?” I ask.

He looks at me in a completely bemused way and says

“Thank you? Why didn’t I think of that? Genius!”

Now, by now I am giving him a look of complete disbelief and confusion.

“Is that why it took you about five hours to reply?” I ask (also, I have just remembered what the reply was: “So we okay now :S”, now, that sounds pretty mean and as if he is still angry at me, it is also nothing exactly helpful and does not appriciate my swallowing of my ego).

“Yup.” Comes his reply.

Seriously? Even writting this I am completely in awe as to his stupidity. I don’t think my text was in any way difficult or confusing to reply to. My conclusion: Men are idiots.

What do you lovely readers think? Is my apologetic text in any way difficult to reply to? Would it stump you if someone sent you that?

Grace x

My boyfriend’s annoying habits! Friday, Sep 7 2012 

None of these are actually bad at all but I guess everyone has pet-peeves and I thought I’d make a list of my boyfriend’s habits which make me squint and give him my attempt at evil eyes! Leave the annoying habits of the people close to you, it’s always fun to share!

1) He has this thing about switching all the plugs on off, see, I don’t do this, so I’ll end up charging my laptop, telephone or trying to fix the computer for hours before realising he’s gone and switched the plug off! By this point my devices have probably died, I haven’t been able to straighten my hair and I’m all up for calling out an electrician for the telly!

2) He picks his nails and lays them on plates with the pretence of putting them in the bin…this never happens. Nails accumulating on plates. Sexy.

3) When he’s drunk it takes us hours to get home on a journey which should take a few minutes, he is completely incapable of speaking and walking at the same time when he had been drinking so ends up stopping every few seconds to say something!

4) He’s the cook. I always need to be in the kitchen when he’s cooking, he will literally pick me up and carry me there if don’t go or will take the blanket, pillows and sheet off the bed or the cushions of the couch!

5) He pees outside when he’s too lazy to go upstairs (I am guilty of doing this once though).

6) Very dominating in games and if we’re making a fire. Doing any sort of quiz or crossword with him is just asking for a squabble!

7) He likes ‘good morning blow-jobs’ where I get nothing for myself and will bug me with his dick until I agree.

8) If he says something I don’t hear he just says ‘Oh don’t worry’ if it’s not something important! This infuriates me! I want to hear everything he says!

There’s probably a few more but I don’t like to moan and I love him, he is fantastic. His little annoying habits just make him up I guess.

Grace x