Explosion Monday, Dec 24 2012 

Yesterday me and some friends went to a pub, my boyfriend was amongst the group that went.

He had made a pub quiz for us all to do and when the pub closed decided to carry on doing it outside.

I was freezing and made a fuss about us just going home as I hadn’t slept the night before; was ridiculously cold; and just believed the night was over.

He still continued with the quiz and insisted I stayed when I tried to leave even thought I said he could just come home after me.

Anyway, we walked home in complete silence with me putting my headphones on.

When we got home he gave me a kiss on the head and said bye- apparently he was going to his dads.

He walked off and after having a little cry on the street I followed him.
nodmdo
I think the above picture is the only way to describe what happened next…

He completely exploded about me always wanting to get my own way and being weird about him being friends with girls. He then refused to come back to mine.

It was a truly horrific night with a lot of crying and I genuinely thought we were breaking up.

Finally, he came back home.

I was so tired and a bit drunk and kept falling asleep and thinking of Pokemon during the conversation.

We fought about me not liking him being friends with girls and I said I got jealous of any girl spending more time with him than I do- he said no girl does. I said I didn’t like the way some of his friendships were.

The argument ended for him in me saying I would chill about girls and wouldn’t be so pushy.

I think this is definitely one of the most horrific arguments we’ve had.

We went to Christmas lunch at his and he says everything is fine and we’re okay and he loves me. I worry that he’ll change his mind.

I hate that I don’t get to see him till the day after Boxing Day- consequently that is also his birthday.

I’m guessing this Christmas isn’t going to be particularly great.

Grace x

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Why don’t people with prams listen to music? Tuesday, Sep 18 2012 

You see people walking around with headphones in all the time right? It’s a common sight.

However, when have you seen someone with a buggy listening to music through headphones? Now, of course I don’t mean that people should ignore their children and listen to music but say it’s a new born and it’s sleeping…why not listen to some music while you’re walking around?

Safety? Well, can’t you have the music on quietly or perhaps have only one headphone in?

What do you lovely people think? Have you seen someone with a pram listening to music? If not, do you know why?

I, personally, am rather baffled at this realization!

Grace x

10 day challenge! Friday, Sep 7 2012 

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Now, I found this on Google images as I quite enjoyed the 30 day challenge I did in about two days!

As per tradition I shall do this one in just one post! Here it goes!

Ten Secrets:

1) I liked my boyfriend whilst he was going out with my best friend, awful I know

2) I still haven’t told a lot of my close friends about a hugely close death in my family, I don’t  really like to share stuff like that

3) I cheated on my ex boyfriend of over five years (on and off) several times, again, awful I know!

4) I am hugely jealous of pretty much every girl my boyfriend talks to- pathetic, I know.

5) When I plucked my first nipple hair I felt like a Chewbacca and nearly cried.

6) I always want to have a massive accident, like death threatening just to see how people would react. Awful? Insecure? Stupid?

7) Sometimes I don’t do clothes washing or have a shower for absolutely ages- disgusting.

8) I’ve slightly thrown up on my boyfriend’s dick. Yes, I know horrific. He still doesn’t know, it was a tiny bit, I wiped it away, sent him to get me juice and febrezed the shit out of the room. In my defence I was really hungover and he pushed my head down too much.

9) I know this is horrific but I don’t think I could deal with having a disabled child. I know that is completely dreadful but I just don’t know how I would cope!

10) I get really anxious about really silly things such as my boyfriend seeming to be a bit off or a friend not responding to a text for a while, I get easily worried I did something wrong.

Nine Loves:

1) My family

2) My boyfriend

3) My cat

4) My gecko

5) University

6) Sex

7) Cuddling

8) Those websites that let you watch practically anything online

9) (I know I’m cheating a bit here but…) Friends, smoking, going out, drinking

Eight Fears:

1) Spiders

2) Getting broken up with

3) Doing something ridiculously embarrassing like peeing myself in public

4) Being shouted at and general confrontations (I hate it, it scares me and I’m highly likely to cry)

5) Cancer

6) Not being able to have children or for them to have any kind of disabilities

7) Never getting married to someone I am crazy about or them cheating on me

8) Rape

Seven Wants:

1) To get married and have a happy family

2) To have a job I extreamly enjoy

3) To stay with my boyfriend as long as I want to and as long as I love him and he still treats me the way he does

4) My boyfriend to have less female friends

5) For my family to be healthy

6) For my little brother to have everything he wants in life

7) For my dad to meet someone he loves again

Six Places:

1) London: I live here now

2) Russia: I was born here, my grandparents live here, it is still one of my favourite places!

3) Leicester: I go to university here and I adore it!

4) Furteventura (Canary Islands): The first place me and my boyfriend went to on holiday, just the two of us.

5) Ireland: Where every boyfriend and guy I’d got with before my current boyfriend had some kind of roots. This is also the place my boyfriend said we were going instead of the Canary Islands right up until we were at the airport!

6) America: Where I desperately want to go ASAP.

Five Foods:

1) Taco’s: Me and my boyfriend eat these constantly, he cooks them bloody amazing!

2) Noodles: The only thing I can make nearly as good as my boyfriend, and the only thing I can afford to eat when I’m done living like a rock-star for the best part of the month!

3) Spaghetti-Bolognese: We used to have a night for this when I was younger and I just love it! I don’t really like the chunks though, I like it meaty, with juice, and heaps of pasta.

4) Chicken Wrap: You can get these amazing ones with salad and some amazing sauce at a kebab shop near me; it’s cheap and tastes fucking amazing, I get it pretty much at every opportunity!

5) Chicken Bhuna: My favourite Indian dish.

Four Books:

1) ‘Orix and Crake’ by Margaret Atwood: Easily one of my favourite books!

2) ‘Pride and Prejustice’ by Jane Austen: One of my favourite Austen books and the one which got me into classics

3) ‘The Dutchess’ by Amanda Foreman: Brilliant book about how women were crucial to political campaigns even in the 17th century, a story with factual evidence about Georgiana, the Dutchess of Devonshire.

4) ‘Winnie the Pooh’ by A.A. Mills: Come on, a childhood classic like this had to be mentioned, such a beautiful book.

Three Films

1) The Butterfly Effect

2) The Notebook

3) Hannibal

Two Songs:

1) ‘Wherever You Will Go’ by The Calling

2) ‘Fireflies’ by Owl City

One Picture (of yourself)

I really don’t think so! At least not yet…

But here’s a funny one I chuckled over for ages:

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Grace x

Springsteen, Springsten-teen! Wednesday, Aug 29 2012 

“When I think about you, I think about seventeen,
I think about my old Jeep, I think about the stars in the sky,
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory,
Like the soundtrack to a July Saturday night,
Springsteen”

I absolutely adore this song, especially as it reminds me so much of my boyfriend. I mean, I met him when I was seventeen, on the day we got out GCSE results (we went to different schools), and from then just became best friends. We’d drink, just the two of us, play strip poker, sleep in random fields, talk about everything. It was amazing.

“To this day when I hear that song, I see you standing their on that lawn,
discount shades and store bought tan,
flip flops and cut off jeans”

Then we started, well, us. Even though the feelings had been there I mean “you looked at me and I was done”, I just never thought something so perfect would actually happen!

I hope he would recognise me if we lost touch as saw each other one day, that there would “still be a spark”

For those of you who’ve read before: “when this tattoo had brand new ink”, when we each others names tattooed for a dare.

I should stop now. Otherwise I’ll just keep going
I love him so much, I am in such a good mood, I can’t wait to see him later.

Grace x

I’m quite excited Sunday, Aug 26 2012 

I love having the house to myself ever now and then, I can watch crap television without being pestered by my boyfriend, cook up odd concoctions without running the risk of killing him and sit around doing nothing without thinking I’m being really anti-social. He’s at his dad’s tonight and I may have told him I’ll get the house in order…this is not going to happen. Maybe tomorrow. 

I can also play pokemon!

I am also so excited about picking up my little brother, can’t believe I haven’t seen him in a whole month! The money I’m getting from my grandparents is also a much welcome treat!

I shall be dancing around in my underwear to the best of the 2000’s while smoking and drinking wine! Tonight is going to be a good night!

I can also blog all I like, go to sleep when I like and bathe for hours on end! I quite fancy dyeing my hair too, one of those wash in wash out perhaps? I mean, it took me months and months to go blonde (I’m naturally brunette and am too terrified to bleach my hair so I just dyed it repeatedly) so I don’t really want to dye it anything permanent as I cannot bare to go through that process again!

I also love the London underground, which is what I shall be taking back home from Heathrow!

A game that I used to play ( and sometimes still do) is to look at one person in turn on your carriage and think what you would want to have that is theirs. This can range from a cute top, nice eye colour or awesome shoes to things like being married, having kids or being really graceful. Give it a go, it makes the journey way more fun!

Grace x

Lack of motivation Sunday, Aug 26 2012 

I have so many things to do but I just can’t seem to get around to achieving them.

I need to sort out a lot of things at the bank and with student finance.

I need to see my friend who I haven’t seen all summer.

I need to sort out my room and my house.

I need to clean out my gecko cage.

I need to make a new bank account.

I need to look for jobs the next student year.

I need to do a lot more things.

I feel like I have no energy to do anything and I know that I will feel so much better when I have done all these things but I just seem to not be able to get the initial motivation. Even right now, I need to go food shopping but I just can’t seem to get up. I have no idea why I can’t be motivated to do anything, nothing’s even wrong, but I just feel drained.

I have also realised that although my boyfriend it kind, loving and supportive I seem to have drifted from a lot of friends because I want to spend all my time with him; I seem to have become lazy and incapable of doing things without him; I have grown jealous; I have become needy. I feel like it is definitely time for me to return to university, I mean, I respond well to goals with a time frame such as assignments. During summer I just seem to be exhausted, immobile and, to an extent, somewhere deep down, in content and saddened.

Maybe today is just a bad day, I am generally a very happy person.

I want to sort out a lot of things tomorrow, maybe putting it on this blog will help me.

First, I will have a good sleep. I will then wake and sort out my student finance. I will then smoke, blog and relax. I will then call my bank and try to sort things out. I will then begin sorting out my house. I want to feel happy and content, in a lovely environment tomorrow. I hope I do these things.

Music always helps.

Grace x

30 day meme continued, also, I think my boyfriend will keep his hand! Wednesday, Aug 22 2012 

As some of you will know my boyfriend’s been in hospital for a hand operation, okay okay, the whole ‘keeping his hand’ thing is a bit severe, but he’s regaining feeling in all his fingers and can now move them pretty well; he even beet me in a car racing game today! His check up is on Friday so I’m planning a little surprise party which I’m quite excited about; he ruined my plan slightly by knowing me too well and guessing, however, he is so going to be double bluffed!

But anyway, I shall now continue my 30 day meme list, now, my list is clearly on crack as I am almost half way done and it is only day two…

14. Your earliest memory
Now, I am rather uncertain about this due to not really knowing what memory is from what age, however, I think one of my earliest ones is having tons and tons of stuffed toys and sleeping on the floor numerous times because I wanted them all to have space on my bed!
15. Your favourite bloggers/websites.
I’m not entirely sure about my favourite bloggers as I am quite new to blogging, however, at the bottom of my page there is a list of who I am following and so far they are definitely my favourites. Websites? I guess I don’t really use my laptop for much more than university work and facebook, and now blogging. Although, check out this crazy one, took me ages to figure it out (well, my boyfriend did really quickly and tried to explain it to me but I was still not getting it for days): http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html
16. Your opinion on mainstream music.
I am not a fan of people opposed to mainstream music, its kind of like not shopping in a supermarket chain. I mean, if you prefer other music that’s fine, but don’t prefer it simply on the fact that its ‘not mainstream’ and you are ‘too unique ‘ for mainstream. I myself am quite a huge fan, I guess that’s mainly because I go clubbing quite a lot and therefore hear a lot of it, and also because, to be honest I do think its generally quite good.
17. Your successes and failures in last year.
I failed to get into my chosen universities and had to go through clearing and I failed to keep my room tidy like I said I would. I can’t really think of anything else and even that last one is pretty rubbish. I don’t really think about failures and I just think that at my age you cannot do anything so bad that it can be considered a ‘failure’. In terms of successes I would say I succeeded in getting good A-level results; getting a good university; being the best girlfriend I can and finishing my first year with nothing below 65% (a 2:1)
18. What do you believe in?
I think my greatest belief, which I use whenever someone says they ‘couldn’t’ do something is that if you wanted to do something enough you would, you just would find a way and would then do it. I believe religion is a joke. I believe there always needs to be some jealousy in a relationship. I believe in myself and the people around me.
19. When did you not respect your parents?
Never, I think it would take a lot for me to loose respect for them and they haven’t even made a dent in that direction
20. How important is education for you?
Very. I think education is crucial for respect, I mean slang is fine as long as you’re capable of correctly writing/speaking a sentence. I don’t think I really value education in terms of future prospects but more in terms of just learning, I enjoy books and I get really happy when I understand something I previously didn’t.
21. One of your favourite TV shows.
Nip/Tuck (Check it out it’s amazing)
22. How did you change in past two years?
I think I am a much more secure person and this is probably the most important thing. In the past two years I have also somehow transformed from somebody who was dashing around sucking face to cuddling on a sofa for over a year and a half now and being ecstatic. Superficially, I have lost about a stone, I mean, I was only about 8 and a half before so I was quite slim anyway, but still. I am now blonde which I quite like and I think I choose clothes significantly better than I used to. Oh, although my boyfriend doesn’t think this is the case, I think my drink tolerance has gone up considerably!

Some more meme! Tuesday, Aug 21 2012 

8. Moment when you were most satisfied with your life.
I think this is quite a difficult one as I’m quite a lazy person so there is always something more I could do. On the other hand, I am quite a satisfied person in general so would say I’m pretty much always satisfied with my life 
9. What do you hope your future will be?
I hope my future will be one with a happy family and a job which I enjoy doing. My greatest hope is that there will always be people to welcome me home or run to donate their kidneys for me. My hope for the future is that it’s as interesting and happy and the life I lead now; though obviously different in areas such as marriage, children and career.
10. Describe your first love and your first kiss.
My first love: Now this was a great big mess, a guy who, it turned out, didn’t really care about me and was just a wizard with words. It was young love as we met when I was only fourteen, our on and off relationship continued until my current boyfriend, my then best friend, told me he liked me. My first love was mainly dominated by jealousy on both sides and very little trust. It taught me so much and it could be amazing at times but the bad times were horrendous. My first kiss: This was a dare set in a park after school, I kissed one of my good friends and I think I was about twelve at the time, we then proceeded to have a two/three day relationship which was part of the dare also. Good fun, the simple days of being young!
11. Turn on your music player, turn on shuffle and write the first ten songs it’ll play.
Now, I would like to note that the computer I have I have only had for a short while so there are not many songs at all, the ipad with my massive collection is with my boyfriend at the hospital, but anyway, here it goes: 1) Jessie J: Laserlight 2) Example: Midnight Run 3) Nelly: Over and Over 4) David Guetta: Turn Me On 4) Taylor Swift: Mine 5) Maroon 5: Moves Like Jagger 6) Seal: Kissed By a Rose 7) Charlene Soraia: Wherever You May Go (it sounds like she has a lisp when she sings ‘wherever’) 8) RJ Helton: Missing Me 9) Baz Luhmann: Everybody’s Free (please please listen to this, it is so amazing) 10) Usher: Climax
I made this kind of a game for me and pressed next on my keyboard and tried to guess them, did pretty well
12. Describe your whole day in short notes.
Wake up at 6am as boyfriend’s going to the hospital
Pat about after him before he has to leave
Blog, facebook, tetris
Mostly blogging and reading blogs
Make noodles
Tea and cookie
Telephone: He’s coming back in only an hour!
Get ciggarettes
NOTE: I am pretty much always highly unproductive!
13. Which country would you like to visit or move in?
I actually had this massive world map on my wall at university and me and my boyfriend did little symbols in different colours on places we had been and placed we’d like to go. I practically raped the map with the my symbol for where I wanted to go! Here’s a short list: China, America, Dubai, North/ South Pole, Africa, India, New Zealand, the list is pretty much endless!
 
Right, I’m a bit bored of these question things now and feel like I’m just rushing them a bit, to be honest I can’t be still for anything, I know he’s coming home in a matter of minutes and I just can’t keep it together, I am so excited!