There’s jizz on my bed. I wasn’t in the room. Wednesday, Oct 3 2012 

I think the title pretty much speaks for itself…however, I shall continue to tell the full story of how this scarring experience occurred…

Last night me and a load of friends went out, one of them was a housemate of mine. Anyway, we went to a party at the university students union and got ridiculously drunk, like seriously, I didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Towards the end of the night me and my good friend, lets call him Sean, went back to mine as we wanted to continue raving somehow; this didn’t happen and we ended up getting pizza and trying to watch random shit on my computer.

My housemate soon arrived as I think she left before us but was in a different house. Anyway, she came into my room and we all watched stuff together. Then, for some reason that none of us can fathom we ended up in her room and were about to go to bed, now, this was a bit weird as it was the three of us in the bed. I fell asleep and woke up the next morning.

I was so fucking confused as she had re-arranged and tidied up her room so it was so different from the day before so when I woke up I was so completely disorientated and didn’t know where the fuck I was. However, I soon came to my senses and realized, now, I also realized that they were not in the bed, I didn’t think too much of it but did have a funny feeling. It was early and honestly I just wanted to get into my bed and go to sleep so I went upstairs to my room. Now, those of you who have read my blog about our bedroom doors (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/getting-locked-out-back-to-school-disco-and-being-a-lot-more-independant-than-i-origionally-anticipated/) will be aware that for some reason we have the kind of doors which lock automatically when they close. This was actually probably really lucky as I may have casually walked into my room if I didn’t have to knock to get in. When I knocked I heard voices and awkward giggling. That’s when I knew. They had done stuff in my room! I then had to do the awkward thing of waiting outside my room as they scrambled for their clothes.

Anyway, finally they opened the door and literally ran out with excuses and apologies, I just walked into my room saying this was far too awkward already and I was just going to go back to sleep. I heard my guy friend leave through the front door. I headed for my bed and was just about to get in when I saw it…the stains! There were very very clear wet patches on my bed! What the fuck!

I was in the process of being in shock when I got a knock on my bedroom door, Sean was back, he had forgotten his shoes and in the rush had simply run out of the house without them! Now, I wasn’t mad or anything but I jokingly began to shout at him about their being ‘fucking jizz’ on my bed! He said hurried apologies and ran out with one shoe on and one in his hand!

Now, I bet you’re thinking this can’t get much worse…it can.

So anyway, I’m still bloody tired and it is ridiculously early so I decide to get into bed after putting a cover over the guilty patches. I then began drifting to sleep. Now, I hate when there is something in my bed and I always move it because it fucking bugs me so when I felt something in the bed I proceeded to find whatever it was and remove it…it was my housemate’s underwear! Ugh! How awkward.

I threw the convicted underwear out of my bed and tried to get to sleep, however, peace alluded me and I ended up giving up and going downstairs. There, I find my housemate frantically running around looking for her stuff (leaving out of absolute and complete embarrassment), I flounce over to her and place the underwear I had brought down with me into her bag and go into the living room- here I find my other housemate, eyes wide and clearly dying to know what happened, I’m also absolutely killing to share my horrific story. Luckily the offending housemate leaves and we are free to gossip.

Soon after my other housemate comes down and is really confused why she heard a guy leaving my room in the early hours of the morning (I have a boyfriend of two years), so we get to tell her the story too!

Today I also remembered that the housemate who christened my bed also got with my other friend early on that night! She also thinks the affair in the bed meant a lot more than it did. My guy friend is buying me new sheets and is forever to give me drinks in clubs.

Now, the key elements of this story I believe are

A) I didn’t fucking get to christen my own bed with my own boyfriend

B) We tried to flip the mattress and found there were period stains on the other side (me and my housemate discussed which we thought was worse for me to sleep on, I’m still rather undecided, what do you guys think?)

C) The girl literally had to do nothing! I got the guy to the house.

D) She got laid and I got a pizza from him- I’m like the fucking fat ugly friend in this scenario

E) Why didn’t she simply wake me up and tell me to leave her room? She could have even said I was snoring or something, hence, it wouldn’t seem too weird.

Regardless, I do feel rather scarred by this experience and hope it befalls no one else. Also, I would really like to convey the message that I would have liked to christen my bed and if you have a bedroom in the same house as the one you are at it is ridiculously odd to have sex in another persons bedroom.

Traumatized I now need to sleep in this bed. On the bright side, I do love how things like this happen and are just damn hilarious!

Grace x

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Did I pick the wrong house? Monday, Oct 1 2012 

Last night I walked into pre-drinks and everyone literally jumped up and pushed people out of the way to hug me. It was the best thing ever and it was absolutely amazing that so many people wanted to spend time with me!

Meanwhile, two of my flatmates had decided, last minute, that they weren’t going out and didn’t even bother to tell me. The one who did come left early.

I’d be allowed to smoke in the other house and the people there seem to appreciate me way more- why did I choose to live with these other people who hang about doing nothing all day and don’t seem all that bothered about me?

Anyway, they want to go to a club tomorrow but the other people are going to a different one, I’m going to go to the different one as I just think it will be heaps more fun and I won’t be having to leave when I feel my night hasn’t even begun yet!

I miss my halls from last year, they were a fucking ball! I don’t know, maybe it’s just the first few days and I’m just settling in. At least the other people only live about two minutes away so I guess I can go there anytime. It just sucks to not be comfortable in your own house.

On a brighter note, tomorrow is going to be AMAZING, and I get to go out with one of my guy best-friends who I didn’t get to see all summer and who is absolutely fantastic. Also, I’m really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend on Friday which I’m sure will be great, I do miss having him around all the time but it’s also lovely to be in a house which is mine.

Tomorrow I’m going to go do some food shopping and get myself more together.

Also, I have a gecko and well, he was car sick on the way here! How weird is that! I thought he was dying and his insides were coming out and nearly lobbed him out of the window! Luckily I realized it was vomited up worms. How odd though, I didn’t know geckos could throw up, I know that may sound really stupid but you don’t exactly expect that!

I am so excited for tomorrow! Also, I feel like I’m actually doing something with my life as I am going to sort out my university lectures and get some folders together. I am really excited for tomorrow!

Grace x

“Reasons why I would never EVER have sex with you” Monday, Sep 10 2012 

So, I was reading this awesome blog called http://reasonswhyimstillsingle.wordpress.com/ which is basically this guy stating all the hilarious reasons why he’s single and it reminded me of a drunken conversation I had with my male friend, lets call him Jack, a few weeks ago.

Basically, Jack was rather hammered and everyone else had gone home (because we’re awesomely hardcore and they we tired- well, actually I’d arrived late as I had slept all day, had already thrown up and had drank my body weight in vodka-red bulls and Jack, well, he’s like 20 ft. so I guess it would take a lot to get him nackered from alcohol).

Drunkenly I say: “We would be such an awesome couple if we liked each other, we always have bundles of fun and we wouldn’t have the whole sex complication.”

Jack’s lovely response to this was “Oh God! I would never EVER have sex with you!”

“Excuse me! Why exactly would YOU not have sex with ME!?”

(Yes, my ego is slightly inflated. Drunk? I think I’m a bloody goddess)

To this Jack responded with a very accurate and rather long list:

– I’ve seen you throw up pink rice, try to crawl away from it, fall into it and continue throwing up.

– You think that the solution to your throwing up with a hangover is to go out and drink more resulting in an even worse session the next day

– You’ve thrown up on me

– You’ve gone to hospital because you were so drunk and tried to attack the nurse

– You got arrested for trying to beat up a 6 ft guy because he was in your way in a club

– You think that not showering for days is acceptable

– You’ve come to my house with vomit in your hair

– I’ve seen you get angry and throw your heels at your boyfriend

– You always seem to be escorted out of clubs rather than leaving them

– I once found you passed out in a bush outside my house

– Your room smells like someone’s shat in it and there’s food from weeks and weeks ago in it

– I’ve seen you running around naked at a house party when you had a period pad on

I’m pretty sure there was more but I can’t remember all of them. Bare in mind these are only the reasons he wouldn’t go out with me due to alcohol. My god, there must be hundreds more.

How do I even have a boyfriend?

Grace x

Some more fantastic! Tuesday, Aug 21 2012 

I stopped doing the last one as I felt it was getting a bit long, when it was published I realised it wasn’t at all! I’m really enjoying this question business, if you want the full list and where it came from just go on the post named ‘Fantastic’ there’s a link to the blogger who had it on their page
6. Write thirty interesting facts about yourself.
1) I can speak fluent Russian 2) I have a weird growth growing on my foot which feels like an extra bone 3) I have my boyfriend’s name tattooed on the inside of my right foot (‘ Well, this seemed like a good idea’ is the title of that post) 4) I have a gecko which I bought because I was bored one day 5) I love reading and Margaret Atwood’s ‘Orix and Crake’ is my favourite book 6) I don’t leave clubs, I get thrown out of clubs 7) I’ve been arrested for trying to beat up a guy who was about 6’5 when I was drunk (I’m 5’4) 8) I used to do a lot of cross country running 9) I get on significantly better with girls than I do guys 10) One of my back teeth is split in half because one of the recent times I went clubbing a group of guys fighting fell onto me and smashed it and I haven’t been to the dentist yet 11) I had sex for the first time when I was 16 and it was on Christmas Eve 12) I’m a bit of a private nudist, by which I mean I don’t really wear clothes when I’m by myself or with the boyfriend 13) I’ve been told I have a weirdly high sex drive 14) When I was little I cracked my head open while chasing our pet parrot 15) I would love to present one of those historical documentaries, but not one of the boring ones 16) Even when the fridge is stacked full of yummy food I prefer the 11p noodles from Tesco’s 17) I never liked Indian food until I worked in an Indian restaurant for 3 months (after this time I was fired, more on this in a different post I promise its hilarious) 18) (Not going to lie, getting a bit stuck now) I’m allergic to many many many things (cats, feathered pillows, dust, dogs, some creams, that paste you can put on your legs to make your hair fall out, the list just goes on and on) 19) I love reading in the toilet, even when I’m not using it, I’m not entirely sure why 20) I have broken many electrical devises due to bringing them into the bathroom while I wash 21) I can blow really good smoke rings 22) I can be a wide variety of personalities when drunk, for example: angry, loving, horny, bitchy etc. 23) When I got my A-level results (ABB) and realised I wasn’t going to get into the universities I had applied to I got rather drunk and had to call various other universities in a bit of a drunken stupor, somehow I still managed to get into a very good one 24) When drawing stick men mine always seem to have penises as I make their bodies too long and put their legs too high up 25) When I was younger I used to think I could sing and wanted to be a pop star, one night I had my headphones in and must of been singing away (beautifully I believe) when my dad burst shouting “are you all right why were you screaming” 26) I was too terrified to use tampons until a few months ago 27) I fantasise/ daydream a lot… I really hope some of those come true! 28) Somehow, my current boyfriend has managed to make me like days in bed hugging way more than going out 29) I want to get married and have kids in my early 20’s 30) BLOGGING AND READING BLOGS IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!