I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday Thursday, Mar 7 2013 

I don’t feel like he really wants me around I mean, sure, he’ll say I’m welcome, he won’t say no to me coming but he won’t explicitly ask me to come. It’s getting to the point where it’s a bit ridiculous now. He seems perfectly content not to see me for two weeks and, since it will be the Easter break then, it will only really be with other people except for night time.

I just want him to be the one ringing me and asking me to come over, the one who sits wondering what he’s doing. I can’t even really talk to him as it always turns into an argument and he just doesn’t understand at all- he’s felt needed and wanted everyday for over two years. I’m not sure what percentage of that can be said for me; but it’s not high.

I want to go see him today, and I know I can, but now we’re in a bad mood with each other and the pub is looking like a much more fun option.

The reception cut out while we were arguing on the phone and he still hasn’t rang back- who am I kidding, I’m clearly going to be the one that rings him, my resolve is pathetic.

I wonder what it’s like to be wanted everyday.

Grace

x

‘Facials’ – And not the £40 spa kind Monday, Dec 24 2012 

sperm

In this month’s Cosmopolitan there was an article about what men like to do in bed that women have mixed feelings about. Amongst the obvious threesomes and anal exploration one aspect of this article focused on ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Now, this caught my eye as a few months ago my boyfriend asked me to do it when he was drunk and it has since happened a few more times (including last night after our argument- well, that’s one way to shorten his annoyance with me).

Within the article the discussion focused around whether or not this act was degrading to women. When I looked further into the topic the aspect of degradation continued to appear with great prevalence.

Now, the question which popped into my mind was- if this is degrading surely other sexual acts can also be deemed as degrading to women? Some examples which came to mind are doggy, jizzing on boobs and spanking. I also tried to think of what acts could be seen as sexually degrading to mean and couldn’t think any to name. Turning to the trusted Google search I was also fruitless in any sexual acts which were stated as sexually degrading to men.

It appears only women can be degraded and only acts men can do are sexually degrading. Blow jobs were often high on degradation lists, however licking a woman out appears to be seen as a sign of a guy who cares about you and your pleasure. It seems only women can be degraded and there isn’t really anything which can typically degrade a men.

Personally I do not think any of these acts are degrading. I think the concept that many women would do acts they find degrading to men is degrading. Women have a choice and they do not typically need to do anything they do not want to do. I have done all the acts discussed and never felt degraded.

I think degradation comes from much deeper roots than the act you are preforming- for example, from being forced to do something you are not comfortable with.

I think you should do whatever you and your partner are happy with. Stop thinking about whether you are being degraded and instead consider whether you yourself are against these acts- that’s what truly matters.
Of course this is only my personal opinion- what do you readers think?

Grace x

There’s jizz on my bed. I wasn’t in the room. Wednesday, Oct 3 2012 

I think the title pretty much speaks for itself…however, I shall continue to tell the full story of how this scarring experience occurred…

Last night me and a load of friends went out, one of them was a housemate of mine. Anyway, we went to a party at the university students union and got ridiculously drunk, like seriously, I didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Towards the end of the night me and my good friend, lets call him Sean, went back to mine as we wanted to continue raving somehow; this didn’t happen and we ended up getting pizza and trying to watch random shit on my computer.

My housemate soon arrived as I think she left before us but was in a different house. Anyway, she came into my room and we all watched stuff together. Then, for some reason that none of us can fathom we ended up in her room and were about to go to bed, now, this was a bit weird as it was the three of us in the bed. I fell asleep and woke up the next morning.

I was so fucking confused as she had re-arranged and tidied up her room so it was so different from the day before so when I woke up I was so completely disorientated and didn’t know where the fuck I was. However, I soon came to my senses and realized, now, I also realized that they were not in the bed, I didn’t think too much of it but did have a funny feeling. It was early and honestly I just wanted to get into my bed and go to sleep so I went upstairs to my room. Now, those of you who have read my blog about our bedroom doors (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/getting-locked-out-back-to-school-disco-and-being-a-lot-more-independant-than-i-origionally-anticipated/) will be aware that for some reason we have the kind of doors which lock automatically when they close. This was actually probably really lucky as I may have casually walked into my room if I didn’t have to knock to get in. When I knocked I heard voices and awkward giggling. That’s when I knew. They had done stuff in my room! I then had to do the awkward thing of waiting outside my room as they scrambled for their clothes.

Anyway, finally they opened the door and literally ran out with excuses and apologies, I just walked into my room saying this was far too awkward already and I was just going to go back to sleep. I heard my guy friend leave through the front door. I headed for my bed and was just about to get in when I saw it…the stains! There were very very clear wet patches on my bed! What the fuck!

I was in the process of being in shock when I got a knock on my bedroom door, Sean was back, he had forgotten his shoes and in the rush had simply run out of the house without them! Now, I wasn’t mad or anything but I jokingly began to shout at him about their being ‘fucking jizz’ on my bed! He said hurried apologies and ran out with one shoe on and one in his hand!

Now, I bet you’re thinking this can’t get much worse…it can.

So anyway, I’m still bloody tired and it is ridiculously early so I decide to get into bed after putting a cover over the guilty patches. I then began drifting to sleep. Now, I hate when there is something in my bed and I always move it because it fucking bugs me so when I felt something in the bed I proceeded to find whatever it was and remove it…it was my housemate’s underwear! Ugh! How awkward.

I threw the convicted underwear out of my bed and tried to get to sleep, however, peace alluded me and I ended up giving up and going downstairs. There, I find my housemate frantically running around looking for her stuff (leaving out of absolute and complete embarrassment), I flounce over to her and place the underwear I had brought down with me into her bag and go into the living room- here I find my other housemate, eyes wide and clearly dying to know what happened, I’m also absolutely killing to share my horrific story. Luckily the offending housemate leaves and we are free to gossip.

Soon after my other housemate comes down and is really confused why she heard a guy leaving my room in the early hours of the morning (I have a boyfriend of two years), so we get to tell her the story too!

Today I also remembered that the housemate who christened my bed also got with my other friend early on that night! She also thinks the affair in the bed meant a lot more than it did. My guy friend is buying me new sheets and is forever to give me drinks in clubs.

Now, the key elements of this story I believe are

A) I didn’t fucking get to christen my own bed with my own boyfriend

B) We tried to flip the mattress and found there were period stains on the other side (me and my housemate discussed which we thought was worse for me to sleep on, I’m still rather undecided, what do you guys think?)

C) The girl literally had to do nothing! I got the guy to the house.

D) She got laid and I got a pizza from him- I’m like the fucking fat ugly friend in this scenario

E) Why didn’t she simply wake me up and tell me to leave her room? She could have even said I was snoring or something, hence, it wouldn’t seem too weird.

Regardless, I do feel rather scarred by this experience and hope it befalls no one else. Also, I would really like to convey the message that I would have liked to christen my bed and if you have a bedroom in the same house as the one you are at it is ridiculously odd to have sex in another persons bedroom.

Traumatized I now need to sleep in this bed. On the bright side, I do love how things like this happen and are just damn hilarious!

Grace x

“What makes your problems bigger than everyone elses?” “They’re mine.” Tuesday, Oct 2 2012 

Yet another brilliant quote from Ally McBeal, that show should really be given for bloggers with writer’s block to watch! Anyway, this quote got me thinking…I mean, essentially, if you think about it, all the problems anyone who is reading this (and hence can get to a computer with an internet connection) really has no problems whatsoever in comparison to about 70% of the world’s population who have real problems, you know, hunger, homelessness ect. Now, even thinking about this it does make so many problems seem pointless and stupid, I mean, I worry about my boyfriend breaking up with me when there are people worrying if their children will come back from digging in gutters for food or plastic to sell. Perspective aye.

On the other hand, I do also believe that everyone’s problems are relative, I mean, for some it’s poverty and for others it’s being rejected for a promotion. I know the two are in no way similar in terms of severity but I do believe that for those who haven’t experienced true problems something like the lack of a promotion could feel like the biggest problem in the world. Essentially, feelings are relative and the thing is, you are the center of your world, hence, I think, your problems do of course seem like something absolutely tragic is happening to you. I think the reality is that you know that your problems aren’t that big in the lager sense of things but because they are yours and are happening to you, do seem like world problems every time.

Well, that’s just my opinion? What does everyone else think about the topic of problems and relativity?

Grace x

Getting locked out, back to school disco and being a lot more independant than I origionally anticipated Monday, Oct 1 2012 

1st by title and also my first issue today was that I got locked out of my bedroom…not my house, my bedroom! Basically, the doors we have for our bedrooms lock automatically if they are closed (like the typical front door), hence, when I tried to pop to the bathroom and the wind smashed my door shut I was left in the corridor (strangely our front door does not lock automatically and it needs to be locked on both leaving and entering the house). Anyway, this really annoyed me as I had a long list of things to do today. Also, I like to have some time by myself and I am not a fan of constantly being downstairs with housemates. I mean, of course they are lovely people but a person needs their space you know. Anyway, I called the landlord and he said he would be over within the hour, he then rang back to say he would be there in seven whole hours! Finally, that time has arrived, well, he was late, but luckily I have finally got into my room and am so damn happy!

I also can’t wait to go out tonight, I love the ‘back to school’ disco theme where everyone dresses up in school uniform! Also, I am quite intrigued to see what it’s going to be like, I mean, it’s a freshers event where everyone is essentially desperately trying to make friends, being a happy second year is going to be quite nice…this does in no way mean I am not going to get absolutely off the handle drunk!

Lastly, I feel very content and happy with myself. I thought I’d be a wreck being away from my boyfriend after living with him all summer- however, I am thoroughly enjoying the company of others, my own space and life in general! This makes me feel really good about myself as it is always nice to know that although you love someone you are able to function without them. I think it’s also quite healthy that we have this week apart with our friends and getting back into the swing of things…this does in no way mean I am not crazy excited about seeing him on the weekend!

Grace x

Am I spoiled goods? Monday, Sep 24 2012 

I was thinking about this last night, albiet, after a few glasses of wine (I couldn’t sleep, sue me).

The thing is, I think my boyfriend is absolutely wonderful, he’s all up for seeing me all the time, moved in, visits me like crazy when we’re at university (yes, they are close but still); takes me on holidays; does little gestures; is great in bed (and balconies, parks etc.) and is just generally amazing. The thing I was thinking was, will I find others this amazing? Will they be amazing in other ways? Will I inadvertedly put ridiculous expectations on them?

Do you lovely people think that a person can, in a respect, spoil you so much that future relationships won’t compete?

The thing is, I know it’s a ridiculous thought as essentially most people will think that the person they are in love with is the best person ever and will think that others won’t measure up (ha, this could be a whole other topic). I know it’s silly but hey, it’s a thought…

Grace x

 

 

‘One true measure of a person is how much he or she hurts others.’ Sunday, Sep 23 2012 

I literally just heard this quote on Ally McBeal right now, and it really resonated with me. The fact is, if you’re a good person you will hurt others when you break up with them, move, die etc. It’s odd how the people who are the best often cause the most pain, the most heartache, the most worry. It’s strange how those who are bad and actively seek to hurt people will rarely be able to hurt someone as much as a loved one is able to hurt them. The fact that you have the potential to hurt someone demonstrates your good qualities- it shows that people care for you, perhaps because you’re family, because you’re a good friend or just generally a good person. Funny isn’t it, how those who want to hurt people the least do it the most. Nevertheless, the pain they bring is not of the pointless kind that bad people bring, good people bring the pain that reminds us of their goodness, kindness and love- it is a pain that makes it abundantly clear to us how much we love them and how much they love us.

Grace x

Love and sex when you’re ill Sunday, Sep 23 2012 

So, my boyfriend came home to a very ill Grace last night, he was amazing, he let me watch any crap that I wanted and just took care of me in such an amazing way. Sadly, he too is ill now, in fact, as I type he is snoring right beside me.

Now, the theme of this blog is how illnesses effect love and sex. I do not mean any serious illnesses such as cancer as I feel that I cannot truly comment on something I have not myself experienced, but illnesses such as the common cold. In terms of a cold I think my boyfriend can be a bit of a sissy…he is definitely someone you can put in the ‘man-flu’ category: You know, complaining, bad mood, incessant whining and the expectation that you have to do everything for him (I know he exaggerates but still end up being his nurse and maid when he has a touch of the sniffles- sorry feminism). However, it seems that in this strange turn of events he has simply become gentle, kind and very very cuddly- I like this kind of illness in him.

I, too, seem to have become very complimentary, cuddly and generally ridiculously nice. It’s odd how we seem to have spent the whole day with compliments replacing banter: maybe we just don’t have the energy for witty insults today.

Now…onto the sex! The sex yesterday was fucking AMAZING! I mean proper AMAZING. I don’t know why but I just felt so sensitive to his touch and I just wanted him so much and he wanted me. It was so hot…well, maybe that was just our mutual rise in body temperature…

I took off my top because I was boiling and he got hard, I touched and teased him throughout the evening. I had almost given up on anything happening when we said goodnight and began to spoon but then I though, hey, I want dick- now. I began rubbing his crotch properly and he got hard very quick. The rest is history…wait, the rest is biology.

However, for those of you who are aware that he had a hand injury…yesterday was the first time he was able to get on top. Hot hot hot! Finally, the weight of my guy on top of me, no wonder that I was thanking every cosmological power if I was a girl…the time I cumed in…lets just say that if I was a guy and my boyfriend was a girl he would be taking me to see a premature ejaculation therapist. God it’s good being a girl sometimes!

Grace x

Age of consent Saturday, Sep 22 2012 

I have been reading quite a lot on this topic as discussions approach about the UK changing its age of consent from 16 to 14. This topic got me thinking about the age of consent in other countries and how laws may differ worldwide.

I found the website http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm very helpful in my search for worldwide age of consent laws as it literally listed basically every country, their age of consent or if they did not have one. I found that the age of consent worldwide ranges from 12 to 21. This is a difference of nine years which in itself seems rather huge; however, when you consider the massive changes which occur to a person within these nine years the gap seems even larger.

Now, in terms of these ages I think that 12 is an absolutely shocking age to be having sex at. I mean, seriously, people having sex at 12!? I didn’t even so much as kiss a boy until I was 14 and even that was a fucking dare and lasted about a millisecond! It cannot possibly be healthy in any way to begin having sex at 12, I mean, I wasn’t even trusted to go out past about 7 so how on earth could I be trusted to make such an important decision as loosing my virginity. I genuinely think that at 12 you are a child and cannot at all comprehend and understand how to make this kind of decision. Also, at 12 you will not realistically have any strong and lasting feelings for someone you are going to have sex with and sleeping with people you don’t see yourself being with is a much more grown up and complicated issue than something you can deal with at the age of 12!

Whilst on the subject of this ridiculously low age of consent I would also like to make the comment that in Columbia the age of consent is 12 only for girls, yet boys can only have sex at 14. What does this mean? Who would these 12 year old girls be having sex with, boys at least two years older than them (which at that age is a huge age gap)? is it suggesting that girls are more responsible? I really don’t know what to make of this. The only conclusion I can really come to is that in many underdeveloped countries (such as Guatemala and Indonesia- which both also have different ages of consent for boys and girls [Guatemala: 14 for girls and 16 for boys. Indonesia: 16 for girls and 19 for boys], girls are typically expected to get married very early and to an older man who can help provide for her family. Either way, I am completely dumbfounded by this discovery.

On another note, I leant that in some countries the age of consent is only valid if you are married, an example of this is Bahrain which has its age of consent at 15 or the time of marriage. 15, to me personally, also seems to be a very low age to loose ones virginity. Also, the implication that it can be earlier if you marry earlier seems rather scary and filled with images of young girls being married of older men.

However, although I am, to an extent, stating that these ages of consent seem far too low I also discovered some rather unrealistic ideals. For example, may countries state that they simply do not allow sex before marriage, for example: Saudi Arabia and Qatar. Now, whilst I am not going to be a virgin when I get married this does seem to be a lovely idea and I think that if it was upheld by personal desires rather than religious stigma it would be an amazing thing to do. Nevertheless, although these countries are obviously rich in religious views it does seem to be rather idealistic and unrealistic to expect only the married to have sex. I also think it is rather ridiculous to punish consenting adults for having sex simply because they are not married. Personally, in the words of Samantha Jones (‘Sex and the City’ and yes, I know this isn’t exactly the intellectual quote I should be putting in this post): “Before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!” This, I believe is completely true, both with sex and with living together!

Additionally, countries with the age of consent at the high age of 21, such as Cameroon, also seem rather unfathomable. I mean, yes, I agree that people should wait but I also think that if the age of consent is unrealistically high people will simply ignore it as ‘just one of those laws’, you know, the ones that are there but no one really listens to.

In conclusion, I believe that the age of consent is definitely a very difficult thing to determine: set too low it gives the impression that children having sex is promoted (‘Brave New World’ anyone?), set it too high and it will not be something that people even try to aspire to. The thing is, I do think that essentially it is not the age that a person has sex at that really matters, it’s the reasons why they are having sex. Of course, this does not mean that 12 year olds ‘in love’ should be having sex, I just simply mean that I think that some people mature earlier than others and for some sex at 16 will be the right thing whereas for others the right thing to do will be to wait until 20, 25 or even marriage. At the end of the day, to each is own (apart from 12 year old’s ‘in love’).

Personally, I think that below 16 is a ridiculous age to have sex but that waiting till after marriage is not going to do you any favors as sex is a large part of your relationship with someone.

I would genuinely love any input that anyone has on this matter whatever your views may be.

Grace x

Your mood Tuesday, Sep 18 2012 

We’re happy, laughing, there is joy all around.

Nothing bad happens but all of a sudden you’re in a bad mood

You’re miserable, quite, there is sadness all around.

The thing is, when I ask you say it’s nothing…

Am I imagining it? This shift in mood? Am I going crazy?

I’m the one who pushes you into being in a mood I think…

My insistent asking must get annoying.

Just know that I love you and I worry because I never want anything to be wrong with you- and if there is, I want you to tell me. I’m sorry if I annoy you, I know it’s ridiculously counter-productive, but I just can’t seem to stop. I don’t know why this seems to be the only thing I don’t trust you on. Maybe I’m insecure? I don’t know. Just remember that I love you

Grace x

Next Page »