‘People say something happy after they think of something sad’ Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

My friend said this to me today as we were walking home today. Now, of course I denied that I had been thinking of anything sad when I randomly shouted ‘waheyyy, can’t wait for New Years!’

And yes, at first I thought this comment was rather cynical, however, when I thought about it, I found that it actually seemed rather correct. Who doesn’t want to replace sad thoughts with happy ones?

Grace x

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Your mood Tuesday, Sep 18 2012 

We’re happy, laughing, there is joy all around.

Nothing bad happens but all of a sudden you’re in a bad mood

You’re miserable, quite, there is sadness all around.

The thing is, when I ask you say it’s nothing…

Am I imagining it? This shift in mood? Am I going crazy?

I’m the one who pushes you into being in a mood I think…

My insistent asking must get annoying.

Just know that I love you and I worry because I never want anything to be wrong with you- and if there is, I want you to tell me. I’m sorry if I annoy you, I know it’s ridiculously counter-productive, but I just can’t seem to stop. I don’t know why this seems to be the only thing I don’t trust you on. Maybe I’m insecure? I don’t know. Just remember that I love you

Grace x

Fear Sunday, Sep 9 2012 

The fear that he will leave is immeasurable,

Everything’s fine, I know I’m happy.

You can’t get into people’s heads though.

Maybe he isn’t that happy,

Maybe he’ll find someone else,

Maybe the things he says are cute will get annoying,

Maybe I’ll exaggerate a situation and break up with him,

Maybe the worrying will drive him away.

I don’t know why I worry so much,

I’ve got through it before so presumably I can do it again.

I worry that all our friends will take his side,

I worry he’ll find someone else,

I worry I’ll see him with a girl,

I worry he’ll forget and I’ll be the only one hurting,

I worry everything will fall apart.

All this could be stupid.

All this could be true.

Grace x

An interesting and confusing tea Saturday, Sep 8 2012 

Today I’ve been rather bored in the day so agreed to go to coffee with a guy who used to be a good friend of mine but has recently begun to be a bit of a douche. You see, he started going to the gym; his dad gave him mass amounts of money; his dad got him a car; he grew his hair; he got good looking- so basically life is shining for him right now. However, in groups of people he always feels the need to discuss how ‘toned’ and ‘ripped’ he is becoming and how he has so much money- this, as you can imagine, would highly annoy those of us who have eaten crap all year and have finished our over drafts. He also got a rather attractive girlfriend which made his ego even bigger and he became obsessed with bragging about how ‘whipped’ she was; how she would do anything for him and how he had even cheated on her and she forgave him basically instantly because he was her God.

Anyway, this guy goes to the same university as me but I don’t really see him much unless I’m home as we live very far away from each other at university and have completely different friends. I felt like I hadn’t really seen or spoken to him much this summer and I felt that as he was one of my best friends before university I should really have a catch up with him, plus, him and his girlfriend had just broken up.

We went for tea at a local cafe and chatted, it was actually really nice, I mean, he didn’t really brag about money and brought up the fitness thing in a minimal way. Also, his egotistical things were said with humour rather than with condescension. In fact, I had a really good time with him, we laughed and shared stories and talked about his break up and my relationship. It was absolutely lovely and I’m glad I met up with him.

The thing that puzzled me however was the way in which his girlfriend saw him. Now, I know love is said to be blind, forgiving etc. etc. but come on girl; there has to be a limit! He showed me these texts from her which literally called him her God; others said she hadn’t moved out of bed in days and others that she could never let him go and that she hadn’t yet stopped crying. Now, I understand that heartbreak is horrific but I just don’t understand why she put up with his bullshit for this long- he never called; he cheated on her numerous times; he had sex with her best friend; he had tried to break up with her numerous times; she had walked in on him having sex; he didn’t cuddle… the list just goes on!

Also, I never understand why some people feel the need to send these guilt filled and emotional texts to ex’s- now I know that it may help some but the thing is, a text is NOT going to make them come back to you, especially if they are truly pathetic ones. Also, if they do come back, would you want to be with them, you would then know they are with you out of pity.

I don’t know. I’m just confused how you could have so little self respect to allow yourself to be treated like that and then want more of it!

Also, I don’t understand why he bothered to be with her if he never liked her that much and was just going to cheat.

Grace x

Goodbyes (and a question of trust) Saturday, Sep 8 2012 

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One of the people I went camping left straight after to go back to university.

Yesterday two of the guys at the pub said their goodbyes as they’ve left today.

Tonight is a big group goodbye as I won’t see most of the people there till Christmas.

Tuesday is the last time we go to the pub which we always go to on Tuesdays.

It’s that time again, the time when everyone goes their separate ways to their universities and most of them I won’t see till Christmas which is so so sad. I got rather teary saying goodbye yesterday, I mean the time we were at the pub just seemed like the typical casual night but when we had to go our separate ways home it really hit me- I’m not going to see these guys for months.

I can’t imagine what it would be like if they left and I wasn’t going to university, it would just be absolutely horrendous! At least this way it’s not like I’m getting left behind. Me and Jeff will probably leave within a few days of each other and that will be great because I’ll still get to see him but it’s not going to be living together everyday as it has been this summer which is sad. I love waking up to him and I always fall asleep so much easier and faster when he’s holding me. Also, Judas is going to the same university as him and she’s conveniently chosen to be in his block which absolutely sucks. I really hope she gets her own friends and isn’t just with him everyday. I hope they don’t have private jokes together and I hope she doesn’t feel the need to be around whenever I visit.

Jeff said he’s getting me a little surprise present before I go and said he’s also taking me somewhere.

I’m in a very remembering mood right now and I’m just reminiscing over everything but at the same time I am so excited to go back to university. I’m excited for my new house and I’m excited not to have all mutual friends with Jeff as this can get very tricky in a relationship. I’m excited for the parties and the clothes sales. I’m excited to see my university friends and to hear about their summers. Strangely, I’m also excited to do work, I feel like I have done nothing particularly productive this summer at all and I miss the 2am stints in the library.

It’s also time for my daily question to you guys:

Question 6: Do you feel you are capable of completely trusting a person, I mean, what if everyone around you was saying things about them and it did seem like they were true, is there a person you would believe literally regardless of anything people said? Do you think it’s good to have that amount of trust in someone? If you do trust someone like this then who is it?

Answer 6: Well, I would say my family, but the thing is that seems a bit irrelevant to the question as no one I know is really going to say things to my family and it’s not like they and my friends go to the same places and chat all the time. I think this question relates more to friends and lovers. I mean, I think I do find it difficult to absolutely and completely trust anyone but in my defence there has always been a lot of drama and issues in my group so it can be difficult. In terms of Jeff I don’t know if I can answer this question without being in the situation, I think that he is the person I trust the most and I do think I would believe his word over the words of others unless I had a definite reason not to. I think the point that I would stop trusting him would be if I had difinative proof, for example a picture or actually catching him cheating on me, I really don’t think I would want to throw us away because of common rumours and I would never want to think that I broke up with him for no reason. However, if these rumours did keep surfacing there may be issues, I just think that in our relationship we’re very talkative and there would be ages and ages of us talking before we broke up over something like cheating rumours. I think it is good to be able to trust people but not in a blind way, even if you love someone you need to be able to look at the situation and not just believe them because you love them but because you love them and see that they are telling the truth. You cannot be blind with your trust and give it to people who don’t deserve it, but over all I do think that level of trust is brilliant and I wish I had more of it.

Grace x