Christmas is over Wednesday, Dec 26 2012 

I enjoyed the first cigarette today when I got back home from my nans house. They know I smoke and they smoke yet I don’t feel comfortable smoking there.

Kind of like sex…people know it happens but it isn’t mentioned.

Christmas was okay but I just wanted to get home, it seems that a lot of Christmas sentiments are made up really, it doesn’t feel like what happens is real. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wants to be there all that much and everyone just wants to get back to their respective houses. I think my family have branched into their own families and that’s where they really want to be.

Christmas was a lot better when I was younger. Now it’s filled with unsaid tensions.

I’m glad it’s done now and I can look forward to New Years Eve. That feels more real. That’s done with friends and it’s clear that if you’re invited people want you there, you’re not going to get an invite to a New Year’s Eve party out of some sort of family loyalty.

I don’t know if the whole argument with my boyfriend has blown over.

It wasn’t too bad this year but I am so glad Christmas is over

Grace x

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‘Facials’ – And not the £40 spa kind Monday, Dec 24 2012 

sperm

In this month’s Cosmopolitan there was an article about what men like to do in bed that women have mixed feelings about. Amongst the obvious threesomes and anal exploration one aspect of this article focused on ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Now, this caught my eye as a few months ago my boyfriend asked me to do it when he was drunk and it has since happened a few more times (including last night after our argument- well, that’s one way to shorten his annoyance with me).

Within the article the discussion focused around whether or not this act was degrading to women. When I looked further into the topic the aspect of degradation continued to appear with great prevalence.

Now, the question which popped into my mind was- if this is degrading surely other sexual acts can also be deemed as degrading to women? Some examples which came to mind are doggy, jizzing on boobs and spanking. I also tried to think of what acts could be seen as sexually degrading to mean and couldn’t think any to name. Turning to the trusted Google search I was also fruitless in any sexual acts which were stated as sexually degrading to men.

It appears only women can be degraded and only acts men can do are sexually degrading. Blow jobs were often high on degradation lists, however licking a woman out appears to be seen as a sign of a guy who cares about you and your pleasure. It seems only women can be degraded and there isn’t really anything which can typically degrade a men.

Personally I do not think any of these acts are degrading. I think the concept that many women would do acts they find degrading to men is degrading. Women have a choice and they do not typically need to do anything they do not want to do. I have done all the acts discussed and never felt degraded.

I think degradation comes from much deeper roots than the act you are preforming- for example, from being forced to do something you are not comfortable with.

I think you should do whatever you and your partner are happy with. Stop thinking about whether you are being degraded and instead consider whether you yourself are against these acts- that’s what truly matters.
Of course this is only my personal opinion- what do you readers think?

Grace x

Everything has a price and prices are everything Sunday, Dec 23 2012 

“You can’t buy it, but it has a price,” said Oryx. “Everything has a price.” 

-Margaret Atwood, ‘Oryx and Crake’

I love Oryx and Crake, it is definately one of my favourite books and if anyone if a fan of destopian novels and has not read it- well, I’d say run, run to your nearest bookstore or to your purse to buy it online. It’s amazing.

Anyway, tonight I found myself reaching for this book and flicking through it, just remembering reading it and how amazed I was by it- then the above quote jumped out at me. It is so applicable, I mean, of course in the destopian context it would make sense, but even now, in such a consumer concerned world, not all things with a price can be bought.

Now, thinking about it, it appears that this quote can be taken in three ways

A) You simply cannot buy certain things, for example, no matter how much money you have, you cannot buy your way into a society who is made up of those who have spent their lives there (very Great Gatsby I know)

B) Some things don’t cost money but do cost a different kind of price (sex seems to jump to mind)

C) Whatever we have comes at a price

All of these seem highly applicable. In disucssion of point A, when you actually think about it there is an endless list of things you can buy to get closer to that something you cannot buy:

– Respect: of course money can bring a degree of respect, such as you would have for your employer, however, it is not a true kind of respect as you would have for someone who is say a brilliant parent

– Love: You can try all you want, but essentially the more you throw money at love the less ‘love’ the love becomes

– Experiances: Yes, you can fund amazing experiances and do all you wish with your loved ones but me and my boyfriend has a brilliant day sitting in bed  eating one 11p noodles and 90p chicken nuggets!

In terms of point B:

Sometimes money just isn’t what people want. Think, Russia at the beginning of the 90’s- people were often paid in produce for their work as that is what is ultimately wanted. Sometimes money is just money which is essentially just paper, which is essentially a tree which cost money to cut down so it could be made into money (fascinating stuf eh?)

…And point C:

Try doing anything without some sort of concequences

” You can try to ignore the facts, but everything will always have a price, even if you can’t understand what that price is yet’

-Grace Port, WordPress.com

Grace x

When drunk, apparently I become a porn star… Wednesday, Oct 10 2012 

I have neglected my blog I know, I’ve actually been pretty pathetic with it. I thought I would actually be a lot better with it when my boyfriend wasn’t living with me but I guess I’ve just been busy- at least ya’ll know I’ve been having a good time. Anyway, the first story that I’m going to share today happened a few days ago when I visited my boyfriend at his university. I went up on the Thursday and we went out on Friday night. Now, usually, we end up getting into some sort of drunk argument but Friday went without a hitch and was an absolutely great night! We got so so soooo drunk. So drunk even that when we came back to his he said that he was too drunk to actually get his dick up- being the trooper I am I decided this was not a statement but more, a challenge. So off I went with my usual hand and mouth motions. I’m not exactly sure what happened next but, well, things got pretty dirty.

He was crouching so his balls were literally completely covering my face and I was under him sucking away, during this he started to toss himself off which I thought was ridiculously hot so told him to carry on when he made me do it. I kept stopping him whenever I felt that he was close as I just wanted it to carry on. I don’t know what it was but it was the loss of inhibitions that I really was enjoying, I mean, he was telling me the things he wanted to do and how good things felt and I just loved it.

I was licking his balls all over while he groaned. I liked the fact that he had the control to slip his dick into my mouth when he wanted to or push me down when he wanted some more ball lovin’. This continued for a while until he said ‘I want to cum on your face.’ This was hot. He had never said that before and had never done it, I mean, mouth, tits, pussy etc. he’d done, but never actually on my face. I didn’t hear him the first time he said it so I asked him to repeat himself. I think a little of his inhibition wore off then as he rolled off me and started to cuddle…’what?’ I asked ‘why have you gone away? You just said you wanted to cum on my face’ (I am never ever this forward, and neither is he, I don’t even know how he managed to ask).

‘Well, you can’t really ask someone that…’ Comes his reply

‘You can ask me anything’ (I believe this is what broke down any kind of ‘treat her like a lady’ premise he may have held).

So then began my one woman porn star act. I got dick slapped, yes, on my face, dick slapped repeatedly and was actually informed the next morning that I enjoyed it as I was making noises…now, in this scenario I do believe I could have been making noises for more porn star quality or, the more likely option, I think I enjoyed him taking so much charge. Guys in charge are haaawwwtttt!

Anyway, this continued for quite some time, I think I got very little attention that night but I did learn that I quite like balls in my face and that my point about drunk sex has been solidified even more.

Grace x

 

There’s jizz on my bed. I wasn’t in the room. Wednesday, Oct 3 2012 

I think the title pretty much speaks for itself…however, I shall continue to tell the full story of how this scarring experience occurred…

Last night me and a load of friends went out, one of them was a housemate of mine. Anyway, we went to a party at the university students union and got ridiculously drunk, like seriously, I didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Towards the end of the night me and my good friend, lets call him Sean, went back to mine as we wanted to continue raving somehow; this didn’t happen and we ended up getting pizza and trying to watch random shit on my computer.

My housemate soon arrived as I think she left before us but was in a different house. Anyway, she came into my room and we all watched stuff together. Then, for some reason that none of us can fathom we ended up in her room and were about to go to bed, now, this was a bit weird as it was the three of us in the bed. I fell asleep and woke up the next morning.

I was so fucking confused as she had re-arranged and tidied up her room so it was so different from the day before so when I woke up I was so completely disorientated and didn’t know where the fuck I was. However, I soon came to my senses and realized, now, I also realized that they were not in the bed, I didn’t think too much of it but did have a funny feeling. It was early and honestly I just wanted to get into my bed and go to sleep so I went upstairs to my room. Now, those of you who have read my blog about our bedroom doors (https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/getting-locked-out-back-to-school-disco-and-being-a-lot-more-independant-than-i-origionally-anticipated/) will be aware that for some reason we have the kind of doors which lock automatically when they close. This was actually probably really lucky as I may have casually walked into my room if I didn’t have to knock to get in. When I knocked I heard voices and awkward giggling. That’s when I knew. They had done stuff in my room! I then had to do the awkward thing of waiting outside my room as they scrambled for their clothes.

Anyway, finally they opened the door and literally ran out with excuses and apologies, I just walked into my room saying this was far too awkward already and I was just going to go back to sleep. I heard my guy friend leave through the front door. I headed for my bed and was just about to get in when I saw it…the stains! There were very very clear wet patches on my bed! What the fuck!

I was in the process of being in shock when I got a knock on my bedroom door, Sean was back, he had forgotten his shoes and in the rush had simply run out of the house without them! Now, I wasn’t mad or anything but I jokingly began to shout at him about their being ‘fucking jizz’ on my bed! He said hurried apologies and ran out with one shoe on and one in his hand!

Now, I bet you’re thinking this can’t get much worse…it can.

So anyway, I’m still bloody tired and it is ridiculously early so I decide to get into bed after putting a cover over the guilty patches. I then began drifting to sleep. Now, I hate when there is something in my bed and I always move it because it fucking bugs me so when I felt something in the bed I proceeded to find whatever it was and remove it…it was my housemate’s underwear! Ugh! How awkward.

I threw the convicted underwear out of my bed and tried to get to sleep, however, peace alluded me and I ended up giving up and going downstairs. There, I find my housemate frantically running around looking for her stuff (leaving out of absolute and complete embarrassment), I flounce over to her and place the underwear I had brought down with me into her bag and go into the living room- here I find my other housemate, eyes wide and clearly dying to know what happened, I’m also absolutely killing to share my horrific story. Luckily the offending housemate leaves and we are free to gossip.

Soon after my other housemate comes down and is really confused why she heard a guy leaving my room in the early hours of the morning (I have a boyfriend of two years), so we get to tell her the story too!

Today I also remembered that the housemate who christened my bed also got with my other friend early on that night! She also thinks the affair in the bed meant a lot more than it did. My guy friend is buying me new sheets and is forever to give me drinks in clubs.

Now, the key elements of this story I believe are

A) I didn’t fucking get to christen my own bed with my own boyfriend

B) We tried to flip the mattress and found there were period stains on the other side (me and my housemate discussed which we thought was worse for me to sleep on, I’m still rather undecided, what do you guys think?)

C) The girl literally had to do nothing! I got the guy to the house.

D) She got laid and I got a pizza from him- I’m like the fucking fat ugly friend in this scenario

E) Why didn’t she simply wake me up and tell me to leave her room? She could have even said I was snoring or something, hence, it wouldn’t seem too weird.

Regardless, I do feel rather scarred by this experience and hope it befalls no one else. Also, I would really like to convey the message that I would have liked to christen my bed and if you have a bedroom in the same house as the one you are at it is ridiculously odd to have sex in another persons bedroom.

Traumatized I now need to sleep in this bed. On the bright side, I do love how things like this happen and are just damn hilarious!

Grace x

Am I spoiled goods? Monday, Sep 24 2012 

I was thinking about this last night, albiet, after a few glasses of wine (I couldn’t sleep, sue me).

The thing is, I think my boyfriend is absolutely wonderful, he’s all up for seeing me all the time, moved in, visits me like crazy when we’re at university (yes, they are close but still); takes me on holidays; does little gestures; is great in bed (and balconies, parks etc.) and is just generally amazing. The thing I was thinking was, will I find others this amazing? Will they be amazing in other ways? Will I inadvertedly put ridiculous expectations on them?

Do you lovely people think that a person can, in a respect, spoil you so much that future relationships won’t compete?

The thing is, I know it’s a ridiculous thought as essentially most people will think that the person they are in love with is the best person ever and will think that others won’t measure up (ha, this could be a whole other topic). I know it’s silly but hey, it’s a thought…

Grace x

 

 

Some pathetic facts about Grace Sunday, Sep 23 2012 

Well, I guess they can be called pathetic, my boyfriend says endearing, my friends say cute, I say it’s my way of showing affection:

  • I need to speak to my boyfriend everyday
  • Cuddles…I must be cuddled to bed every night unless something horrifically important prevents this from happening
  • If I text my boyfriend and he doesn’t reply for a while I am in a bit of a mood until he does (in fact, he just did and I felt an immediate lift in my mood and decided to write this post, also, I’m being way cool by not replying straight away)
  • If in a social environment I like my boyfriend to demonstrate signs of affection very often
  • I get so worried if we don’t have sex twice a day, I feel like something is seriously SERIOUSLY wrong
  • I love it when he wears the bracelet I got him for our one year anniversary
  • I hate it when he texts around me
  • I adore it when he runs plans by me before committing to any
  • I find it so hard to sleep when he isn’t with me, ironic because when he is I want to spend all the time I can with him but always conk off to sleep
  • Pretty much any interaction with girls annoys me to at least a tiny extent- yes, this does include my friends

I can imagine there are more but I think I’ve made people want to throw up enough for now and have probably embarrassed myself enough too.

Grace x

Love and sex when you’re ill Sunday, Sep 23 2012 

So, my boyfriend came home to a very ill Grace last night, he was amazing, he let me watch any crap that I wanted and just took care of me in such an amazing way. Sadly, he too is ill now, in fact, as I type he is snoring right beside me.

Now, the theme of this blog is how illnesses effect love and sex. I do not mean any serious illnesses such as cancer as I feel that I cannot truly comment on something I have not myself experienced, but illnesses such as the common cold. In terms of a cold I think my boyfriend can be a bit of a sissy…he is definitely someone you can put in the ‘man-flu’ category: You know, complaining, bad mood, incessant whining and the expectation that you have to do everything for him (I know he exaggerates but still end up being his nurse and maid when he has a touch of the sniffles- sorry feminism). However, it seems that in this strange turn of events he has simply become gentle, kind and very very cuddly- I like this kind of illness in him.

I, too, seem to have become very complimentary, cuddly and generally ridiculously nice. It’s odd how we seem to have spent the whole day with compliments replacing banter: maybe we just don’t have the energy for witty insults today.

Now…onto the sex! The sex yesterday was fucking AMAZING! I mean proper AMAZING. I don’t know why but I just felt so sensitive to his touch and I just wanted him so much and he wanted me. It was so hot…well, maybe that was just our mutual rise in body temperature…

I took off my top because I was boiling and he got hard, I touched and teased him throughout the evening. I had almost given up on anything happening when we said goodnight and began to spoon but then I though, hey, I want dick- now. I began rubbing his crotch properly and he got hard very quick. The rest is history…wait, the rest is biology.

However, for those of you who are aware that he had a hand injury…yesterday was the first time he was able to get on top. Hot hot hot! Finally, the weight of my guy on top of me, no wonder that I was thanking every cosmological power if I was a girl…the time I cumed in…lets just say that if I was a guy and my boyfriend was a girl he would be taking me to see a premature ejaculation therapist. God it’s good being a girl sometimes!

Grace x

Age of consent Saturday, Sep 22 2012 

I have been reading quite a lot on this topic as discussions approach about the UK changing its age of consent from 16 to 14. This topic got me thinking about the age of consent in other countries and how laws may differ worldwide.

I found the website http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm very helpful in my search for worldwide age of consent laws as it literally listed basically every country, their age of consent or if they did not have one. I found that the age of consent worldwide ranges from 12 to 21. This is a difference of nine years which in itself seems rather huge; however, when you consider the massive changes which occur to a person within these nine years the gap seems even larger.

Now, in terms of these ages I think that 12 is an absolutely shocking age to be having sex at. I mean, seriously, people having sex at 12!? I didn’t even so much as kiss a boy until I was 14 and even that was a fucking dare and lasted about a millisecond! It cannot possibly be healthy in any way to begin having sex at 12, I mean, I wasn’t even trusted to go out past about 7 so how on earth could I be trusted to make such an important decision as loosing my virginity. I genuinely think that at 12 you are a child and cannot at all comprehend and understand how to make this kind of decision. Also, at 12 you will not realistically have any strong and lasting feelings for someone you are going to have sex with and sleeping with people you don’t see yourself being with is a much more grown up and complicated issue than something you can deal with at the age of 12!

Whilst on the subject of this ridiculously low age of consent I would also like to make the comment that in Columbia the age of consent is 12 only for girls, yet boys can only have sex at 14. What does this mean? Who would these 12 year old girls be having sex with, boys at least two years older than them (which at that age is a huge age gap)? is it suggesting that girls are more responsible? I really don’t know what to make of this. The only conclusion I can really come to is that in many underdeveloped countries (such as Guatemala and Indonesia- which both also have different ages of consent for boys and girls [Guatemala: 14 for girls and 16 for boys. Indonesia: 16 for girls and 19 for boys], girls are typically expected to get married very early and to an older man who can help provide for her family. Either way, I am completely dumbfounded by this discovery.

On another note, I leant that in some countries the age of consent is only valid if you are married, an example of this is Bahrain which has its age of consent at 15 or the time of marriage. 15, to me personally, also seems to be a very low age to loose ones virginity. Also, the implication that it can be earlier if you marry earlier seems rather scary and filled with images of young girls being married of older men.

However, although I am, to an extent, stating that these ages of consent seem far too low I also discovered some rather unrealistic ideals. For example, may countries state that they simply do not allow sex before marriage, for example: Saudi Arabia and Qatar. Now, whilst I am not going to be a virgin when I get married this does seem to be a lovely idea and I think that if it was upheld by personal desires rather than religious stigma it would be an amazing thing to do. Nevertheless, although these countries are obviously rich in religious views it does seem to be rather idealistic and unrealistic to expect only the married to have sex. I also think it is rather ridiculous to punish consenting adults for having sex simply because they are not married. Personally, in the words of Samantha Jones (‘Sex and the City’ and yes, I know this isn’t exactly the intellectual quote I should be putting in this post): “Before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!” This, I believe is completely true, both with sex and with living together!

Additionally, countries with the age of consent at the high age of 21, such as Cameroon, also seem rather unfathomable. I mean, yes, I agree that people should wait but I also think that if the age of consent is unrealistically high people will simply ignore it as ‘just one of those laws’, you know, the ones that are there but no one really listens to.

In conclusion, I believe that the age of consent is definitely a very difficult thing to determine: set too low it gives the impression that children having sex is promoted (‘Brave New World’ anyone?), set it too high and it will not be something that people even try to aspire to. The thing is, I do think that essentially it is not the age that a person has sex at that really matters, it’s the reasons why they are having sex. Of course, this does not mean that 12 year olds ‘in love’ should be having sex, I just simply mean that I think that some people mature earlier than others and for some sex at 16 will be the right thing whereas for others the right thing to do will be to wait until 20, 25 or even marriage. At the end of the day, to each is own (apart from 12 year old’s ‘in love’).

Personally, I think that below 16 is a ridiculous age to have sex but that waiting till after marriage is not going to do you any favors as sex is a large part of your relationship with someone.

I would genuinely love any input that anyone has on this matter whatever your views may be.

Grace x

Review: Flavoured Condoms Saturday, Sep 22 2012 

Image

First things first: I do not use condoms. Now, before I am chastised for this I would like to point out that I have only had sex with my ex of five years and my current boyfriend (both were virgins). Hence, the need for condoms seems rather moot. I’ve always been on the pill and my trust and paranoia issues are not as high as for me to think that I could have caught something off these fellas.

However, the various pills and injections I have had do sometimes make me rather hormonal so me and my current boyfriend decided to give condoms a go. It was horrific. It felt weird, he said the sensitivity was decreased, I thought it felt really unnatural and the whole problem of disposing them (we both lived with our parents at the time) seemed absolutely treacherous! In other words- hitherto, my experience with condoms has been limited to a brief attempt a few months ago (yes, we quickly took it off and had sex the good ol’ bareback way)!

Anyway, this review falls on a topic which I knew even less of until yesterday. You see, yesterday one our good friends was leaving so we went over to his for pizza, weed, alcohol; basically, whatever you wanted to do. By the end of the night it was me, slightly tipsy, the guy and my boyfriend. We were chilling and discussing random topics- anyway, somehow the topic became condoms and their different variations and me and my boyfriend were offered a condom in whatever flavor I wanted: I picked apple.

So, there I am all excited over giving a blow job to something which is going to taste like candy!

Soon we leave the guy’s house and head over to ours. Now, I’m a big fan of new things so am well on this condom business. I give my boyfriend a bit of a hand job and tell him to slip the condom on: as you can imagine, this in itself takes time. This, I will not fault the product for though- it was only our second condom to put on him so I guess that’s more our of a short-coming of ours rather than durex!

So, finally the damned thing is on. I start away with the usual blow job antics. However, my first problem. I usually use a hand and my mouth during a blow job but I don’t want to like hurt him by doing something weird with the condom. Just mouth it is then.

Also, his dick is currently green. This can’t be serious.

Now, literally about five seconds later I realize there is actually no apple flavor left. I go a bit deeper and get some more flavor, however, that soon disappears too.

So, there I am, sucking a completely plain and plastic feeling dick. It doesn’t even have the warmth and feeling of a penis and it just feels completely plain without any of the sensitive parts I can usually feel with my tongue. This just feels plain boring.

I try to take it off and end up hurting him. Finally we get it off and WOW, I am so in the mood for giving a blow job; simply for the fact that I would quite like to feel real dick and not something which feels like I’m licking some kind of plastic wrapped banana. There is also a tiny bit of apple flavor residue (obviously this doesn’t last long, was still nice at the time though).

When he’s cumed and relaxed in my mouth I pop up to snuggle.

“So much better without.” He says

“I know right. It’s not even my dick and I prefer it without!”

So there you have it.

I think condoms are a hassle; a waste of money and don’t exactly do any favors for the sexual experience! I mean, obviously they have their merits such as child control and STI prevention but it just seems that for someone in a relationship there are far too many cons to even consider it!

Grace x

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