When drunk, apparently I become a porn star… Wednesday, Oct 10 2012

I have neglected my blog I know, I’ve actually been pretty pathetic with it. I thought I would actually be a lot better with it when my boyfriend wasn’t living with me but I guess I’ve just been busy- at least ya’ll know I’ve been having a good time. Anyway, the first story that I’m going to share today happened a few days ago when I visited my boyfriend at his university. I went up on the Thursday and we went out on Friday night. Now, usually, we end up getting into some sort of drunk argument but Friday went without a hitch and was an absolutely great night! We got so so soooo drunk. So drunk even that when we came back to his he said that he was too drunk to actually get his dick up- being the trooper I am I decided this was not a statement but more, a challenge. So off I went with my usual hand and mouth motions. I’m not exactly sure what happened next but, well, things got pretty dirty.

He was crouching so his balls were literally completely covering my face and I was under him sucking away, during this he started to toss himself off which I thought was ridiculously hot so told him to carry on when he made me do it. I kept stopping him whenever I felt that he was close as I just wanted it to carry on. I don’t know what it was but it was the loss of inhibitions that I really was enjoying, I mean, he was telling me the things he wanted to do and how good things felt and I just loved it.

I was licking his balls all over while he groaned. I liked the fact that he had the control to slip his dick into my mouth when he wanted to or push me down when he wanted some more ball lovin’. This continued for a while until he said ‘I want to cum on your face.’ This was hot. He had never said that before and had never done it, I mean, mouth, tits, pussy etc. he’d done, but never actually on my face. I didn’t hear him the first time he said it so I asked him to repeat himself. I think a little of his inhibition wore off then as he rolled off me and started to cuddle…’what?’ I asked ‘why have you gone away? You just said you wanted to cum on my face’ (I am never ever this forward, and neither is he, I don’t even know how he managed to ask).

‘Well, you can’t really ask someone that…’ Comes his reply

‘You can ask me anything’ (I believe this is what broke down any kind of ‘treat her like a lady’ premise he may have held).

So then began my one woman porn star act. I got dick slapped, yes, on my face, dick slapped repeatedly and was actually informed the next morning that I enjoyed it as I was making noises…now, in this scenario I do believe I could have been making noises for more porn star quality or, the more likely option, I think I enjoyed him taking so much charge. Guys in charge are haaawwwtttt!

Anyway, this continued for quite some time, I think I got very little attention that night but I did learn that I quite like balls in my face and that my point about drunk sex has been solidified even more.

Grace x

 

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Getting locked out, back to school disco and being a lot more independant than I origionally anticipated Monday, Oct 1 2012

1st by title and also my first issue today was that I got locked out of my bedroom…not my house, my bedroom! Basically, the doors we have for our bedrooms lock automatically if they are closed (like the typical front door), hence, when I tried to pop to the bathroom and the wind smashed my door shut I was left in the corridor (strangely our front door does not lock automatically and it needs to be locked on both leaving and entering the house). Anyway, this really annoyed me as I had a long list of things to do today. Also, I like to have some time by myself and I am not a fan of constantly being downstairs with housemates. I mean, of course they are lovely people but a person needs their space you know. Anyway, I called the landlord and he said he would be over within the hour, he then rang back to say he would be there in seven whole hours! Finally, that time has arrived, well, he was late, but luckily I have finally got into my room and am so damn happy!

I also can’t wait to go out tonight, I love the ‘back to school’ disco theme where everyone dresses up in school uniform! Also, I am quite intrigued to see what it’s going to be like, I mean, it’s a freshers event where everyone is essentially desperately trying to make friends, being a happy second year is going to be quite nice…this does in no way mean I am not going to get absolutely off the handle drunk!

Lastly, I feel very content and happy with myself. I thought I’d be a wreck being away from my boyfriend after living with him all summer- however, I am thoroughly enjoying the company of others, my own space and life in general! This makes me feel really good about myself as it is always nice to know that although you love someone you are able to function without them. I think it’s also quite healthy that we have this week apart with our friends and getting back into the swing of things…this does in no way mean I am not crazy excited about seeing him on the weekend!

Grace x

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Did I pick the wrong house? Monday, Oct 1 2012

Last night I walked into pre-drinks and everyone literally jumped up and pushed people out of the way to hug me. It was the best thing ever and it was absolutely amazing that so many people wanted to spend time with me!

Meanwhile, two of my flatmates had decided, last minute, that they weren’t going out and didn’t even bother to tell me. The one who did come left early.

I’d be allowed to smoke in the other house and the people there seem to appreciate me way more- why did I choose to live with these other people who hang about doing nothing all day and don’t seem all that bothered about me?

Anyway, they want to go to a club tomorrow but the other people are going to a different one, I’m going to go to the different one as I just think it will be heaps more fun and I won’t be having to leave when I feel my night hasn’t even begun yet!

I miss my halls from last year, they were a fucking ball! I don’t know, maybe it’s just the first few days and I’m just settling in. At least the other people only live about two minutes away so I guess I can go there anytime. It just sucks to not be comfortable in your own house.

On a brighter note, tomorrow is going to be AMAZING, and I get to go out with one of my guy best-friends who I didn’t get to see all summer and who is absolutely fantastic. Also, I’m really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend on Friday which I’m sure will be great, I do miss having him around all the time but it’s also lovely to be in a house which is mine.

Tomorrow I’m going to go do some food shopping and get myself more together.

Also, I have a gecko and well, he was car sick on the way here! How weird is that! I thought he was dying and his insides were coming out and nearly lobbed him out of the window! Luckily I realized it was vomited up worms. How odd though, I didn’t know geckos could throw up, I know that may sound really stupid but you don’t exactly expect that!

I am so excited for tomorrow! Also, I feel like I’m actually doing something with my life as I am going to sort out my university lectures and get some folders together. I am really excited for tomorrow!

Grace x

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I do not think I look cool or sexy while I’m on the toilet… Monday, Sep 24 2012

Does this mean I’m a complete troll?

Does it mean I have a horrific body image?

Recently I have noticed that more and more girls on my Facebook seem to have a pictures of them on the toilet… For those of you who have not seen one, it looks a lot like this:

Let’s begin with scenario 1: Right, you literally have shit (sorry for the pun) coming out of both ends of you. Classy lady. The thing I do not understand about pictures like this is why you would keep something like this on your Facebook…are you proud? I have actually seen girls put a similar picture to this as her profile picture…so literally, this is how you are going to classify yourself. The other thing I don’t understand this is why someone is taking this picture…I mean, I’ve only ever gone into the toilet when a friend has been in there if I desperately needed to throw up or if they really needed help. In either scenario I do not think I would be up for taking their picture. Now, let’s say I did, I would then show them in the morning, have a laugh and delete it. It would not be going on Facebook or anything of the sort.

Scenario 2: With the wrath I am currently feeling, I do not even know how I am going to manage to write anything legible. Why is this bitch posing? Why do girls pose on the toilet? I cannot imagine what you think is sexy about this…the fact that your legs are out? The fact you have no underwear on? The fact that your bum is slightly showing? Just wear a fucking short dress if you want these things, you don’t even have to wear underwear if you really don’t want to; just don’t fucking pose like this. Especially, if you are later going to comment on it saying ‘oh you, why did you take this picture?’ You fucking posed for it, also if you don’t want it…untag it. Fucking sorted.

Scenario 3: That’s just Lady Gaga, I don’t think her parents gave her enough attension as a child, that, and she seems to have ADHD, sort it out man, it’s 2012, there’s pills for that shit.

By the way, these obviously aren’t the pictures from Facebook, just some Google images to reiterate my point.

For my concluding statement I would like to say that toilet pictures are horrific and just vulgar. I am not against silly or stupid pictures, I myself have a few horrific ones on Facebook- however, you will never find a picture of me having a shit; that shit’s private!

Grace x

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The countdown to university begins! Monday, Sep 17 2012

Well, I guess this is a bit of a rubbish countdown as I am not entirely sure when I am actually going, I think my dad can only take me on a weekend so I guess the possible dates are the 22nd, 23rd or 29th. Freshers starts on the 30th so I am sure as hell not missing that!

For those of you who don’t know what Freshers is: it’s basically just a week or fortnight of ongoing student parties when everyone gets absolutely destroyed! Yes, it may not sound that appealing but I love alcohol; meeting new people; theme parties and the general atmosphere of university parties!

Anyway, most of my friends have already gone back as my university starts quite late in comparison to others- luckily, so does my boyfriend’s, so we don’t have to be apart for long before we’re back to visiting each other all the time! I am so excited! I’m sharing a house with three of my friends and I can’t wait to make it all homely and move into my new room! I am late on rent and that does rather concern me, but, not to worry…that shall be sorted very soon!

So, I have either 5, 6 or 12 days before I go back!

How bloody amazing!

I love a change of atmosphere and I can’t wait to actually do work! Plus, me and my boyfriend don’t live together in university (we go to different ones, they are ridiculously close though – 9 minutes by train). Now, in terms of this and blogging I can foresee many a blogs when I am hungover; not working or am just chilling. However, I do foresee rather a large decline when I visit him for a few days as he still isn’t aware I blog. My plan is to maybe send some blogs to my email so I can quickly upload them and click off the site while he’s in the shower or something!

Also, I am now going to be a big girl and sort out my finances.

My reward shall be getting very drunk tomorrow!

Grace x

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Reasons I have kissed someone I didn’t like Sunday, Sep 16 2012

Okay, some of these do go beyond kisses, one even became a relationship, but nothing above some boob grabbing- mostly snogging faces off and a tad bit of dry sex.

– Drunk: Probably the number one reason and one which seems to also contribute to many of the others.

– Revenge: Yes, petty. Yes, necessary.

– Bored: Probably mostly coupled with drunk, however, sometimes people just get bored: No good prospects? Oh, you’ll do

– You’re hot: Might as well, at least you won’t be something I regret in the morning (this can also closely tie with the next reason)

– Brownie Points: My friend got with Pete Doherty’s cousin, I got with a wrestler; sometimes you just know you can tell a good story from it, brag, possibly get cool freebies, and you kinda feel like you accomplished something.

– Rebound: Classic.

– Nice Guy Syndrome: You know you should probably give the poor lamb a go; turns out- you give him a go for the night and then abandon him.

– Bad Guy Syndrome: Why? Just why?

– Compliments: Again, probably drunk- someone says something in passing and you jump them like you would a ravine in a desert.

– Sympathy: I have done this drunk. You’ve put someone in the friendzone, you get drunk, you take them out, you feel even more guilty in the morning

Well, now I feel like a shitty person.

Grace x

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What on earth has been going on? PENIS apparently! Sunday, Sep 16 2012

Well, to be quite honest, nothing out of the ordinary. I’ve just been curled up with my boyfriend since our fight about him inviting Chelsea to stay over (yes, with other people, but still).

Me and my boyfriend also had a fight three nights ago after a boozy night at the pub: neither of us have any idea what it was about so we’re calling it quits.

The day before yesterday we had a bbq, I got tired and fell asleep before everyone left- he woke me up and we cuddled.

Oh! I almost forgot the most important part. PENIS!

Okay, I think this part needs a big of a back story…

You see, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years and were friends for two years before that- anyway, by this point I am rather comfortable with him seeing me completely naked in the light and everything; he does not seem to share the same sentiments. He’s always puts the covers over his manhood and always slips right back into his boxers after sex. I don’t know, he seems to want it covered up or at the very least in the dark.

However, there has been a breakthrough in the last few days! Now, he has only had one bath with me, and that was after very much pestering, but a few days ago he actually told me we were having a bath together! Now, he’s even usually rather funny about having fuck loads of bubbles but in today he seemed completely fine and his dick was happily floating around in the bath for all to see:

A) He’s a bit weird

B) He’s finally got rid of a bad case of herpies

Bizarre.

However, I am glad he seems to feel more comfortable, I quite like penises and would like for his to be allowed out more. Balls I think he’s more comfortable with. Either way, he was rewarded with a blow job.

Grace x

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“Reasons why I would never EVER have sex with you” Monday, Sep 10 2012

So, I was reading this awesome blog called http://reasonswhyimstillsingle.wordpress.com/ which is basically this guy stating all the hilarious reasons why he’s single and it reminded me of a drunken conversation I had with my male friend, lets call him Jack, a few weeks ago.

Basically, Jack was rather hammered and everyone else had gone home (because we’re awesomely hardcore and they we tired- well, actually I’d arrived late as I had slept all day, had already thrown up and had drank my body weight in vodka-red bulls and Jack, well, he’s like 20 ft. so I guess it would take a lot to get him nackered from alcohol).

Drunkenly I say: “We would be such an awesome couple if we liked each other, we always have bundles of fun and we wouldn’t have the whole sex complication.”

Jack’s lovely response to this was “Oh God! I would never EVER have sex with you!”

“Excuse me! Why exactly would YOU not have sex with ME!?”

(Yes, my ego is slightly inflated. Drunk? I think I’m a bloody goddess)

To this Jack responded with a very accurate and rather long list:

– I’ve seen you throw up pink rice, try to crawl away from it, fall into it and continue throwing up.

– You think that the solution to your throwing up with a hangover is to go out and drink more resulting in an even worse session the next day

– You’ve thrown up on me

– You’ve gone to hospital because you were so drunk and tried to attack the nurse

– You got arrested for trying to beat up a 6 ft guy because he was in your way in a club

– You think that not showering for days is acceptable

– You’ve come to my house with vomit in your hair

– I’ve seen you get angry and throw your heels at your boyfriend

– You always seem to be escorted out of clubs rather than leaving them

– I once found you passed out in a bush outside my house

– Your room smells like someone’s shat in it and there’s food from weeks and weeks ago in it

– I’ve seen you running around naked at a house party when you had a period pad on

I’m pretty sure there was more but I can’t remember all of them. Bare in mind these are only the reasons he wouldn’t go out with me due to alcohol. My god, there must be hundreds more.

How do I even have a boyfriend?

Grace x

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Continuation of what happens when curiosity gets the better of you Monday, Sep 10 2012

So, my last post ( https://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/i-guess-it-was-inevitable-that-i-would-open-this-can-of-worms/ ) was all about me finding a message from my boyfriend (Jeff, if you’ve been reading) to a girl (Chelsea, if you’ve been keeping up). Yes, yes this was in a group not the two of them or anything but after my previous reaction to it I just thought it was fucking ridiculous!

Anyway, I texted him saying that I was ridiculously angry at him and he should be at mine in the morning.

He replied with a fucking ‘? x.’ How, fucking caring of him

I then told him to fuck off and said that I had just got a text from someone saying that he had asked Chelsea to stay over (yes, yes, I know, I hacked his account and that’s how I found out but I just knew if I said that the argument would turn into him shouting at me about that so I improvised, apparently someone told me and ‘I promised I wouldn’t tell him who it was to avoid drama’…I think for someone who had just come back from the pub that is fucking impressive). 

He said that he had invited a group of people (not me, how fucking lovely…all our friends are mutual). Also, something I just realised: Chelsea said she wouldn’t stay over because she saw how upset I got (what a bitch), then again, what can I expect from someone who swore on her mum’s life she wouldn’t have sex with my ex boyfriend and I found out they did within a week of us breaking up (slut). 

Anyway there were a few more texts in which I explained that he knew he hurt me before so why would he do it again and he kept saying it was in a group so it was fine.

I got bored of this and told him to ring me. He did.

Now, this phone call was just a fucking mess, he was tired, he wasn’t taking me seriously, he thought I was over reacting. It just kept getting worse and worse and eventually he had the nerve to say that he was angry with ME. For fucks sake…what on earth did I do?

He always says that I start the arguments…yes, because I don’t ever give you reason to start them!

I ended up begging him to start walking towards mine. I know it’s pathetic but I begged and begged him to start walking. He said it wasn’t always his job to make me feel better (well, if you cause the hurt, yes it fucking is) and that he couldn’t be bothered because he was in bed (yes, and I was completely awake and not in bed at 2am, really?)

I begged for ages. I even gave a lovely speech with tears and little catchphrases I know he finds cute.

He said no.

It was a definitive no.

He said I could get a taxi to his or I could go there tomorrow (that would be today)

I said no, that wasn’t the point. I had this image of us walking towards each other, speeding up and finally running into an embrace. I’d cry and he’d hold me. We would make up.

This is the first night we have ever gone to bed angry at each other in two years. 

He said he would ring me tomorrow.

I said not to. 

It was meant to be a statement rather than something he would actually do. Goddamnit I am NOT ringing him though! 

I hate that he doesn’t care.

I’m not sure what’s going on with us.

I can’t wait to get drunk today.

Grace x

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A wild Grace has been caught! (yes, Pokemon reference) Saturday, Sep 8 2012

So, as some of you will be aware, I was rather excited to go to the pub last night as I had so much pent up excitement from Thursday’s failure. It started off a bit shit as Jeff (boyfriend) told me to be there at 9.30pm, then when I rang him he said 10pm. Now, this in itself would have been fine, although a tad annoying that I had to ring him and find out he was late- shouldn’t he have told me? Anyway, I didn’t trust that he would be there at 10 so I arrived for 10.30. He still wasn’t bloody there. I was not impressed!

We made up quite quickly though and it was actually a pretty good night, it was just me and the guys so it was very chilled and nice as there is never really any drama with them. I may have had a bit too much to drink as when me and Jeff were walking I was starting to feel rather sick. We were close to his mums and she’s away so we decided to stay there for the night, wow, I nearly threw up AGAIN! Anyway, we had pizza and basically passed out spooning in his bed.

I was so confused when the alarm went off, I had completely forgotten that he was doing work for his dad today and so would be being picked up at 10am! He got dressed and everything good, we cuddled and he left. I stayed in bed a while- it was way too early to get up.

When I did finally decide to go home I cleaned up his room a bit and got my stuff together.

So, as normal I go to the door…and I can’t fucking open it. This rather confused me, I mean, was I just being stupid? Was the lock broken? What the fuck was going on?

I decided to ring Jeff even though I was rather embarrassed I couldn’t open the door of a house I had been in hundreds of times…it turns out he didn’t realise that his brother had double locked the door not realising I was there. Now, I’ve lost my key to that house and Jeff is currently using the spare one. I couldn’t climb through a window as they wanted them all locked because no one would be around for a while. I was basically trapped!

Jeff, my hero, came to get me pretty quickly though and let me out into freedom! Exaggeration I know but I wasn’t feeling too great and just wanted to get home!

Now, this episode of me being locked in got me thinking about other incidents of a Grace in captivity…

The most recent one occured only a few weeks ago. One of my friends was having a house party ( good night, alcohol, standard, whatever), anyway, towards the end me and Jeff were sitting at the end of her garden just having a chat. Suddenly we realise that there is no one outside or inside the house. We assume the door will be open so carry on chatting for a bit. All of a sudden we see my friends brother come down and lock the back door, in our drunken state we, for some reason or other, decided to hide instead of running up the garden and getting let in. I didn’t have a phone at this point as I had lost it clubbing a few days before and Jeff’s phone was dead so we couldn’t ring anyone. We decided that climbing was the only way! We pulled ourselves onto her greenhouse, onto the garage, then there was a gap we kind of stretched over to go on and got onto the roof. We had to shimy down and jump! Jeff cut up his hands and my legs were hurting immensly. We began to walk home and literally almost immediately ran into the girl who’s party it was (she was dropping a drunk friend home)! She said she left them as her brother had said he thought there were people in the garden…WHY LOCK THE DOOR AND NOT EVEN BOTHER CHECKING THEN?!

The other incident is one which happened at university. I was visiting Jeff at his and we went out to the Student Union on a night out, we ended up getting into a drunken meaningless row, Jeff snapped his flip phone in half and I ripped my dress. Anyway, we went back to his and the argument continued. It got a bit heated and he stormed out of the room and slammed the door. I stayed in the room cooling off for a while but then decided to go after him. I stood up and tried to open the door, it didn’t open. I was confused as the lock is on the inside so I didn’t understand what was going on- I decided I was just drunk and being an idiot and figured I didn’t have time to faff around with the door so decided to climb out of the window (now, Jeff is on the first floor which is obviously a blessing, however, he has those windows you can’t open properly, you know the ones with the safety locks so it was a massive hassle getting out but because I was so drunk it didn’t really hurt that much)! Anyway, I managed to escape and soon found him. We made up and went back to his room, I explained what had happened and he said I probably was indeed just being silly so he went to try the door as he had the key. It didn’t work. We were tired, wet and cold so decided to just go through the window and sort it out tomorrow. I climbed in first and it was bloody painful as going in at the angle I got out was a lot trickier. Jeff tried to follow me but was unsuccessful! He said he would just stay as his friend’s room in the next block and went there. I got into bed but decided that I would only worry as we’d argued and wake up ridiculously early and bother both him and his friend. I climbed out, found him in his friend’s room and convinced him to try getting in again. He took of his trousers as they were pretty bulky and tried climbing in, luckily a guy walked past who helped us. Jeff’s underwear was coming off as he slithered in but finally he was in the room! We went to bed.

In the morning we had sobered up and tried the door again. No luck. Jeff’s phone was snapped in half as you remember and I didn’t have one. It was also a Saturday so there wasn’t as many people on duty at the university.We were so hungry and asked people who lived near Jeff, through Facebook, to bring us food. We borrowed a phone and tried to ring locksmiths. We missed the catered dinner and saying goodbye to people as we were leaving for the summer the next day. It took three locksmiths to finally unlock the door.

During the day I had got so many scrapes from climbing out for noodles.But the worst part of this story is still to come. THE TOILET ISSUE. See, I could climb out and there was a sink in the room, but sober it was too painful for Jeff to try to climb out and as the day progressed he needed to go to the bathroom more and more. This trip did not entail anything which could be done in a sink. Yes, Jeff desperately needed a shit. Now, the next part of this story is disgusting in so many ways so I would not blame anyone for fucking off right now- I personally don’t even know how I am going to manage to type this out. The whole needing the toilet thing got too much and Jeff literally HAD to go, this was when we knew we HAD to make a realistic plan.

There was not anything else we could do I promise you, this would have been avoided at all costs. Jeff found a plastic bag which didn’t have any holes in it and said this was the only way and that he would throw it out of the window after. Now, his university room is absolutely tiny so there was literally no where for me to hide but in the closet. I hid in there as Jeff manufactured a toilet out of a recycle bin and a plastic bag. Yes, I heard all of it. Half way through I even heard him say

‘Well, might as well piss in here as well’

I thought it was safe after a while and popped my head out only to see Jeff, bottomless, walking towards the sink carrying a bag full of shit and piss. He thought that now it was slightly diluted it would go down the sink. He was wrong. Luckily he only tried that with some (I was back in the cupboard during this by the way, I wasn’t casually watching him) and the rest stayed in the bag.

Jeff threw the bag out, but, as I have mentioned the windows don’t open wide at all so he couldn’t get a good swing so it didn’t land far away at all. Jeff also had to sort out the sink. He also decided to use the cover suits we wore the night before (it was a paint party they were to protect people’s clothes) to wipe (he forgot to take that out till later that night). Finally the ordeal was over. We sat in silence for quite a while after that.

Now, I feel I have probably disgusted everyone enough I shall end this post with the moral of ‘Do not slam doors and for God’s sake, always have an alternative way out!’

Grace x

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