Am I an anti-feminist?! Thursday, Sep 27 2012

Well, that’s probably a rather odd question for a girl to ask. The thing is, when I first started blogging on WordPress I found quite a few feminism articles and thought they were pretty ace so I subscribed to some of them thinking ‘Hey, yeah, equal pay etc.’ However, in the past few days I have really begun to think about the topic of feminism and what it actually means and the various ways in which people promote or discredit it.

Now, the formal definition of feminism is the advocacy of female rights to the point that they are equal to a man’s. This, I agree with. However, as I have read through a variety of feminist articles I have realized that I don’t really fit in there at all:

• I would love to stay at home with the kids and cook my husband dinner when he got home
• I love shaving, and doing my hair and getting all ‘girly’ for a night out
• I would employ a man over a woman for reasons such as pregnancy leave and having to look after sick children
• I do think men should be the chief providers of the house
• I think this whole thing that people say about why there are more men higher up in business is completely stupid, women need to have time out when they have children so hence, men progress in their career
• I like the idea of being protected and cared for by a man, I mean, their bigger and I cry in confrontations

There’s probably more but I already feel a mob of angry feminists outside my house! The thing is, I am aware that you can be a feminist in the most literal sense and therefore don’t have to go with any of the ideals but simply promote equal rights. However I just think that I would be a bit wary of my husband earning less than me, I mean, the balance would seem off and then he may feel he should stay home, no no, I’m staying home and he’s working, I mean, if that’s not what happened wouldn’t he feel a bit demasculated?

The irony is, I’m not from a religious background and all the women around me work so it’s clearly not some sort of brainwashing. I think it’s personal preference and, as awful as this might sounds to some, I love the fact that my boyfriend treats me like a little flower and takes charge.

Well, am I anti-feminist?

No, I believe in the core idea. As soon as any other ideologies come into it though, I’m out.

Grace x

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Relationships: Are we being promoted of demoted? Wednesday, Sep 26 2012

When you’re promoted to can expect the firm to spend more money on you, you can expect to be treated with greater respect and you expect to feel like you have risen in your job. The opposite goes to being demoted and this can leave you with truly undesirable feelings. Now, the same can also apply to relationships- for example when you both agree to be exclusive, have your first anniversary, move in together ect- in these scenarios you would imagine yourself to be progressing within the relationship, so hence, better presents (Okay, I think it sounds a little golddigger-ish but I’m simply pointing out the similarities between a work promotion and the length someone is in relationship for), greater respect and compromise and you feel like the relationship is evolving and isn’t stagnant.

Now, we are all aware of the changes that can happen with longevity, people become comfortable, not as much effort is thought to be needed and sometimes it can actually feel like you’re being demoted. Some say this happens after a few years of marriage and some say it’s when you move in with someone: I have a different scenario completely and discovered just how much I had been demoted yesterday…

Readers of this blog will know that my boyfriend of two years was my best friend for about 3 years before we began dating, now, during this time he was attentive, kind and considerate- it was fantastic being his friend and I noticed how he was actually an amazing friend to a lot of people. He’s a very friend orientated guy. Now, when we began dating I thought that we’d still be friends and there would be that underlying friendship in our relationship. I guess there is but yesterday I realized just how far after everyone else I come- I came after someone who he had gone to first school with (and never spoke to). I just wish that he would treat me with the same kindness and respect that he does his friends, after all- am I not also his friend? And if not, then I guess I have been demoted. Would he do this to every girl or is it just more acceptable as I’m his friend? But then, if he does it because I was his friend then how come everyone else seems to come first? I don’t understand why being a girlfriend means you get demoted in the way that you are treated and not promoted. I am troubled (I’ve been watching way too much Ally McBeal, that’s a John Cage reference by the way).

I think that you should constantly feel promoted in a relationship, however, I guess that’s just not possible so I think the most important thing to do is just make sure your partner is being promoted on the emotional level all the time because, realistically, the other stuff really doesn’t matter.

Grace x

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Why is that? Why is it that you’re fine by yourself but after a relationship yourself just isn’t enough anymore? Tuesday, Sep 25 2012

You’re fine and you’re happy, things are going right,

You’re self-sufficient intelligent and bright.

He comes along and you think, yes wow,

Things really are going my way now.

The days go on, the months, the years,

It’s subtle at first and you don’t ever realize.

Then one day he’s gone, bish bash, bagoon!

That’s when you realize how much you’re world changed, how much you’ve changed. You realize he became the glue that held you together, you got used to this glue, and even though you have the same job and everything else in your life is great, somehow it’s harder and different, you can’t keep yourself together anymore.

Why is that?

Grace x

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Age of consent Saturday, Sep 22 2012

I have been reading quite a lot on this topic as discussions approach about the UK changing its age of consent from 16 to 14. This topic got me thinking about the age of consent in other countries and how laws may differ worldwide.

I found the website http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm very helpful in my search for worldwide age of consent laws as it literally listed basically every country, their age of consent or if they did not have one. I found that the age of consent worldwide ranges from 12 to 21. This is a difference of nine years which in itself seems rather huge; however, when you consider the massive changes which occur to a person within these nine years the gap seems even larger.

Now, in terms of these ages I think that 12 is an absolutely shocking age to be having sex at. I mean, seriously, people having sex at 12!? I didn’t even so much as kiss a boy until I was 14 and even that was a fucking dare and lasted about a millisecond! It cannot possibly be healthy in any way to begin having sex at 12, I mean, I wasn’t even trusted to go out past about 7 so how on earth could I be trusted to make such an important decision as loosing my virginity. I genuinely think that at 12 you are a child and cannot at all comprehend and understand how to make this kind of decision. Also, at 12 you will not realistically have any strong and lasting feelings for someone you are going to have sex with and sleeping with people you don’t see yourself being with is a much more grown up and complicated issue than something you can deal with at the age of 12!

Whilst on the subject of this ridiculously low age of consent I would also like to make the comment that in Columbia the age of consent is 12 only for girls, yet boys can only have sex at 14. What does this mean? Who would these 12 year old girls be having sex with, boys at least two years older than them (which at that age is a huge age gap)? is it suggesting that girls are more responsible? I really don’t know what to make of this. The only conclusion I can really come to is that in many underdeveloped countries (such as Guatemala and Indonesia- which both also have different ages of consent for boys and girls [Guatemala: 14 for girls and 16 for boys. Indonesia: 16 for girls and 19 for boys], girls are typically expected to get married very early and to an older man who can help provide for her family. Either way, I am completely dumbfounded by this discovery.

On another note, I leant that in some countries the age of consent is only valid if you are married, an example of this is Bahrain which has its age of consent at 15 or the time of marriage. 15, to me personally, also seems to be a very low age to loose ones virginity. Also, the implication that it can be earlier if you marry earlier seems rather scary and filled with images of young girls being married of older men.

However, although I am, to an extent, stating that these ages of consent seem far too low I also discovered some rather unrealistic ideals. For example, may countries state that they simply do not allow sex before marriage, for example: Saudi Arabia and Qatar. Now, whilst I am not going to be a virgin when I get married this does seem to be a lovely idea and I think that if it was upheld by personal desires rather than religious stigma it would be an amazing thing to do. Nevertheless, although these countries are obviously rich in religious views it does seem to be rather idealistic and unrealistic to expect only the married to have sex. I also think it is rather ridiculous to punish consenting adults for having sex simply because they are not married. Personally, in the words of Samantha Jones (‘Sex and the City’ and yes, I know this isn’t exactly the intellectual quote I should be putting in this post): “Before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!” This, I believe is completely true, both with sex and with living together!

Additionally, countries with the age of consent at the high age of 21, such as Cameroon, also seem rather unfathomable. I mean, yes, I agree that people should wait but I also think that if the age of consent is unrealistically high people will simply ignore it as ‘just one of those laws’, you know, the ones that are there but no one really listens to.

In conclusion, I believe that the age of consent is definitely a very difficult thing to determine: set too low it gives the impression that children having sex is promoted (‘Brave New World’ anyone?), set it too high and it will not be something that people even try to aspire to. The thing is, I do think that essentially it is not the age that a person has sex at that really matters, it’s the reasons why they are having sex. Of course, this does not mean that 12 year olds ‘in love’ should be having sex, I just simply mean that I think that some people mature earlier than others and for some sex at 16 will be the right thing whereas for others the right thing to do will be to wait until 20, 25 or even marriage. At the end of the day, to each is own (apart from 12 year old’s ‘in love’).

Personally, I think that below 16 is a ridiculous age to have sex but that waiting till after marriage is not going to do you any favors as sex is a large part of your relationship with someone.

I would genuinely love any input that anyone has on this matter whatever your views may be.

Grace x

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The ways of some… Sunday, Sep 16 2012

My boyfriend often moans to me about his step-mum. It’s weird even saying ‘step-mum’ when speaking about this as neither him nor I see her that way. I don’t know why it’s weird to say she is his step-mum, I mean she is, she’s married to his dad- but somehow, she isn’t his step-mum.

Anyway, I just thought I would share some of her tenancies with you guys as, from what he says, she seems absolutely nuts!

– You have to close draws in a certain way, you have to make sure they slide gently and cannot poke out the tiniest bit.

– You have to take the bin out, even if it’s not full- yet, if you do so too early you will be in trouble.

– You have to wash the dishes till they’re clean and then put them in the dishwasher.

– You have to let her know two weeks in advance if you will be home for dinner.

– You have to hoover every day.

– You have to take your shoes off before you go into the driveway.

– You can’t spill anything

There are more which I have forgotten but even these seem to summarize some sort of craziness. Apparently she’s also a shouter. My boyfriend absolutely hates her.

I’ve met her a few times but worm my way out of invites as frequently as possible, his dad and ‘step-mum’ terrify me. His mum gets me drunk and watches chick-flicks with me.

Grace

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10 day challenge! Friday, Sep 7 2012

Now, I found this on Google images as I quite enjoyed the 30 day challenge I did in about two days!

As per tradition I shall do this one in just one post! Here it goes!

Ten Secrets:

1) I liked my boyfriend whilst he was going out with my best friend, awful I know

2) I still haven’t told a lot of my close friends about a hugely close death in my family, I don’t  really like to share stuff like that

3) I cheated on my ex boyfriend of over five years (on and off) several times, again, awful I know!

4) I am hugely jealous of pretty much every girl my boyfriend talks to- pathetic, I know.

5) When I plucked my first nipple hair I felt like a Chewbacca and nearly cried.

6) I always want to have a massive accident, like death threatening just to see how people would react. Awful? Insecure? Stupid?

7) Sometimes I don’t do clothes washing or have a shower for absolutely ages- disgusting.

8) I’ve slightly thrown up on my boyfriend’s dick. Yes, I know horrific. He still doesn’t know, it was a tiny bit, I wiped it away, sent him to get me juice and febrezed the shit out of the room. In my defence I was really hungover and he pushed my head down too much.

9) I know this is horrific but I don’t think I could deal with having a disabled child. I know that is completely dreadful but I just don’t know how I would cope!

10) I get really anxious about really silly things such as my boyfriend seeming to be a bit off or a friend not responding to a text for a while, I get easily worried I did something wrong.

Nine Loves:

1) My family

2) My boyfriend

3) My cat

4) My gecko

5) University

6) Sex

7) Cuddling

8) Those websites that let you watch practically anything online

9) (I know I’m cheating a bit here but…) Friends, smoking, going out, drinking

Eight Fears:

1) Spiders

2) Getting broken up with

3) Doing something ridiculously embarrassing like peeing myself in public

4) Being shouted at and general confrontations (I hate it, it scares me and I’m highly likely to cry)

5) Cancer

6) Not being able to have children or for them to have any kind of disabilities

7) Never getting married to someone I am crazy about or them cheating on me

8) Rape

Seven Wants:

1) To get married and have a happy family

2) To have a job I extreamly enjoy

3) To stay with my boyfriend as long as I want to and as long as I love him and he still treats me the way he does

4) My boyfriend to have less female friends

5) For my family to be healthy

6) For my little brother to have everything he wants in life

7) For my dad to meet someone he loves again

Six Places:

1) London: I live here now

2) Russia: I was born here, my grandparents live here, it is still one of my favourite places!

3) Leicester: I go to university here and I adore it!

4) Furteventura (Canary Islands): The first place me and my boyfriend went to on holiday, just the two of us.

5) Ireland: Where every boyfriend and guy I’d got with before my current boyfriend had some kind of roots. This is also the place my boyfriend said we were going instead of the Canary Islands right up until we were at the airport!

6) America: Where I desperately want to go ASAP.

Five Foods:

1) Taco’s: Me and my boyfriend eat these constantly, he cooks them bloody amazing!

2) Noodles: The only thing I can make nearly as good as my boyfriend, and the only thing I can afford to eat when I’m done living like a rock-star for the best part of the month!

3) Spaghetti-Bolognese: We used to have a night for this when I was younger and I just love it! I don’t really like the chunks though, I like it meaty, with juice, and heaps of pasta.

4) Chicken Wrap: You can get these amazing ones with salad and some amazing sauce at a kebab shop near me; it’s cheap and tastes fucking amazing, I get it pretty much at every opportunity!

5) Chicken Bhuna: My favourite Indian dish.

Four Books:

1) ‘Orix and Crake’ by Margaret Atwood: Easily one of my favourite books!

2) ‘Pride and Prejustice’ by Jane Austen: One of my favourite Austen books and the one which got me into classics

3) ‘The Dutchess’ by Amanda Foreman: Brilliant book about how women were crucial to political campaigns even in the 17th century, a story with factual evidence about Georgiana, the Dutchess of Devonshire.

4) ‘Winnie the Pooh’ by A.A. Mills: Come on, a childhood classic like this had to be mentioned, such a beautiful book.

Three Films

1) The Butterfly Effect

2) The Notebook

3) Hannibal

Two Songs:

1) ‘Wherever You Will Go’ by The Calling

2) ‘Fireflies’ by Owl City

One Picture (of yourself)

I really don’t think so! At least not yet…

But here’s a funny one I chuckled over for ages:

Grace x

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Writing Challenge: Smoking made it happen, Smoking makes her forget Sunday, Aug 26 2012

Today I stumbled across a wonderful site: http://oursalon.wordpress.com/ where a challenge was given to write a poem, dialogue or story about a picture in no more or less than six sentences while using the picture given as inspiration. Here’s my attempt!

The baby was crying; the baby was 12.

‘Don’t smoke pregnant’ they’d said.

She ignored them- She knew people who had.

This burden wasn’t on them however, she was the one carrying the curse.

Her partner had left, it was all too much for him, she still wore the ring.

Sitting alone she wondered, where did she get it so wrong.

Grace x

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